Time and Again

Time and Again

1            I have just won the decisive battle,
2            yet I still want to surrender
3            because I was almost comfortable with life before victory
4            and I don't know how to change.

5            I find that the time I spent in life
6            before I saw a greener horizon
7            is without me, now, and I miss it
8            more than I wish to give likeness or quantity to.

9            I lay knowing that I will be better off in the future,
10          but I focus my mind on making the old, poor ways
11          fit into the new world.
12          They do not, can not, will not fit.

13          The war outside is over anon,
14          yet a new one surges quietly inside; victory eludes me.
15          My mind flutters full of florescent images of submission.
16          What can stop that which holds fire to my palisade keep?

17          Not quantity of men, or swiftness of action,
18          genius of strategy, or specialized force,
19          nor perfectly gauged and weighed return
20          can see my mind to resist this urge to self-please.

21          I have but two small words
22          to help me to stay strong
23          as the gaping maw of addiction and pleasure and society and my inefficiencies of reason
24          force my mind into crevices too small.

25          Time and Again:
26          'Time' to painfully slowly rid myself of habit;
27          'Again' to proliferate that which sees my potential:
28          Did you stay clean today? Okay. Again.

29          Did you go to work today? Okay. Again;
30          did you eat today? Okay; again;
31          did you sleep today? Okay, again.
32          Did you stay clean today? Good. Again.

33          This is the nature of change for the better.
34          Rarely does it change quickly,
35          yet do not forgo its lack of form; it's malleability:
36          Just because I can not change today, does not mean I will not be different tomorrow.

37          Again.  Again.  Again.  Again.
38          Today. Tomorrow.  Tomorrow's tomorrow.
39          Iteration: Repeat; grow, change; again; learn, cope, love; again; fail, wallow, regain; again;
40          be free, again, be free. . .

~RDK; Slight