The Darkness

         I start my day once again, my mind awakens before my body. My mind is telling me to get up for there is much to do, my body hurts and is refusing. It was only a couple of hours ago that I could not sleep and now I don't feel like getting up. I must begin my day so I get up and I tell myself what a great day this is going to be. I say my morning prayer religiously, I believe in God and have faith that there is a heaven, One foot in front of the other I start a new day and a new pot of coffee. My injuries are from exposure to chemical warfare wepons so I have both of my hands and feet, my injuries are inside and can not be seen. Soon I find myself checking my email and begin to write in my journal. I am a disabled veteran so I can not work anymore and that in itself is killing me. I am the kind of person who likes to work, play, and just do. My disabilities have robbed me from my life, the life I was supose to have. I stop for a minute and begin to think of all the things I miss because I can not do what other dads do for and with their children. I watch my family and life come in and go out the door. People are doing their daily activities and life is happening. Here it comes, the feeling of overwhelming dread, the feeling that my existance can be defined as a burden to those I love. Is this what I'm supose to be, is this what I'm supose to feel. I could easily take my life and the pain would stop, how selfish the thought. I am a Christian and believe that suiside is a sin and I do not want to be crossways with God. For my life includes more people than just myself. One foot in front of the other I continue my day. One foot in front of the other I continue my life. This is the way I will beat this thing called depression.