Murphy's Tale

Squeaks accompanied the frost as we walked through the long grass. There are times in my life that I think I am so lucky to have you, to have a family again after…. Well, after a time that was not so great. A time that was paired with kicks and punches and a time that I’ve tried to block out but cant. I still remember… I still remember…

Taken, stolen, stowaway? No. I was thieved from mother, the protective blanket of her fur and the hot, heavy, rhythmic breathing that comforted me whilst I slept …
    I barked and growled and fought and spat, I hissed and clawed and twisted and turned but he wasn’t scared of me, he closed his hand around my mouth and kicked. I stopped struggling and lay, it hurt. Hurt. Then the shouting started and then it never stopped.
    The long drone of a voice woke me from a light and fitful sleep; I was being called. To be shouted at? Or to cower in fear as they beat me in a violent rage? Or in the best case scenario to be sent out of the house away from the noise that makes me want to run and hide, to run and never stop … but I don’t have the spirit. That’s gone too. This is my home whether I like it or not. I am their punching bag. I can’t fight back, I can’t run, I can’t. I don’t think I can or will ever escape.
    No food; I’m so hungry. I whined softly, a sigh to myself wishing for a life other than this better than this. No! He’s getting up. Don’t come to me, I beg, don’t come to me. But he does and I shrink against the wall. I hope if I stay small enough and quiet enough them I won’t get hit. He swings I dodge and he grasps the scruff of my neck and makes an incomprehensible noise that is obviously anger even if I don’t understand.
Ow!
    I walked along the ground close the floor ears pricked up for any sign of a chase; will they follow or will they be glad I’m gone? I sneak around the back and up to the front of the house I will no longer call my home. I’ve had enough I want better I deserve a life free of pain and suffering, I deserve a family that loves me so that I can love them back, and be happy.
    I trotted along the streets and sniffed around, I hadn’t had food in a few days but I was content; I was free. A car passed and I froze then darted under cover. Ok I was still a bit jumpy I thought they would be looking for me to shout at me for running away and drag me back to the hole in the wall that he calls a house. Darkness came all too soon and I found a nook in between two bins to settle down for the night and try to get some sleep. I was cold and hungry and scared that I would never find a home. I couldn’t die out here I was so lonely I had seen no one in days and I had been out here for a while.
    Day light and I wasn’t as scared as last night I guess I was getting used to it. I also wasn’t as cautious, maybe that was my downfall. A van pulled up across the street and I stopped to sniff the air. It wasn’t a scent I recognised. Suddenly there was something around my neck, I yelped in surprise and backed away but it wouldn’t come off! I turned and tried to run but the thing around my neck held tight. Then with nowhere to go and no fight left in me, I lay down. Fine. Take me back I don’t care. The man wasn’t him, I realised. The man stroked me and put something around my mouth so that I couldn’t bite I think, like I would anyway. He took me in his arms and placed me in the back of the van then he stuck something in my skin, I whined and flinched but he rubbed the spot where he had done it and I felt better; he hadn’t meant to hurt me.
And for the first time in my life I felt wanted.
    I woke up and the man led me to the small place. I sniffed around and peed in the corner. I looked at him and he smiled and made a sound that I thought was praise. The other dogs are all barking but I keep quiet. I can hear the deep growls in the small place next to me but I don’t acknowledge them the smell of dog overpowered me. They barked at me; a challenge. I submitted I couldn’t bark my voice was gone…
Then I see the food!
    One of them took me out of the small place. The one I knew. It took me a while to realise I shouldn’t be afraid of him, especially after he stroked me and smoothed my fur and played with me. Then I saw where we were going; not for a play as we usually did but to see more people. A shudder goes through me. You are crouched down and are holding out a hand I’m scared. I look at him for help and reassurance, but I don’t need it, you’re stroking me now with some one else smiling and looking me in the eyes. Suddenly I realise its going to be ok. I’ve found a new home…
    I am lying on my blanket on the bed you put down for me. I call this my home, sanctuary. I know you would never hurt me. When we go for walks I always come back to you, you know why? Because I know you love me and want to comfort me and whenever I stray too far and you call my name; my ears prick up and I bound back to see you with a smile on your face that lets me know that you need me. The touch of your hands stroking my fur back, and the grin that makes my heart burst with happiness and I can see it in your eyes that you’ll never leave me, never abandon me, not like them.
When we go to the water it’s the best! I love running to the edge and staring at the birds I want to jump in but I know what happened last time. I got wet; I didn’t get shouted at, I made you laugh, all of you. And when I tried to get out you helped and found it funny. You didn’t hit me and I wasn’t scared of getting shouted at because I loved every second of it…
I love it when you look at me like you’re the lucky ones then I roll over and look up at you and you crouch down to stroke me and tickle me behind the ears, and you give the best tummy rubs! …Sigh … I’m sat in front of the fire watching the people flicker across the screen. I don’t know what’s happening but you do. I can’t help but look at you and when you turn and smile, I wish I could tell you how happy I am in this moment. And I know I am wanted.


END