Delivering Anvils

    Have you ever tried wooing a girl while throbbing in pain?  I'm not  talking about the "pain" of love but physical pain.  Well, this is the story:                             

    First, did you know there is such a job as delivering anvils?  Well, there is.  Yes, once I was an anvil delivery boy, believe it or not. 

    Back in the late 1930's I was a young man, looking for jobs to pay for college and there were many jobs available.  Most were low-paying but college tuition was quite cheap back then.  Parking cars, pumping gas and counting traffic on the road, but it never occurred to me there was such a thing as delivering anvils.  With my love for cars I looked for a job which entailed delivering things around town.  Finally, one day, I ran into a shop that sold anvils.  It was Andy's Anvil Shop and it not only sold anvils but they  had a quick delivery system.  If a person called in for an anvil they would guarantee the delivery in 30 minutes from the time of the call, or you would get a 15 percent discount.

      Going to Andys I talked to the owner and  within ten minutes of the interview, I took the job.

    At first I was disappointed that I had to use my bike for delivery.  I mentioned his 'company car' but he thought I should start with the bike. Lashing the anvil to my bike, it proved to be quite disastrous.  With all that weight near my handlebars it was, to say the least, clumsy.  After smacking into telephone poles a few times I had to try something else. Always late in delivery I didn't even get the extra fifty cents for quick delivery.  I tried everything. Even a wagon tied behind me, but nothing worked.  Finally, I begged him to use his car for delivery.  He finally consented, but only if I drove carefully.

    Well, it was an old 1934 Hudson and it was so beat-up one could do it no further harm. The brakes grabbed, the steering was loose and the clutch chattered like crazy.  Actually, the transmission was so loose it was sort of fun to shift.  (This  was long before annual inspections).

    On my first day of using the car I carefully backed it up to the anvil which was to be delivered.  Straining to pick it up I was quite amazed at it's weight but I finally got a good grip on it.  Before the car, Andy had to help me lash the anvil to the bike.

    Anyway, as I lifted up the heavy anvil into the trunk, Andy watching, he said,

    "Careful son.... the last two boys got hernias doing that.."

    I had no idea what a hernia was but it sure sounded bad.

    Dropping the anvil into the trunk it almost went through the rusting floor.

    On my first delivery by car I made it in 30 minutes so I already earned an extra 50 cents so things were looking up.  Over  the next few days  I only missed my deadline once but that was due to a flat tire.  The real problem every day was just getting the anvil into the trunk and removing it at delivery.  A 200 pound anvil doesn't sound that bad but it is solid steel and not easy to get a grip.  The real danger was of course, dropping it on my toe. That was my big concern to say the least.

    Then, one day, it happened.

    Backing up to the loading dock, my clutch chattering, I got close enough and got out to unload the anvil.  Carefully lifting it out, I was suddenly distracted by a girl in the back.  (Being a teenager I was easily distracted).  As I tried to get a better look at the girl, the anvil slipped from my hands and to my horror, it landed on my big toe.  I figure your little toe is expendable  but not your big toe, 

      As the pain shot through my toe it was all I could do to keep from screaming but I had to show self constraint.  Managing to lift the anvil onto the loading dock I limped off, tears running down my face. Then, looking back, I could barely see the girl through my tears.

    After a few days my toe began to heal but it still throbbed with pain.  Driving the car using my heel on the gas and brake it was a chore to drive, especially with the loose steering, but I managed.

    One day I was thrilled that the shop,where I saw the girl, ordered another anvil. 

    This was my chance to see her again.

    Weaving through traffic and speed-shifting the old Hudson, I couldn't wait to see her again.

    Driving down the alley, up to the loading dock, I skidded to a stop, showing off my driving skills.  To my delight, she was standing at the dock, waiting for me.  My heart pounded at her sight.  Wearing a print dress and still in pig-tails she was beautiful beyond words.  No, she didn't have freckles but she was my idea of beauty.  I had a few girlfriends in school, but this was the real thing.  Her smile was like sunshine to me.  I just had to make an impression on her.

      Swaggering out the car, closing the car door, I tried not to notice as the handle fell off.  While  opening the trunk I was mindful of the risk of an accident if I became distracted by her beauty.  As she stood closer she asked if she could help, but I said,  "No, it's a cinch."

   

    Carefully lifting the anvil out, the girl could see my sweaty arms and though somewhat scrawny, my small muscles bulged out making an impression on her.  Trying to smile as I gritted my teeth, my fingers began to slide on the smooth iron surface.  Again, to my horror, the anvil slipped from my hands.

    Now, it could have fallen on any toe, but no, it had to fall on my healing toe.  As my toe throbbed with massive pain, again tears ran down my cheeks.  Managing to look nonchalant, I lifted the anvil up to the dock.  Realizing I was in great pain, my toe bleeding, she offered to bandage it.  Telling her in a calm voice, I replied,  "No, I'd rather you didn't touch it."



    So, there I was, trying to make conversation with her while smarting in pain,  The tears blurred my vision so bad I could barely see her.  Clenching my teeth I told her I'd like to see her again but I don't think she could understand my words.

    Though I never saw her again I'll never forget that sweet moment of meeting her in spite of my throbbing pain.

    So, if you want to know what it's like to woo a girl while you are in intense pain, try dropping a 200 pound anvil on your big toe.