I feel awful :(

18/01/11
I feel awful today :(
In fact, I have been feeling like that for a long time already.
I don't appreciate everything! I'm not satisfied with everything I'm doing. I feel like I'm lost. I feel depressed and stressed most of the time. I can't perform to the best because I'm not in mood. I can't communicate well. I don't want to talk to people. I tried and tried to improve in what I'm doing but nothing has changed. I'm still me; awful and despicable. What the hell is wrong with my life? Why is it so unfair? I know life is fair for everyone and there's no such thing as luck. Life is what we do and dream. But.... I'm just tired of daily lifestyle. I'm sick of everyone. I'm in bad mood almost all the time. Nothing could lighten my day. Jesus, I was not like that before. And this is not the way I want to be. This is so wrong. This is so unfair.
I need to change EVERYTHING. Can you believe it? God, I wish I am a Singaporean. Then I wouldn't have this much stress. Everyday, I feel stressed. It's hard to find a day where I feel entirely happy or stressfree. One way or in other, I feel tired.
Please, give me strength. Make me rehappy. I am a good girl. I promise that I will try to be double good. I just need a break time and enough strength to perform all these difficult things. You know that I'm going through really tough time? Wish you could see me.
I am glad though, because my family cannot see me in awful shape now.
I cannot smile.
I cannot laugh.
I am a bad girl.
Am I still a teenager? Then how come I feel so stressed? Aaarghh... I wish I could shout out loud that everything inside me runs away... and never comes back to me...........
God, this is the time I feel so sick