Cold Turkey

I held my heart in the palm of my left hand, and slowly dragged myself towards oblivion.The heart is a throbbing mass of muscle, dark red, with tendons oozing out a little blood here and there with every throb, but that day it settled down in my outstretched hand, perfectly. The walk was slow, almost a drag and i could feel as if my legs were on a course of their own. They walked with me with no intention of going where i wanted them to go. Momentarily i would look back to the palm of my hand and it was still there, my heart, neither could i put it down, nor could i put it back to where it belonged inside me. I was numb, tired and sweating. And i walked on, step by step, with dread of a knight who is about to slay the dragon once and for all.

In that moment i realized what it takes to become a man, to fight against thy own fears, to hold your heart and see the blood ooze out of you like a slime. little at a time, with each advancing step.

the night was darker than any other night, even the sound of screeching tires beside me seemed a far cry. i hovered around the majestic apartment, troubled and sweating... and before i could take my next breath, i was somewhere, on some floor, in front of a dark wooden door of that building. And that was my destination... The ring of the bell was answered on the 3rd call.

The door opened giving out a little cry as if to say, now is the last chance, just turn and run away... go away, you don't have to slay any dragons, My legs froze in that sudden palpitating moment and i was still holding my heart.

There she was, a princess, cascade of hairs flying across her bright face shaded with a curtly smile, perfected over the years, unknowlingly inviting me to step into her world. I felt as if pleading her against my wish to hold out my heart for me.

It was heavy, could she just hold it for a moment. Just this once. Never again.

And she did hold my heart, cupped in her hands, relieving me of my trouble. She mended it and put it back to where it belonged, inside me. It was a simple act of courage. And she didn't fail me. I went on to her apartment, met with her family, her husband and a little angel tottering around her legs, lost in some dream world of her own, just like me.



I shared a brief moment with her family, a conversation with her handsome young husband, took her parents blessing and walked away from her life not turning back for once. The days that followed were miserable in every sense of the word.



Halucinations of a better life hovered like a bee, stinging with a will of it's own, again and again. Something was lost in that moment. A realization dawned on me that this was the last meeting. Never again shall i meet her.

Never again...