Remorse

The wind was bitter cold against his face as he placed the small package in the front passenger seat. He stopped and sighed, glancing at the bleakness of the morning sky before shutting the car door. It felt heavy. Everything he did seemed to carry a dark weight since the accident.

His once light step gone, he moved around to the driver’s side and sat in quiet thought for moment. Turning the key in the ignition the car rumbled to life as he caught his reflection in the rear-view mirror. The face that stared back had changed. Flat, sunken eyes. New lines surrounding each. Sleep didn’t come easy any more but perhaps he didn’t want it to, perhaps he felt he didn’t deserve its gift of escape.

He drove away.

An hour later he parked and walked the solitary walk he did every Sunday, he knew the route by heart. He could see it each time he closed his eyes. He knew how many steps it took to reach his destination.

Unwrapping the package he felt a tear slide down his cheek as he knelt down in front of the simple headstone. He placed the flowers on the damp ground and bowed his head in silent prayer to the woman he only ever knew in death.

And once again asked himself why on that last Christmas Eve he had felt the need to have one more drink before he drove home.