The Magna Carta: A Paper Tiger That Had

The Magna Carta: A Paper Tiger That Had Yet To Roar

Originally performed in November 2010 in the Western Civilization class of Mity Myhr of St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas

Jesse Cancelmo

Tina Sicaja

Irini Adamopoulos

Chess Long

Andrew Dickey 









Narrator (Irini)- King John of England, in 1215, was forced to sign the Magna Carta, following the pressure from his noble counterparts. The English Barons, at this point, have been pushed too far by the King’s overstepping power and have established the Magna Carta, or “Great Charter,” as a list of rights that they were demanding. King John after being excommunicated had forfeited England to the Papal seat, he had raised taxes to support his wars against France, and the Nobles were increasingly frustrated by his actions. The Magna Carta, however, had very little of an immediate effect on the English rule, as it was not immediately integrated into English rule; King John and the nobles went to war as soon as the King was let go, so the king never enforced the Magna Carta. Over time the Magna Carta developed a far more prominent significance in Western culture. Our story of the Magna Carta begins with the excommunication of John by Pope Innocent and the ensuing wars against France.



Pope Innocent sits in the desk, reading over a few documents, and signing them. Then he opens a letter

Pope Innocent: Cardinal Dimitri DiFonzo, oh, thank you for sending this report to me. Okay, I need to excommunicate that guy. King John of England. That’ll teach him to pick my choice for the archbishop. He can’t choose his own archbishop! Who does he think he is? He thinks he’s God or something?

Narrator: The King and the Pope both had their own candidates in the election of the Archbishop of Canterbury. The King favored one candidate. The monks of Canterbury favored another candidate. The Pope favored a third candidate, Stephen Langton. The Pope declared that Langton would serve as the archbishop of England. King John refused to recognize the Pope’s decision. King John, with the backing of the nobles, expelled the archbishop chapter because it supported Langton. The Pope retaliated by placing an interdict on England. Returning the favor, John shuttered the churches and confiscated the churches’ property. Hence… the Pope excommunicated the king from godly salvation.

Innocent then writes another letter.

Innocent: Dear Phillip II of France, King John of England is such a terrible ruler. Because he thought he could pick the archbishop and shut my churches and take my godly property, I have no confidence in him. So, I give you the license to invade England and strip him of all of his precious authority.

Innocent: Sincerely, the Father.

The Pope gets up and takes his letter with him.

Narrator: The increased pressure from the Pope and the dreaded thought of losing territory to France weighing down on him, King John caved in.

King John runs from the left and sits at the desk, hurriedly writing a letter, with bad, bad handwriting, to the pope.

John: Dear Mister Pope, please forgive me! I am so sorry for being such an ungrateful lamb to you! I want you to un-excommunicate me and to forgive and forget. Please get us back to where we were!

John: Yours truly, Johnny.

John picks up the letter and runs off.

The pope re-appears and writes another letter

“Dear Johnny,

In receipt of your letter, I have one command. Bow to your sensei.

Sincerely,

Yo’ Daddy”

The pope leaves

Narrator: As a result, John had to declare England subservient to the Papacy, in exchange for being un-excommunicated. But the Pope didn’t bother telling Phillip to knock it off. Phillip continued his thrust into vulnerable English territory, and the king spent more, and more, and more, and more money into the wars with his Gallic adversary, trying to fend off French incursion in former English lands.

Robert appears from the left, whistling as he comes to pick up his daily mail (on the table). Robert opens up a letter.

Robert: Hey, it’s my April tax bill… and it is…

Robert stopped in his tracks.

Robert: It’s over nine thousand pounds!!!!!! Just like your mom

Robert dropped the tax bill.

Narrator: The nobles found that they were being outrageously taxed. They couldn’t believe it. The wars were hungry, hungry monsters that needed more and more money. John had to increase the taxes to pay for the wars, but the nobles were pissed. King John just had to tax ‘em all! And as a result…

William: Howdy, Bob! What’s up?

Robert picked up the tax bill.

William: Huh?

Robert’s face turns into a fiery mask as he rips apart the tax bill

Robert: That King John taxed us all up our behinds! We are going to become paupers if that king doesn’t stop!

William: You mean he’s putting more money into that awful war? That loser who was excommunicated?

Robert: Now I can’t have my weekly fois gras.

William: The King can’t beat those Frenchmen and eat their fois gras. He shouldn’t even bother and spend our money if he can’t do it.

Robert: Not to mention his wine taxation scheme, the “Prisage on Wine.” They make the wine makers give a portion of their wine to the king. If someone buys a bottle of wine, he needs to have a bunch of witnesses who declare they bought it. But it doesn’t say how much wine someone has before the king asks for proof… it’s just a clever excuse for the king to take as much wine as he wants when he wants it.

William: He’s such a tyrant.

Robert: King John hates English people, doesn’t he?

William: Yeah.

Robert: We need to stop this.

William: Let’s…

Narrator: And as a result, King John ticked off ‘em all.



SCENE II

William and Robert sit at the table, looking at a piece of paper.

William: What shall we call it?

Robert: The “Up-yours document to the King”

William: Nah. I think “Magna Carta” has a much better ring to it.

Narrator (now Chess): The nobles got together and drafted a document that they named the “Magna Carta” – They had to test out the provisions to see if they would be accepted by their peers.

William: So what do you think about putting down…we can party when we want!!

Robert: Well, I think it should be “The English Church should be free”

William: Okay sure… and my baby boy gets my land holdings and my personal collection of love-love literature?

Robert: Yes… ok so “If any Earl, for military service, shall die, the heir shall have his inheritance.”

But why not consult our buddies and see what they think about this?

Narrator: The authors of the Magna Carta needed to travel far and wide to gain acceptance for their plan.

Robert and William get up and leave.



Note: In this section Tina and Irini play the various other nobles – to indicate this Tina is now wearing a vest or a jacket

Robert: Hey, Ted. What do you think about this plan we have?

Theodore (Tina): Hmm… Well it says “The city of London shall enjoy all its ancient liberties and free customs” – I like it. But you need to write more!

Robert: Alright. How about “No man shall be forced to perform more service for a knight's `fee'”

Theodore: Excellent! But my brother has some more ideas. Let me get my brother, Stanley!

Theodore: OH STANLEY! SOMEONE’S AT THE DOOR!

Stanley (Irini) appears.

Stanley: Hey, we don’t need any door to door salesmen selling Knight Scout Cookies!

Theodore: Stan, this is no cookie. This is our salvation. Here, read this!

Robert: Stanley, do you like what we wrote here?

Stanley: I think this is atrocious, Bob. “Each noble is entitled to five spa treatments per week.” We don’t need that!

Robert: Then what if I said “Earls and barons shall be fined only by their equals”

Stanley: OHHHH perfect for me no one is equal to this bod!

Theodore: Oh, frankly you need to put the kibosh on the summary imprisonments

Robert: Okay, “No free man shall be seized or imprisoned, or stripped of his rights except by the lawful judgement of his equals or by the law of the land.”

Stanley’s jaw dropped.

Stanley: This is so… revolutionary! To hell with summary imprisonment! This is a great idea!

Robert: And “To no one will we sell, to no one deny or delay right or justice.” How’s that?

Stanley: Awesome!

Theodore: I like that better!

Robert: Anything else?

Stanley: It’s perfect, Bob. Just like you!

Robert: Well, I’m off! Have a good night!



SCENE III- the forced signing of the Magna Carta



William d’Aubigny  and Robert Fitzwalter shove King John to Ankerwycke. Robert restrains King while William presents a paper and a pen – Robert has a plastic knife from the St. Edward’s Ragsdale Cafeteria

Narrator (Chess): Knowing that there were no more options for him, King John was forced to sign the Magna Carta

William: Read it, your highness, and sign it.

King John: NO! I refuse!

William: Do you want your throat cut?

Robert: Your highness, even you have limits. You are not infallible. You are not God.

William: London is ours, King John. Bob here has his “Army of God.” It took Northhampton, and now it has London too. There is no way you could stop us. That rebellion was as untamable as a wild lion, your highness. Your only option is to sign this document.

King John: F-fine! I’ll read it, I’ll read it.

King John spends 6 seconds

King John: “No freedman or non-serf could be punished through the …” – No, I need to punish who I want to, willy nilly!

Robert: Your highness, that is not acceptable. Go on

He spents six more seconds

William: I know you are a fast reader, John. Quit stalling!

King John takes 6 more seconds

Narrator: Of course, it didn’t really take 6 seconds to read the rest.

William: Well, you finished?

King John: Yes. I will sign your lousy document. I will grant all of those liberties that you are making me give you. I will send all of my loyal, trusted nobles to meet with you rebellious barons. And I am doing you a favor by giving you no more struggles against your desires.

William holds the pen up to the King’s face. King John snatches the pen and signs the document

Robert: Gooooood.

William snatches the document and Robert shoves the King into the mud. Both laugh as they walk away (Robert to left, William to right).

Narrator: King John was humiliated at the indignity of being forced to sign an agreement with his non-nobles.

King John: Boo-hoo!

King John cries as he walks to the left.



Narrator (Irini): As we said earlier, the Pope un-excommunicated King John, satisfied that John was following the Pope’s direction.

Narrator: When the Pope received the word of the Magna Carta… the word of the subjugation of the King. He was furious.

Narrator: And so the Pope moves to exact revenge against the King’s tormentors

The Pope bursts from the right and grabs a pen and paper. The pope, in his seething rage, mutters:

Pope: Those gosh darn nobles! They make me sick! I am furious!

Pope: What are those bullies doing, going after my Johnny Boy?

The pope sits down and checks his pen to see if it works.

Pope: Well I’ll give them a taste of their own medicine! I shall write my own decree, overruling their puny, worthless document!

Pope: That Magna Carta is as good as canceled!

And he writes:

“John, the king of England, our dearest and illustrious son in Christ, has greatly offended God and church, and we have excommunicated him and placed his kingdom under ecclesiastical interdict.  Under the inspiration of Him who does not wish the death of a sinner but a conversion that the sinner may live, has now had a change of heart.  He has humbly rendered satisfaction to God and the Church.  He has granted his kingdom and that of Ireland to  blessed Peter and the Roman church.  He has received it back from us as a fief [feudum] having promised us a tribute of one thousand marks each year.  He has taken the oath of fealty to us.  .  .  . And even wishing to please omnipotent God more has also taken the sign of the living cross and is making magnificient preparations to go to the aid of the Holy Land.  But Satan, who is always envious of good deeds,  has stirred up the barons of England against him with his deceitful strategems.  .  .  .  These vassals conspired against their lord and swore oaths publically against him.  They joined with his enemies and others and presumed to wage war against him. They occupied and ravaged his lands and captured the city of London, the chief seat of the kingdom.    The king appealed to our court and informed them that he would grant them justice before us, to whom this case belongs by reason of feudal lordship [ratione dominii pertinebat].  They completely refused to submit.  Consequently John was compelled by force and fear, that would cause the most reasonable of men to fail [vir constantissimus], to enter an agreement with them that was not only vile and base, but  illegal and iniquitous.  This agreement diminished and derogated his rights together with his honor.  Because the Lord has said to us through the prophet:

I have placed you over nations and over kingdoms to root up and to pull down, to overthrow and lay in ruins, to build and plant anew" [Jeremiah 1.10]

and also through another prophet:

Destroy the conspiracies of impiety and relieve those torments that wear the people down [Isaiah 58.6] 

.  .  .  With the counsel of our brothers the cardinals, we completely reject and condemn this agreement (Magna Carta) and order under the penalty of excommunication that the king should not obey it and that the barons with their accomplices should not ask that it be obeyed.  .  .  .We declare that the charter and all things connected to it is null and void forever.”

•          Pope: I’ll say this is bull… papal bull that is. That’ll teach them a lesson. They will know that I am supreme! I am justice!

Narrator : And with a stroke of the pen, the Pope ruled the Magna Carta null and void … in Rome. The Pope’s actions did not destroy the rebellion in England. The Magna Carta of 1215 itself had a few holes. It had a lot of ambiguities. Some were intentionally placed there by the nobles, but not all of them were. For instance the nobles had to grapple with government, a field which was previously within the sole domain of the king, so they had a lack of experience when writing about the Magna Carta. The Magna Carta was legally in place for three months. In the end, the  King had zero intention of honoring the Magna Carta. King John prepared for war. The nobles also contributed to the atmosphere by continuing to insult the king. Neither side was planning to abide by the treaty. Neither side was going to back down.

John and William reappear.

William: Okay, now that he’s out of our captivity. I’m almost positive that he’s going to attack again.

Robert: So where will King John attack?

William: He’s certainly going to try to get Rochester Castle. That is our stronghold. I’m going to be there.

Robert and William exit.

Narrator: And so King John did attack Rochester Castle, with William leading the forces. The siege lasted for two months. Starvation and King John’s fiery temper finally did in the siege; as a result of the defeat, its participants, including William d’Aubigny had been taken prisoner. They were not hanged. With the castle taken, the barons found themselves in the crosshairs of a fiery revenge campaign enacted by King John. They needed some help to fight against the King. So they presented Prince Louis of France the crown of England.

Prince Louis appears from the left, and Robert appears from the right.

Prince Louis: What is this?

Robert: Your crown, Prince Louis.

Louis: You mean, I’m becoming…

Robert: King of England. Our king sucks. You get to be king now

Louis: Oh, mon dieu. Merci beaucoup, mes ami! (Oh, my god. Thank you very much, my friends)

William: Doyenne, Roi Louis. Mettez! (You are welcome, King Louis. Put it on!)

Louis puts on the crown, looking elated.

Louis: Je suis le roi d’Angleterre! Je suis le roi!!!!! (I am the King of England! I am the King!)

Louis joyously dances as he exits from the stage.

Narrator: King Louis surely was excited at the prospects of becoming the King of England, the historic enemy of France.

Robert and the King exit

Narrator:  With French Prince Louis on their side, the nobles began to wrest power from under his nose. Within one week Louis was in London. What the Magna Carta itself could not do, the nobles did. King John’s territory was being invaded from under him. He was losing and becoming desperate.

King John is standing up, addressing the whole audience – He appears exasperated, desperate, panicked

King John: I can’t take it anymore! I’m losing all my land, my rule is going to hello, and that means I won’t be able to stand it anymore!

Narrator: King John was running out of options… and time.

King John: At this rate I will get all stressed out and…

Narrator: die.

King John: Hurk!

Narrator: Yes, he died, folks. Of dysentery… in 1216.

King John stumbles and clutches his chest. He groans and gurgles, eyes wide open, as he sits in a chair. He then drops dead, with his wretched face visible to to the audience. Then his eyes close

Narrator: With King John dead, the nobles no longer had to fear open rebellion against their Magna Carta. They could pressure kings to at least try to pay lip service to the document. While the French prince Louis ultimately did not become King of England, John certainly wasn’t the king anymore.

William and Robert enter from the left and right, respectively, and high five before sitting down on two sides of the dead king. William glances at the dead king for a moment, before looking at Robert.

William: I’m glad he’s dead.

William shoves the King, who does not respond

Robert: No more stupid revolts, no more crying to the Pope

William: We’ll get a decent King who will at least pretend to care about the Magna Carta

Robert: Because appearances are all that matter, right?

William: Yeah. When they pretend to care, at least some of it will come true

Robert and William talk softly as the narrator speaks

Narrator: The new King ratified a modified version of the Magna Carta. While the subsequent kings tried as hard as they could to ignore it or worm their way out of it, they never openly, brazenly defied it like King John did. The Magna Carta became a cornerstone of the English law as the 1300s concluded.

Robert and William get up and exit, with William exiting to the left, Robert exiting to the right

Narrator: So, in summary, the Magna Carta had very little of an immediate effect on English rule; its main significance came many years after its signing, in eras far beyond the Middle Ages. It had a far greater effect on the formation of the United States in the 18th Century and on modern democracy movements than it did on England in the Middle Ages, so let’s not overinflate the immediate importance of this document. Anyways, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you all farewell.

The Narrator gives the stinkeye to the corpse of King John, still on his desk. Then the narrator walks away, leaving the audience to stare at the dead King