Read a Book.

I work the kitchen and a little karaoke at a bar called PJs, those of you living here in Spokane, WA may know the place.

Monday's at a bar suck. Most people hate Mondays, but they are rested from the weekend. Turns out they aren't willing to drink way too late and spend way too much money until at least Wednesday. As a side note, it's sad how many people hate their lives so much that they can't stand it by the middle of the week, and can only cope by drinking themselves into oblivion.

But anyway. We are trying to think of a way to Spruce up Monday night, try to draw in those tenacious souls who do go out boosing on a Monday.

I had this idea that was bouncing around in my head. Every day I work the Karaoke, the same people come and sing the same songs. Now I am as much a fan of 'Hotel California' and 'Don't stop believing' as the next guy, but I have to resist offing myself or crying in the booth every time I hear them, let alone keep a smile on my face (which I do, I just close my teeth and spread my lips as WIDE as I can). I need a break from this before I throw myself off a cliff. Maybe everyone does. We are blessed with a great many decent to good singers at PJ's, which is awesome on sore ears, but they ALWAYS sing the SAME SONGS. I love when people do Kamikazes. (Which is karaoke lingo for a song they have never sung and aren't sure how it is going to go). I have the most fun when the person realizes a few measures in that they really have NO IDEA how to sing this particular song, and then push through anyway! Especially if they are working the crowd.

Coming to the point, I came up with the idea for a Kamikaze karaoke contest. We could do it on Mondays to bring in some people, five dollar buy in, winner takes all. All week people put suggestions in a hat/jar/any appropriate receptacle, and on Monday you have to draw a song randomly and sing it, no matter what it is. Sounds fun, right?

So, when I am thinking through the exact process it would entail, who and how I should suggest it, how to advertise it, etcetera. I think best out loud, so I was telling all of this to a friendly customer I have seen a time or two before. Then he gets all excited, he has a great idea: Let's call it the KKK.

...

I have to take a moment to collect myself. This suggestion has assaulted me from two different sides, and I will be true to myself and honest with you in saying I wasn't sure which one Charlie Horsed my soul worse.

"First off," I tell him, "that's a horrible idea. And second: Contest starts with a 'c'." I can tell right away that he is really not getting this, and I have to take the time to explain to him that not everybody possesses his particular variety of humor, and I suspect many people wouldn't think it was funny, and we would therefor alienate a section of our customer base. He just pressed on.

"Fuck it. Fuck em. You know?" He tells me. "KKK, that's funny." I come to the conclusion that this person needs some perspective. Some education. It is clear to me that this guy has never been on the wrong side of a lynching mob and wouldn't be able to fathom what it would be like. Still, I don't think this is a racial issue. Oh, no, it is WAY more far reaching than that. This is a problem that effects every group that exists. Most of you know of it, and are intimately familiar with those plagued by it. You guessed it, stupidity. It is a self perpetuating virus that infects all walks of life from the bottom to the top and on all sides. It is easy to diagnose, but tricky to cure. It spreads via mouth. It spreads through the air, you can catch it in your ears and it stays inside of you until you pass it to someone else, unless you have a particularly good system that kills these things quickly. It is a brain disease that corrupts decently well researched thoughts and replaces them with nonsense, propaganda and vagueries. (Which is not a word, but it should be). Symptoms include narrowing of vision, vomiting of the mouth and often death (of yourself or others).

You can help with a cure, though, for people like my poor oblivious customer. I seriously think a lynching mob may be in order for this dire situation. Except instead of tying people to the back of a car and dragging them through the streets, you follow sufferers around, hit them upside the head with books and yell at the top of your lungs 'LEARN THE GOD DAMNED ALPHABET'.

Just a thought.