Screams

My head pounds with the pain of memories just by coming back to here.
The trip back, alone, thinking. . How will this go?
I will be here a full month, I don’t have much of a choice.
Yet still is this fear? Fear of the old pain, the bad times.

My head swirls with emotions as I pull into the drive.
Now resorting to a sofa, in a barn as my home.
I have no real home anymore.
All that was once a home is shattered and gone.

The first week back was bareable.
However as things returned to how it once was it got worse.
And continues to get worse.
And so I wait till the day I can go back to my newest home.

Leaving day please come soon.
I love my the presence of some of those here.
Yet some I cannot bare to even see.
The pain is too hard for me to take.

Has my new home softened me?
Am I no longed the emotionless Pipes they all knew?
Is there such thing as pain that I will show?
Please don’t let my world fall down…again…and again

Just seeing her pains me.
Hearing the lies.
Screaming each day…no one wins
Everyone loses in this stupid game she plays.

Yet I’m the bitch.
I’m the cruel one.
I’m heartless.
…Maybe she’s right…

Or am I just getting mentally fucked again?
Am I living this same Hell once more?
Will this shitty life ever end?
Or will the only ending come with my death?

I hope not.
I hope to go back and be happy once again.
I hope my new friends understand when it takes some time for me to be me again.
And hopefully this me will be the me I have always wanted to be.