"Dear Me"

Dear Me,

  I had hoped that last year was going to be my year, but dear me I was so wrong. It started off great because I finished my first draft of my mystery novel, completed several new children stories and finally got a full time job in the spring. I had been published in two journals as a freelance writer, and it all was looking good. Then I was struck with cancer and it went downhill.

  This year , dear old me is hoping that since they got the cancer, I can get my life back. My strength and weight are slowly returning and my outlook though dim is fighting inside and out to keep going. I never thought it would happen to me , but sure enough it did and my whole world turned upside down.

  So I hope that my anger subsides, my depression goes away, my fears vanish and hope returns. This year, even by writing this now as an entry, which I know will not match the many wonderful talent here; it will serve me as an outlet for the pain and anguish I went through most of last year.

  I am looking forward for my hair and beard and mustache to return and most of all , pray that they find no more of this horrible killer, hiding among my cells to bring me back close to the grave.

  Most of all, I want this year to be mine to really see all the good I missed or took for granted and share it as much as I should have. To look closer to my Great Spirit who blessed me with a few more days then perhaps I deserved and to look at every moment I have left as a chance to do better toward others and not waste it as if I have forever.

  Most of all, this year I am praying to be closer to the One who gave me life and really reflect on what I have instead of not having. To look at the goodness in people and not try to find there flaws. You see I have a lot to do this year, but the way I look at it is this. If I keep busy enough doing what I should, perhaps I have another year or so to grow even more. And if God will's maybe even longer.

  This year I want to finish and publish my children stories, finish my final edit of my novel and add more items from out of my dusty briefcase of scribblings that I have carried around unread by anyone for over 45 years.

  I want to regain my abilities as much as possible to be more effective in life . To give back to others what I have seen given to me with such kindness.  I have seen many people  who fought hard although having less a chance than me and by their strength they encouraged me. I have learned so much this past year and I hope to grow enough to have insight enough to not make more mistakes in life but less. So many strangers gave me their time and kindness. Their concern and love. Their support and words that helped me along the way to keep going. In them I want to grow and be more like them.

  I have a lot to do and realized you never are too old to learn. And instead of feeling down and negative, I want to look up and positive toward what I have rather then what I lost.

  Dear me,  I really have learned a lot  and have a lot to do this year!!!

S A Gibbins    BEAR

wc 620