On My Way Down

I’m on my way down now.
Riding on a deep depression.
Falling away from myself,
Into the negative.

Wouldn’t you like to join me?
To watch me?
Watch my decay?
To laugh?
Laugh at the tatters of me?

My bones groan,
In a depressed moan,
Morning the cruelty,
Cruelty of many.

My body is worthless to me,
Yet dear to me,
Constantly reminding me,
Of the pain I hold so close.
I adore pain,
The pain is myself,
Yet I resent myself,
Therefore I resent pain,
But it makes me more,
More than nothing.

I am pain.
If pain were a being,
I’d be naked,
But cloaked in negative.
Pain is thought to be bad,
Am I resented?
Resented for pain?
Pain born unto me?
Unto my soul unwillfully?

OH! But I adore it now!
Accept it with open gratitude!
Open arms and beckon to it!
Come to me sweet pain
For I rather gouge out my eyes before nothing…
No I shall not be nothing…

Nothing is a thing forgotten,
A thing undone,
And I HAVE been done
And I will NOT be forgotten
Most of all
I don’t want to forget,
You can’t forget yourself…
Could you?

I want to drown,
Then perhaps I will finally feel
In my place
In my home
Where I belong

I'm on my way down now