The Side B of a Dream

“Are you an angel?” I stunned. Someone has asked the same question to me.
“I’m not,” I said with the same answer just like before.
The little girl watched me with her round eyes, she doesn’t believe me. But, it’s the truth.

I’m not an angel. Angels are loved by people, not hated. Angels are hope by people, not feared. Angels are wanted, not abandon, not like me. So, stop asking me the same question. I walked away from the little girl just like I’ve walked away from everything. I’m not wanted so why I should stayed.

“Where are you going?” ask the little girl. She makes me stopped. Why did I stop?
“Don’t go,” I stunned and look at her.

She’s so little and maybe alone. Her family maybe had become victims of this madness. People are going mad and wild. They don’t think about others. They’ve been like that, they never think what they’ve done to me, how I was hurt by them, and by those I loved. No one cares for me; no one cares for a … demon.

“Where are you going, angel?” I look at the little girl. How many times I must say it. I’m not an angel. I’m a …
“Are you going back to heaven?’
“My mother is in heaven now, would you send my hello for her?”
“I can’t go with you. I must look for my father. Father has been so sad since mother died,”
“He has ignored you,” said me.

It’s just like what happen with me, ignored by people I loved. Is it my fault to be birth with this power? I never ask it to be mine. The power I’d use to protect my precious ones, but they fear me instead. They turn me around and leave me alone at that forsaken house. Cursed and unwanted by everybody.

“He’s just sad and confused what to do. But I believe he’s still the same, my father, he needs me,” said the girl. Why is she so persistent for someone who has ignored and leaves her? He needs you? Then he should have stayed and never leaves you in the first place.

I stunned with my own words. I remember someone eyes who look sad when I decided to leave everything behind. She doesn’t say anything that time. I wonder does she have anything to say for me. I guess not.

“You also needed here but too bad you must go back to heaven,”
“No one needs me,” I said quickly. If they do then I might not be here.
“Of course we need you. Everybody needs angels!” she is really persistent.
“People would be sad if there’s no angel, no one who would give happiness,”

I can’t give any happiness; people treat me as if I’m a monster. They were scared of my big power. But why I still save them? I should have let them all. They deserve for what they’ve done to me. But, I can’t do it. I just can’t let them be. I save them no matter how they’ve hurt me. I also saved her, because I can’t let her being hurt.

But she still has that sad look. Why? Have I saved her or was it I have hurt her instead? Does she feel sad because of me? I don’t know. I don’t understand.

“Do you have somewhere else to go, angel?”
“You have something to do. You should go. I’m alright on my own,”
“I’ll find my father soon and we would be happy then. You should go too, someone need you,”
Needed I? Who? Why do her face that comes to me? Does she really need me? Is it the meaning of her sad look?
“….” What’s that? Whose calling me? I look around but no one there, I look at the little girl who looks back at me. Suddenly she smiles.
“Someone is calling you, right?” I stunned.

I hear the voice calling me again, that voice belongs to her. Why she’s calling me? Does something had happen to her? Had I done everything so she would be safe? What if she’s still in danger?

“Go, someone call you, you are needed,” the little girl smile with the same sad look.
Does she feel sad because I’m going to leave? Why she smile to me when everybody wouldn’t? Why she call me angel when everybody calls me demon? Why she call me instead of someone else? Why me? What good of me?
“Are you an angel?” her words ringing again in my mind.

Here I am back at the place I’ve left. Everything still the same, nothing change. It’s still abandon. I’ve expected to see no one here. No one would go near here. They all too scared. Then how I would find her? I think she also doesn’t want to be near of a place with sad memories.

I look at the tree. It was dead. Nothing seems to be good on the place. I touch the tree and let my power run through my hands. It’s the same power I’ve used to find the little girl father, they are happy to see each other. It’s the same power that makes me call as an angel and it’s also the power that frightened people. I’ve saved them but they still see me with fear eyes. I concentrate my power; I want to make the tree alive again so she would know I’m here. If she sees the tree blooming, will she come here? I don’t know. I wanted her to come because I’ve come for her. Because she call me, she needs me and I also need her.

It works. I can feel the tree is alive again. The flowers start to blooming and soon it all bloom. It’s so beautiful. I look at it with amazed, warm feeling fill my heart. People would think I’m a demon for reviving something that supposed to be dead. But to me this power is magnificent, the view I’m seeing is magnificent. I never realize I could do such thing with my power. I thought it was a cursed but then she calls me angel. Maybe she’s the only one who sees my power as a blessing.

I wait. No one come. Maybe she won’t come either. I might scare her instead of telling her I’m here by reviving the tree. I should’ve thought this would happen. There’s no use staying here, I know I should have left and never come back. Why did I come back?

I slowly turn and there she is stand in front of me. She looks surprised. Does she surprise to see me? Does she feel happy to see me? She looked at me closely.

“You’re here. You’re back,” said her.
I nod slowly. I’m surprised she uses the words “here” and “back” I don’t expect to hear the words. Somehow it gives me warm feeling.
“Yes,” I said.
“Why?” ask her. She looks at me.
“Because you call me,” I said.

She becomes stunned. My words have made her surprised. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn’t hear her calling. Maybe it’s just me who wanted to be called by her. She won’t be happy to see me here. It must be like that. But I have to tell her the real reason that makes me come here. I don’t know what she would act but I need to say it.

“And there’s something else too,” I said to her. She looked at me, waiting for me to continue.
I become still.

“I’m here because I want to be with you,” finally I said it.

I keep looking at her and her face suddenly changes. She looks surprised but there’s another feeling come to her face. I don’t dare to guess what feeling.

“Finally, you hear my call,” said her gently.

Her face now fills with smile. I stunned. I don’t expect to have her answer like that. I must be day dreaming. She reaches for me. I let her touch me. It feels warm. I look at her and she ‘s still smiling.

“I’m not an angel,” I said for so many times. She looks at me and smile.
“You are,” she keeps insisted.
“You are my angel,” said her.

I stunned. She could see it in my face. And she keeps smiling. Finally we’ve come to an agreement; she’s right, I’m an angel, an angel just for her.