The Fillmore Ch 8

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Chapter 8
         The next several days passed without much incident. Zoey found herself enjoying her politics class very much. She’d always been fascinated with government, and had taken all the available classes in high school. Now, she found herself with a kind of freedom she’d never had before. She could more or less control what she did and when, and so had found herself reading her politics textbook frequently. She’d read through chapters the rest of her small class had not yet touched on, and she had a desire to keep going.
         The girls had taken to spending the night in each other’s rooms, keeping the routine of switching each night. They also planned their lunches together and neither had had to sit alone in a week. Most evenings, they spent their free time studying together, and when neither had homework, they continued learning about each other. Zoey learned that Alyssa had a brother who had suffered much the same treatment as she, and the two had forged the unbreakable bond of brother and sister. She’d went to him after her “death” and explained what had become of her, and the two still kept in touch.
         Zoey asked Claire about this, nonchalantly of course, and learned that it was considered acceptable for a shifter to reveal themselves to one or two people from their human lives. Zoey contemplated this, and realized that she had no one to bring into her new life. That had lead to a tearful session with Claire in which Zoey revealed the crushing loneliness she’d had to endure under her father’s roof. It was very difficult for Zoey to talk about the things her father had done, and Claire understood this perfectly. She also understood that Zoey needed to face everything, admit to it in a sense, before she would be able to heal the scars on her mind. She let Zoey take her time, dealing with each individual wound slowly, but she also pushed her to keep going. She never let her rest for long.
         That had happened on Friday, so Zoey was due for another painful step when she entered Claire’s office the next day. They had discussed her isolation until Zoey was able to let go of that one little piece of the mountain of resentment she had for her father, but Claire wasn’t done. She had been there about twenty minutes, talking about normal things like her classes, when Claire started asking about her mother. This was an easier subject for Zoey, as she remembered better times when her mother was still alive.
         “Her name was Chloe,” she said with a small smile. “She died when I was three, and I don’t remember what she looks like, but I do remember her. I remember the love and happiness she gave me during the little time I got with her. And her hair,” she added, her mind drifting off for a moment. She came back to herself and continued, “I used to love to play with her long, silky hair. I was black, like mine, but so lovely.”
         “Your hair is beyond beautiful Zoey, as gorgeous as I am sure hers was. But this memory you have of your mother is a great thing. You should keep it close to your heart, and use it as a source of strength when you are feeling dark, pulling from her kindness and courage. She sounds like a wonderful woman, and I am sure she would be proud of the woman you have grown to be.” Claire’s response had touched Zoey deeply. She shed a few tears for her mother’s death, but took Claire’s advice and used her memory to give her strength. She was soon smiling again and realized their hour was coming to a close.
         “Who is Sissy?” Claire asked abruptly. Zoey was caught completely by surprise, and a wave of fear and despair fell over her before she could even think to brace herself against it. She stared blankly at Claire for a minute, then all the air seemed to whoosh out of her, leaving her looking deflated.
         “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about Sissy, Claire,” she responded softly.
         “We are never ready to deal with the things that have hurt us, Zoey. Sometimes all that entails is talking about it, and sometimes it’s something much more difficult. But you must, in order to move forward.” Zoey silently cursed Claire’s seemingly infallible logic.
         “She was the neighbor’s daughter, and she was my best friend,” Zoey admitted after a long moment of silence.
         “That is good Zoey, it obviously took a lot for you to talk about her, and I respect that. I’m going to let you go for the day, but I would like you to think about your mother until our next session, which is Monday, by the way. Think about her strength, and courage, and pull it into your self. And think about Sissy, not the bad things, but the good ones. Think about what made her your best friend, and why you loved her. We’ll continue this conversation on Monday.” Zoey nodded, acknowledging her request. She took a minute to calm her nerves with a breathing exercise Claire taught her, then headed back to her dorm.
         When she got back to her room, she found Alyssa inside, perched on the edge of her bed. This was a normal occurrence for the two girls, so Zoey wasn’t really concerned. When she got into the room, however, she noticed the worried look on Alyssa’s face.
         “Alyssa, what’s wrong?”
         “I found something.” She’d been waiting to hear those three words since Alyssa first mentioned the archives. She’d been going to the archives while Zoey went to counseling, and spending her time there, searching for a reference to shifters who didn’t discover their totem. She thought she’d be happy to know more about her condition, but the words, combined with the expression on her face, chilled her instead..
         “What? What is it?” Alyssa held up an ancient looking book, bound in cracked brown leather, with brittle yellow pages. She held her finger in a spot about halfway into the book, marking where she’d stopped reading and started walking to Zoey’s room. Zoey sat down next to her on the bed, and Alyssa opened the book between them, balancing it on their thighs.

         “Very rarely, a human will make the transition to shifter without their totem. These people are called the Unchanged. No one really knows why it happens, but it seems most common in those who commit suicide. For these individuals, the animal begins building inside. It builds up with no outlet until the body can no longer contain it. When this happens, the animal literally bursts forth from the human, and takes control of the mind. There are no recorded cases of shifters regaining dominance of the mind, and most are never seen again. Some shifters, when exposed to life threatening circumstances before the onset of severe symptoms, will make the Change and gain control of their totem.”

         Zoey sat unmoving as she finished the short paragraph. “the animal literally bursts forth from the human” kept replaying itself in her mind, but it was background noise compared to the thought of losing her mind. In all of her human life, she’d had no control over almost anything, save for her mind. Her mind was the one place she was safe from her father. It was the place she kept her dreams, her desires, and most importantly, the memory of her mother. Her mind had been her only precious possession for most of her life, and she could not think about losing it.
         “Zoey?” Alyssa asked after while. “Are you okay?”
         “I’m not sure Alyssa. I mean…it’s rare enough for this happen at all, and rarer even to live through it?” A thought suddenly came to her. “And why didn’t Claire tell me about this?” She felt a flash of sadness through the chaotic emotions going through her at that thought. Claire had withheld things from her.
         “She might not know about it, I did find this in the archives. I’ve never heard of anything like it, but what I have heard is that no one else in this school has ever heard of such a thing either. This could be forgotten information.” Zoey was quiet again, but only for a moment while she seemed to think.
         “We have to show this to Claire,” she declared, hardening her resolve. Alyssa nodded and stood, holding the book with her finger marking the place again. Zoey walked briskly to the door, Alyssa following close behind. The two girls made the short walk to the counseling office and found themselves rapping on the door a couple minutes later. Claire opened the door, looking surprised and worried at the same time.
         “What’s going on girls?” she asked.          
         “Claire, do you know what happened to the other shifters who didn’t make the first Change like me?” she blurted out, not thinking first. Claire looked shocked for a split second, but it quickly dissolved into resignation. 
         “Yes, Zoey, I did. I am sorry I didn’t tell you. Please come in here, would like Alyssa to come along?”
         “Yes,” she replied shortly and followed Claire into her office, passing her usual seat on one of the arm chairs, and opting instead for the two-person sofa. Alyssa sat beside her, and Claire took her usual seat across from them on the other sofa. She seemed to notice Zoey’s choice of seating and gave an approving nod.
         “This is a delicate matter, and I trust that you remember the need for privacy in this room, Alyssa?”
         “Of course. Nothing said in this room is repeated outside of it without the clearly spoken approval of the other party.”
         “Good, thank you. Zoey I did not tell you about this fact yet because of your…episode the night you awoke here. You clearly had made up your mind about your suicide when you carried it out. You were not at all happy to know you had to continue to live in this cold, awful world. I was afraid that if I told you about this right away, you would have welcomed it, and wouldn’t have seen any reason to let me help you. It has been on my mind to tell you recently, but I was waiting until I was absolutely sure you ready to hear it.” Zoey thought about this before replying.
         “You were right to worry I’d welcome it.” Claire looked concerned so she hurried on. “I am absolutely ready, I need to confront my father.”