Lesson Two - Assignment 1

I am reviewing you as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy

I believe it is a privilage to review another's work. Nothing in this review is intend to offend or upset in any way. This is my own personal opinion.

Story Development
A very interesting situation as it stands. This prompts me to think what if the story was driven by more happening. For instance i am wondering what would happen if she did open the envelope, or if another being did, trying to get her in to trouble for some reason? Giving your charcater a happening can drive the story to even more interesting places.

Characters
Nicely drawn main character but could do with a bit more development.


Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
Here are a few of the punctuation and spellings I found.
KNEW should be put in italics for emphasis.
Lady Arok with a capital L
So, walking...cud muster... should be could
id appears a few times, I'd
_ makes an erroneous appearence twice
practice-with-a-mirror, does not require the dash
There are fragments of words in places instead of full sentences and it may be better alot of the time to not begin a sentence with 'But'.
You also need to define your paragraphs to make it easier to read and more appealing to look at. It is good to leave a space between the different dialogue being spoken.

Suggestions
It is so easy to make errors. I suggest copying and pasting the work in to a word programme so you can discover all the puctuation spelling and spacing issues for yourself as this is much more useful than me pointing them all out to you.

I would read the piece out loud, which will help you to discover any fragments of writing that are not full sentences, it will also aid you in where to put the commas. Normally it will be where you have to take a breath.

Overall
I would like to know more about the story and how it would develop. I think this story has potential.

Writers Write

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