Longing for the Past

When I was younger
I would believe everything I heard
Thinking the whole world is honest
I would blow out the candles
Convinced my wish would come true
I would spill food on my shirt
Not worried about being embarrassed
I would talk to every person I saw
Without fretting about their judgment

When I was younger
I enjoyed drawing
Thinking I was the best artist on Earth
I enjoyed putting on fashion shows
Convinced I was beautiful
I enjoyed having tea parties with Mom
Not worried about looking delusional
I enjoyed sitting on Dad’s lap as he brushed my hair
Without feeling uncomfortable

When I was younger
I dreamt about possessing every career
Thinking it was possible
I dreamt about Santa Claus
Convinced he came down my chimney each year
I dreamt about getting married
Not worried about the wait for Prince Charming
I dreamt about reuniting my parents
Without realizing they split for a reason

When I was younger
I stressed about what my next meal was
Thinking it was macaroni and cheese
I stressed about learning my multiplication tables
Convinced it was impossible
I stressed about if there were any markers left
Worried I wouldn’t get a chance to draw
I stressed about talking to boys
Without knowing the harm they are capable of causing

Now that I am older
I will stare at the stars
Thinking about whatever resides out there
Sometimes convinced it must be more pleasant than here
Worried about never being able to see them again
Without already needing to be up in the clouds

I enjoy being rebellious
Sometimes thinking it is the most fun I can possibly have
Convinced it is what teenagers are supposed to do
Worried about getting caught
Without feeling too much guilt

I dream about living a happy life
Thinking about how to achieve that
Convinced it is harder than it seems
Worried about messing up and not being about to fix the mistake
Without sacrificing too much in the process

I stress about being accepted
Thinking it is the most important thing
Convinced people are too judgmental
Worried about the ultimate rejection
Without being scarred by grief

I am still young
Yet I face so many challenges
I wish I could go back to the innocence
When I was always laughing
When family bonding was fun
When a cartoon could entertain me for hours
When I didn’t have a care in the world

I miss the life
From when I was younger