Demon Punzel

Narrator: Today’s scary tale is DEMONPUNZEL! The true story, that is, not the twisted
story Disney came up with called “Rapunzel” . Now before we get into the story of
DEMONPUNZEL, I must tell you how this story got started:

Narrator: ( In deep, scary voice)
A long time ago, in a land far, far away... Okay, Okay, In the same park as always , Peterson, there lived a horrible demon that terrorized all the poor Chicagoans. One day a kind warlock went looking for the darn pizza delivery guy (who always ended up in this park woods somehow),and saw the horrible beast snacking upon a native Hippopotamus. The wizard ,aghast, screamed and created a tall tower made out of hippo bones. He then teleported the beast into the castle and locked her away. The castle, and the beast, has not been seen since.

Narrator: Now that that's all cleared up, onwards to Peterson Park!!! ( Ominous Music)

Narrator: Once upon a time there was a young and quite dashing prince who always seemed to end up in trouble.

Prince: MMAAAIIDDD!!!!!!!! I'm gonna take Frothy for a walk okay??

Maid: Alright My Prince, just don't go into the woods.

Prince: ( muttering to himself) stupid maid. You can't tell me what to do. HUMPH!! You know what I'm going to do I'm going to go into the woods!

Narrator: And so with that stubborn attitude , the prince sets off to go to the forest. but soon loses his pet chihuahua, Frothy.

Prince: FROTHY!!! FROTTTTTHHHHHYYYY!!!!!! snifiling I MISS YOU BOY!! COMMEE BA- hey what's that??

Narrator: the prince spot a extremely tall tower and hears a beautiful song coming down from it.

Prince: my what's that beautiful noise? I must find out!
HELLO??? ARE YOU A CHICK OR A DUDE???

Demonpunzel: ( in sweet voice) OH MY DEAR FELLOW HUMAN, CLIMB UP MY HAIR AND YOU SHALL SEE MY RAVISHING FACE.

Prince: SO YOU WANT ME TO CLIMB UP YOUR IMPOSSIBLY LONG HAIR, THEN GO INTO YOUR HOUSE WHERE I CAN'T ESCAPE FROM KNOWING FULL WELL YOU MIGHT BE A KNIFE-WIELDING PHYSCO??

Demonpunzel: yes, why not?

Prince: Oh.... okay. What's your name fair maiden?

Demonpunzel: It is Demonpunzel.

Prince: Oh my what a charming name! well, time to get on with it, to do my princely duty: DEMONPUNZEL, DEMONPUNZEL LET DOWN YOUR HAIR

Demonpunzel: giggle.............. okay.

Narrator: Bundles, and bundles of Thick, coarse brown hair filled with sticky yellow bits of whoknowswhat fell down in tumbles as the prince watched in awe. As soon as the prince starts climbing his hands and his custom made baby seal boots were covered in the mysterious yellow stuff.

Prince: EEWWWWW!!!! WHAT IS THIS STUFF???

Demonpunzel: oh it's hard to wash down there, sorry 'bout the mess!

Narrator: the prince spends 3 hours climbing up Demonpunzel and untangling himself.

Prince: Whew! finally pant pant

N: The prince turns to see an elevator opening up. He turns to stare accusingly at Demonpunzel

Demonpunzel: Hey I let you do your princely thing!

Pizza delivery guy: I uhh got some pizza here...... a toe pizza... but we had to replace the toes with uhh fingers..... so yeah.... you gonna pay or what dudette?

Demonpunzel: (all flustered) oh come with me over in the other room where no one can hear us.

Pizza delivery guy: okay sure whateva.

Minutes later
Demonpunzel: all right now that that's taken care of.... oh yes you must think me a monster for buying that but the truth is i have to give the pizza to the monster who comes here every night or else he'll kill me!

P : oh thank goodness! I thought you were gonna eat that large pizza by yourself i mean i thought that you couldn't be that much of a fatty!

N: The Prince actually looks at Demonpunzel for the first time and sees a beautiful young maiden with short blond hair and the longest ear hair he's ever see.

P: So that's what the yellow stuff was!!!!

D: Oh yes sorry about that!

P: I really should get going, I mean it's almost time for my daily bathing, and sometimes i miss that so i can't be late again! May i visit you again?

D: Of course!! No one else comes to visit me except for the pizza guy and this freaky old man who just comes in and stares at my wall the whole time.

P:...................... Righhhhttt........... so i'll see ya soon!

N: The prince returned home only to find himself thinking about Demonpunzel. Day after day he visited her and fell more and more in love with her,

THE NEXT DAY

Narrator: As the prince wakes up he is struck wit a sudden urge to get married to demonpunzel

Prince: AAHHH YAWN hhmmmm i have the sudden urge to be joined in matrimony! MAIIIDDD!!! I REQUIRE A DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING AND A BUSHEL OF ROSES!!! OH AND BRING ME UP SOME CUBED FRUIT!! I DO ENJOY CUBED FRUIT!

Narrator: As soon as the prince finished his cubed fruit, he makes his way down to Demonpunzel's tower. When he gets there he hears a rustling in the bushes.

P: my, my, my have we got a stray hippo?

Wizard: NO YOU FOOL! I am a wizard I have magic coursing through my veins!

Prince: yeah well you know what i have coursing through my veins??? Blood, just like every human does. Listen buddy, I need to go propose to my girl and i don't have time for your little Houdini acts got? Good now get out of my way buster brown.

Wizard: I warn you demonpunzel is a terrible monster!!! do not go to her tower she is a living nightmare!

Prince: yeah well let me say this: most wives are. But we still gotta live with them, don't we?

Wizard: no you fool! ackkk!!!! no i must leave, i have my dentist appointment, see i've got this really weird tooth growing on my uvula and i don't know where the heck it came fro- anyway, mark my words danger comes from demonpunzel!!!

Narrator: as soon as the Wizard ran into the horizon, the prince calls for demonpunzel to let her hair down. He spends 6 hours climbing up (mostly because he kept dropping the stuff) and finally he reaches the top and begins to propose.

Prince: Demonpunzel, will you marry me??

Demonpunzel: squeals OHMIGOD OHMIGOD YESS!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

Prince: good, okay, i already brought my stuff so yeah we can get married.......... tomorrow???

DEmonpunzel: okay, sure!

Narrator: The couple got married, with the pizza delivery girl and the old man in attendance.They spend seven months happily until the prince discovers something.

Prince: I'm hungry, I think i'll go raid- I mean look through, the refrigerator.

Narrator: After the prince raids the fridge, he spots a closet he's never seen before.

prince: hmmm... I think i'll go and invade my wife's privacy and look through her closet!

narrator: Inside the closet, there was a locked trunk with many layers. When the prince opened it, he saw a compartment that was actually a prison. he looked deep down and saw the pizza guy from before, a chinese food guy, a Jimmy John's guy, and a taco guy.

Prince: Ommyygood!!!!!!

Chinese guy: Stop talking and get us out!!!!!!!

Jimmy John's guy: yes, please get us out.

Narrator: the prince helps them out as quickly as possible but has a little trouble with the taco guy. As soon as the last person came out, Demonpunzel entered the kitchen yawning

Demonpunzel: yawnn what are you doi- growl What are you doing?????
those are my snacks!!!!

Prince: You know what? Eating people is wrong, and i'm heping these people escape!

Chinese guy: Yeah!!!!!!!!!!

Narrator: at this point demonpunzel gobbles up the Jimmy John's guy and the chinese guy. The taco guy gets so frightened he jumps out the window and lands on the pavement with splat.

Demonpunzel: I have you know!!!

Narrator: The wizard suddenly appears out of nowhere and punches her in the face.

Demonpunzel: What did you just do to me you old crone???

Wizard: umm... my hand twitched?

Demonpunzel: AUUGHHHH!!!!!

Narrator: Demonpunzel quickly pounces on the wizard, devouring him.

Prince: Hey you know what? Let's just forget this ever happened, because deep down I love you, and you love me...... right??

Demonpunzel: Well i want a divorce!!!!!

narrator: Demonpunzel eats the prince, bringing an end to the story. We have no further knowledge of the whereabouts of Demonpunzel so we warn yo- wait what's that noise? Hello? wait OHMIGOD WHERE ARE YOU AUUGGGHHH HELP MEEEEEE! AUUG-.


The remains of henry Jenkins, narrator to Demonpunzel, were found in a half-eaten "roast beef" sandwich. The Killer is still at large