A Tale of Knights and Monsters

As Petyr advanced through the forest, his fears gnawed on him more and more. With every village he passed, the tales got more horrid. Back home, many leagues away by now, the story had been nothing more than an overgrown garden snake in a cave. In the next village, they talked of a sneaky serpent who would steal entire flocks of sheep in the dead of night. On and on, the stories went, until he came to the last village before its lair. There, almost no one was willing to speak of it but a bum living in the trees just outside of town. He described the monster as something you could scarcely comprehend without seeing it, a creature that would defy your wildest dreams. The bum was likely drunk beyond his wits, or whatever was left of them, but it frightened Petyr all the same.



Wandering past tall pines and ducking under gnarled spruces, he ponders how a fight would happen here. The forest is much too thick to shoot it from afar with his crossbow, which means he’ll have to fight with his trusty Falchion. It had been a long time since its heavy blade had been bloodied… in fact, not since the time that wolf surprised his master and removed his bowels.



A blood-curdling roar ripped Petyr out of his reverie, and he immediately hid behind the nearest tree. Peaking around, he couldn’t believe both his eyes and his reasoning for being anywhere near this beast. It was coiled up, and did not look that big… but then it unwound itself, revealing a snake-like body sixty feet long. His heart was in his throat when it started speaking.



“Ah, that knight was delicious. It’s a pain to peel off the armor, but it’s worth it. Not much flavor to them, but the juiciness of their blood and the crunch of the first bite are wonderful. What was his name? Ser Ortain? What a fool. Snapped his spear in two on my hide and shrank back so fast he looked like a turtle.”



Petyr slapped himself. Did he really hear that Ser Valladeus Ortain, the greatest warrior in the Kingdom, was dead? It is said that the tip of his spear had pierced more dragon hearts than a King’s fork pierces roasted boar. If such a mighty fighter could be slain so easily by this monster, what chance did he have?



“What’s this?” the beast yawned, “I smell fear. Is someone watching me? It better not be that dirty old man who’s always making the area smell like rotten tomatoes marinated in old ale. He always finds a way to elude me, I have no idea how.”



Petyr cautiously looked around the tree and was relieved to see the beast searching the woods opposite him, giving him the chance to run back to the town. The bum confronted him as soon as he stepped past the town border.



“Did ya see it, lad? Didn’t I tell ya true?”



“Yes, old man, I saw it. It said that you watch it but it can’t catch you, how do you escape it so well?”



The old man starts laughing manically, and stops just long enough to choke out, “I don’t do anything, it’s just blind as a bat in twilight!”



Petyr was off in an instant. It would be dark soon, and he wanted to be in position by the time sunlight waned and the beast would be most vulnerable. So he waited in the bushes as the sun crept lower and lower…



*Fast forward to nightfall*



Petyr slowly and quietly unsheathed his sword as the world darkened a bit, as sunlight could barely get around the neighboring mountains. It was time to strike, and the beast still laid in his cave. Petyr crept to the edge of the cave, picked up a large rock, and threw it at the pile of armor lying a few yards away. There was a low rumbling as the beast got up to check out the noise.



Soon the beast slithered out of its cave. In a flash, Petyr was on him, hacking and slashing. The beast roared and writhed and flailed around, quite clearly confused. The creature’s thick hide held against the blade better than Petyr would have liked, but he soon started drawing blood. The bum did not lie, the beast was only lashing out where it had just been hit, meaning he could avoid its attacks by running around it while swinging his sword. But the beast was moving faster and faster, and he knew it would catch up with him soon. So he jumped on it. Its back was rough enough that he could get a foothold as he stabbed and jabbed his sword into the creature’s back.



And suddenly night was on them. Petyr had lost track of the time, and suddenly he knew he was in a heap of trouble. The beast twisted its head around and stared at him with huge, piercing red eyes. It roared and he went reeling, nearly falling off. Staying on did not help much, as it spun around at an incredible speed and sent him flying into the rock face- he impacted the wall so hard his brother cringed, miles away.



“You vile heathen, who are you?”



“I am Petyr Barthelys, also known as your worst nightmare.” That would have sounded better if he wasn’t wheezing and coughing up blood at the same time.



“A Barthelys, you say? I haven’t seen one of your clan since I roasted Roebuck Barthelys. That must have been years ago.”



“What? My great-grandfather was named Roebuck, but my parents said he was beheaded on the King’s order for deserting the army. They mentioned nothing of son of a demon!”



“Son of a demon? You say that like I’ve never been insulted before. Kid, I’ve been put down and attacked before anyone of your name lived.”



With that, Petyr sprinted towards the beast and shoved his sword as deep into it as he could. The results disappointed him. He was promptly flung back, hitting a tree and sending birds flying out of their nests. Is this it? Is this the time I die? Then it hit him. Literally, his crossbow fell out of the tree and landed on his head. Right, I stashed it on a branch earlier. The beast was charging at him, and he managed to fire it in the nick of time- the bolt pierced its eye, and it reeled back screeching in pain.



“What the hell! If you were going to kill me, do it quick, this hurts horribly! You’re going to pay for that!”



The beast lunged at Petyr. Well, I put up a good fight. Did better than half the knights who’ve taken this challenge. I guess there are less honorable ways to die. He gaped at the monstrous cavern of a mouth ready to bite his head off, and he knew this was the end.



Then he was face-to-face with the tip of a spear, and was getting soaked with blood that wasn’t his own. The beast spun around and could barely keep its head up.



“I am Ser Valladeus Ortain. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.”



Petyr finished re-loading his crossbow and sent a bolt through the beast’s head.



Ser Ortain looked past the limp body at Petyr. “Is my timing great or what?”



Petyr dropped to one knee. “My lord, I am grateful for your intervention. The beast would have surely slain me if you had not arrived in the nick of time.”



“Stop with all the formalities, kid, you’ve earned my respect. You left that thing in so bad a condition, it was one of the easiest kills I’ve ever done. Quite the young fighter you are. I’ll take you on as a squire if you wish, which is the fast road to becoming a knight thanks to my prominence.”



Petyr noticed something a bit odd in Ser Ortain’s voice, but he could not put his finger on it. “It would be an honor, Valladeus.”



The knight started laughing, much to his confusion. “I see you haven’t heard the truth. Professionally, I am known as Ser Valladeus Ortain, but my name is actually Valery.” She then removed her helm, and Petyr promptly fainted.



He woke up a few minutes later, and tried to put one and two together. “None of the stories mentioned that you are a woman. In fact, I don’t think anyone in my hometown knows of it. Actually, come to think of it, I think I might be the only person on this side of the Great Mountain that knows of it, every village I visited has talked of you as a man to put all other men to shame.”



“Well, I think that has something to do with my spear skills and my courage, which do outclass most men I’ve met.” After they finished laughing, Valery escorted Petyr back to his hometown. As they came close, she noticed something.



“You know, you’re pretty good looking.”



“You’re not too bad yourself.” Squiring for her is going to be fun.