If I were to go, before I am old

If I were to go, before I am old
I hope I make an impression in this world.
I hope that my family, above all were told
That I tried to live life to the fullest
That I tried to reach out, be bold.
However
People that know me, know
That I am not who I tried to be
Instead I dwell alone in my cavern
Contemplating leaving before I came to be.

If I were to go, before I am old
I would hope some of the dearest to me
Would remember
That I loved to laugh and play
But instead of balancing, I did what was suggested not
I played all day.
And in this prison of silence
Of not knowing what to say
I contemplate seeing the end of my days.

If I were to go, before I am old
Just know that my prayer is that of Bartender
The green that is smoking me
Came from the vine that strung Judas
From the Devil's tree
And part of the struggle
Of stepping out of my cavern
Is the fear and effort of change.
And as the green digs its roots deep in the ground
Normal life feels so strange
To me.

If I were to go, before I am old
Anyone feeling the way I am feeling
Would understand, regardless of being told
That I should not of done what I had done
Putting my body to the ground, cold
That I did not face my fears, but run run run
To the bowels of death
Satan, he took a breath
And now, I am contemplating death.
It seems that my soul is sold.

If I were to go, before I am old
Sister of mine please don't forget me if I go.
If I were to go, before I am old
Be brother of mine, please don't forget me if I go.
If I were to go, before I am old
Lover of mine, please don't stop loving if I go.
If I were to go, before I am old
Mother of mine, please don't forget me if I go.
If I were to go, before I am old
Father of mine, push on, love to live life, if I go.
Finally
If I were to go, before I am old
God of mine, love me still if I go.