Misdirected Love

“Misdirected Love”
In the Style of Comedy Roman Plays, The First Century BC

By Lyle R. Amlin

CHARACTERS, in order of Appearance:
Character #1: Brutus, 18 year old son of Clodius
Character #2: Justus, the family slave and advisor to Brutus
Character #3: Clodius, father of Brutus and head of the family
Character #4: Kryspin, a drinking companion and the "town lover"
Character #5: Ovinus, a second drinking companion
Character #6: Rectus, Brutus’ closest friend, gambler and town "never do well"
Character #7: Prissy, a buxom serving girl at the inn
Character #8: Livia, the woman Brutus wishes to sleep with


ACTS, SCENES & BRIEF DESCRIPTIONS:

ACT I
Brutus and Justus are in the central courtyard of the family villa in a medium size town in Italy. The year is 57 BC. Brutus want Justus, the family slave, to help him convince his father, Clodius, to let him go drinking with his friends.

ACT II
Scene One --Brutus and Justus have arrived at the Inn that evening where Brutus meets his friends and begins drinking. They poke jibes at each other and get drunk.
Scene Two – Brutus passes out and is carried by Justus to the room they will be sharing on the second floor of the inn.

ACT III
Justus arrives at the room of Livia.

ACT I
Courtyard of the family villa.

All that is visible is an apple tree and a three-legged stool to one side.
Brutus, the son, is standing under a tree in the courtyard. Brutus is wearing a pure white linen tunic, sandals laced up his legs, a belt around his waist and a long, thin knife sheathed in on his belt, a “script” (leather purse) hangs from his belt.
Justus, barefoot, wears a dirty, torn tunic and his hair is disheveled. He walks into the courtyard from stage left, coming up behind Brutus. They are almost the same size and stature.

BRUTUS:
(Looks up into the apple tree over his head, reaches up to get an apple, but it’s out of his reach. He tries jumping, but still can’t reach it. Flustered, he says)
By the Gods, that besotted apple grows just out of my reach, and I so wanted an apple to tide me over until later.

JUSTUS:
(Has come up behind Brutus, stands there watching Brutus futilely try to get the apple and coughs)

BRUTUS:
(Surprised, he jumps up, turns to face Justus)
Don’t sneak up on me like that Justus, you almost scared the poo out of me.

JUSTUS:
I am sorry, master, I wasn’t trying to sneak up, but you were making a great deal of noise there and didn’t hear me. You wish an apple?

BRUTUS:
Yes, you whoreson of a Greek, I wish an apple. Get me one, NOW!

JUSTUS:
Of course, master.
(Justus walks to the nearby stool, carries it over to the tree, climbs up on it and easily reaches an apple which he hands to Brutus.)
There you are, master.

BRUTUS:
(Glowers at Justus for reaching the apple so easily.)
I would have thought of that in a minute.
(He takes a small bite out of the apple. Juice rolls down from is mouth. He looks around for something, then reaches for the edge of his tunic, draws it up so his breechclout under the tunic is visible, and calmly wipes his mouth)

JUSTUS:
You asked me to come here to discuss something, sir?

BRUTUS:
Yes, but now I’ve forgotten what it was.

JUSTUS:
Shall I leave and return later when you remember what it was?

BRUTUS:
No, no. Let me eat this apple. I’ll remember soon.
(He takes another large bite and begins to chew, then tries to talk over his chewing. What he is trying to say is garbled bye the mouthful of apple in his mouth.)
I wnt to let fathr le mi go to the inn tonit but rly i wan to lust wi Livia. Shw espktng me.

JUSTUS:
I’m sorry, master, I can’t quite understand what you are saying. Perhaps if you swallowed the apple I could hear you better.

BRUTUS:
(Quickly chews the rest of the apple and swallows it, gagging and choking. He leans over and chokes even harder)

JUSTUS:
(Steps behind Brutus and gives him a couple of quick thumps on his back.)

BRUTUS:
(Appears to spit out the last of the apple and take a couple of deep breaths)
By the gods, I almost died on that apple!
(He throws the rest of the apple off stage)

JUSTUS:
Did you think of it, master?

BRUTUS:
Think of what?

JUSTUS:
Of what you wanted to talk to me about.

BRUTUS:
Oh, that. Yes.

JUSTUS:
(Waits patiently, but Brutus says nothing. Finally he says)
What do you want to discuss?

BRUTUS:
Oh, yes. Father will be here soon.

JUSTUS:
(Smiles)
Will he want an apple?

BRUTUS:
No, why do you ask?

JUSTUS:
I thought if he wanted an apple I might have a goblet of wine ready for him to drink instead.

BRUTUS:
Knowing father he probably will already have a goblet of wine in his hand when he gets here.

JUSTUS:
What do you want to discuss with me?

BRUTUS:
Oh, yes. I want father to give me permission to join my friends at the ‘Blue Gull’ inn tonight. We have planned for a night of throwing dice, discussing philosophy...and drinking.

JUSTUS:
Mostly drinking I suppose, eh?

BRUTUS:
Some drinking, not mostly.

JUSTUS:
Really. How much discussion of, uh, philosophy?

BRUTUS:
Well, really not that. Probably more talk about women and throwing dice, you know, gambling.

JUSTUS:
Probably more about women than dice, I’m betting.

BRUTUS:
Maybe half and half.

JUSTUS:
But a bigger half will be on women?

BRUTUS:
Probably, and drinking too.

JUSTUS:
So, you want to go to the Blue Gull to drink. That’s it, just drink?

BRUTUS:
I can’t put anything over on you, can I Justus? Honestly, I have plans to meet Livia at the third hour of the night in another room at the inn. We will spend the night together.
(He raises his eyebrows and looks excited)

JUSTUS:
(Folds his arms, leans back with a smug expression on his face.)
Spend the night together. Umm. Master Clodius doesn’t like that young lady. I don’t think he will approve you going to the Blue Gull to be with her.

BRUTUS:
No, I am going to tell him I’m going there to play dice, talk philosophy and have a goblet or two of wine with my friends.

JUSTUS:
He’s not going to believe that, young master. He knows where the minds of 18-year-old Roman youths are...women...and ‘lust’.

BRUTUS:
But that’s where I need you. You have to make him let me go. You are good at convincing father to do something you want him to do.

JUSTUS:
Nonsense. I only suggest things to him and he decides. Of course, I have been known to try to show him what is the best way to decide things from time to time.

BRUTUS:
Yes! That’s what I want you to do. Show him why he should let me go. Make something up.

JUSTUS:
Like what?

BRUTUS:
I don’t know! That’s what you have to figure out!

JUSTUS:
(Turns and rolls his eyes up in disgust at the immature youth. Sighs deeply)
I’ll see what I can do to help you.

BRUTUS:
Good. Here comes father now

CLODIUS:
(Enters from stage right. Dressed in white toga with large purple circles, sandals overly decorated with jewels and tiny bells that tinkle when he walks. Holding an extra large goblet in one hand and slightly weaving from the drink. From time to time he weaves back and forth and covers his mouth as he hiccups.)
Ahh, my son is up finally. Good morning!

JUSTUS:
(Bows slightly, but very slightly, toward Clodius and holds the bow until Clodius answers.)
Good morning, master.

CLODIUS:
(Looks startled and draws back slightly)
Ah, and Justus, my best slave Justus. You do good work, even though you do take liberties with your status and argue with me from time to time.

JUSTUS:
I’m sorry, master. I don’t think of it as ‘arguing with you’ but rather ‘showing you an alternative way.’

CLODIUS:
Ah, yes, of course.
(Turns to Brutus)
You asked to speak to me this morning before the breaking our fast?

BRUTUS:
Yes, father, I did. Uh, are you hungry?

CLODIUS:
Hungry? Not until I’ve finished my wine. But then a nice haunch of boiled goose would be nice.

BRUTUS:
I am not yet hungry. But when we are done talking I would like to have two thighs of cold chicken, perhaps some fried lions brains and eggs splashed with garum sauce and half a loaf of bread – along with wine to clean out my mouth afterwards.

JUSTUS:
(Rolls his eyes and says in stage whisper)
A wooden bowl of boiled wheat is good enough for the poor slave.

BRUTUS:
Father, several of my friends and I would like to meet this evening at the Blue Gull for dinner, talk on the finer points of philosophy and a bit of wine. May I go?

CLODIUS:
Philosophy? Which of your friends know enough about philosophy to spend more than a minute discussing it?

BRUTUS:
Kryspin, Ovinus, and Rectus

CLODIUS:
HA! Those worthless fools? All they know to do is how to get into trouble. Kryspin drinks far too much wine for a young man his age. Ovinus stutters and can barely put together a sentence that makes any sense at all and Rectus...well, he is a confirmed gambler, drinker and lusts after any woman that will raise her tunic for him!

BRUTUS:
But, father, Kryspin is funny, Ovinus doesn’t stutter THAT much, and Rectus is my best friend.

CLODIUS:
You need to find more worthwhile and suitable friends, young man. No, you can’t go drinking and chasing women with them tonight.

BRUTUS:
But, father, we had it all planned. We will get rooms at the inn so we won’t have to travel the streets of the city at night. I’ll be safe.

CLODIUS:
No, you can’t go. That’s final.

JUSTUS:
(Holds forefinger up in the air)
Master, may I be permitted to say a word or two?

CLODIUS:
Of course, but only a few words, don’t run off at the mouth with a long discourse that confuses me as you oft do.

JUSTUS:
Of course not, master. I’d like to point out young Brutus has been diligently doing all of his studies for the past ten-day. Most of the time he’s done that from the first hour until dinner. I think his brain is getting clogged with learning and he needs an evening with his friends to clear out his brain so he can continue to study for the next ten-day.

CLODIUS:
Clear out his brain? It’s already clear of any good knowledge. I don’t see how spending a night gambling, drinking and whoring at the Blue Gull will clear his brain of anything except what little knowledge it has managed to retain.

JUSTUS:
I might point out, master, that he plans to hold discourse on philosophy with his friends too.

CLODIUS:
Ha, precious little either he or his friends know of philosophy.

JUSTUS:
Perhaps but that’s why he needs to discuss it with his friends, they might be able to help each other understand the concepts.

BRUTUS:
Yes, father. I’m sure it would help.

JUSTUS:
(Looks at Brutus, shakes his head ‘no’, and puts his finger to his lips telling him to be quiet)
Brutus is quite correct, master. I’m sure they would help each other. But, instead of him going only with his friends, I have a suggestion that you might find satisfactory.

CLODIUS:
Ah, one of your ‘suggestions’. What might it be?

JUSTUS:
What if you instruct me to accompany young Brutus to the inn? I can eat there and watch over him. Help to keep the talk with his friends on philosophy, make sure his wine is well-watered so he doesn’t become intoxicated, keep him safe from the joy-women at the inn and, make sure he is in bed before the cock crows.

CLODIUS:
(Pauses, his brows wrinkling in thought)
That’s an excellent idea. I’m glad you suggested it. I so order you to accompany him to the inn tonight. But keep careful watch and do not let him stray. You may go with your friends, my son, but be home early on the morrow!

BRUTUS:
Thank you father, thank you. Come Justus, let us prepare for our trip to the city.
(Turns to his father)
Father, may I have two or three gold Aurii for expenses tonight?

CLODIUS:
(Sighs deeply, nods, reaches in his script and takes out several coins which he hands to Brutus, then takes a long swig from his goblet)

BRUTUS:
Oh, I almost forgot, and can I have two horses from the stable so we can ride into town?

CLODIUS:
(Looks to the heavens, closes his eyes and shakes his head in exasperation)
Yes, yes! Now GO! Before I change my mind. Remember, before the cock crows!

BRUTUS:
Of course, of course, father. We will. Come Justus, let us get ready to leave.

JUSTUS and BRUTUS:
(Exit stage left talking in whispers to themselves and gestulating with their hands)

CLODIUS:
(Shakes his head followed by another long swig from the goblet)
Children! They never seem to grow up. Philosophy? Hardly.
(Exits stage right)

End Act I

MISDIRECTED LOVE
ACT II

The stage holds two tables, each with three stools and a bench, At the rear is a longer table with bowels of cooked food with plates at one side. Several pitchers of wine and many clean goblets are arranged on the other end.. Hanging overhead is a picture of a blue seagull.
At one of the tables Kryspin and Ovinus are sitting on two stools, a pitcher and two goblets in front of them. They are dressed exactly as Brutus is, plain white tunics. Kryspin has traditional Roman sandals on, Ovinus is wearing what appear to be bright pink flip-flops that he lets dangle from his toes.

BRUTUS:
(Walks in from stage right, waves at the two)
Hail, my friends!

KRYSPIN & OVINUS:
(Both look up. Ovinus puts his drink down and speaks. Kryspin takes a long draught from his goblet while Ovinus is speaking)

OVIDUS:
(Stutters and waves back)
Haaaa...il, Bruuu...tus.

KRYSPIN:
(Puts the goblet down hard, stands up, knocking the goblet over, wine spilling on the table)
Arg, Baccus is not with us this evening!
(Looks for the serving girl and says loudy)
Woman! Where are you? Bring a rag. This goblet of yours seems to be leaking.

(The three men laugh. Ovinus taps Krispin on his shoulder with his knuckles.)

BRUTUS:
(Pulls out the third stool and sits, yelling toward the approaching serving girl.)
And bring me a new goblet and wine also!

PRISSY:
(Turns back to the side table, gets pitcher and two fresh goblets and approaches the table)

KRYSPIN:
(Has pushed his stool back from the wet table)
Hurry, woman! It’s leaking all over the table and down on my tunic.

PRISSY:
I see the goblet is leaking, sir. I have brought you a clean one that doesn’t leak I hope.
(She sets the pitcher down, wipes the wine off the table with the rag and sets the two goblets down, one in front of Kryspin and one in front of Brutus, then pours them fresh wine and leaves)

OVIDUS:
(Reaches over and pats her behind as she turns to leave)
Thaaaa...ank yo...yo...you

(Kryspin, Ovidus and Brutus laugh loudly as Prissy looks over her shoulder at them, a smile on her face.)

PRISSY:
My pleasure gentlemen. Drink up, there is more where that came from.

OVIDUS:
You...you...meeee...an, mo...re...of...yo...your ample rear?

PRISSY:
(Smiles without meaning it and walks off, rubbing her rear with the hand still holding the one goblet)

BRUTUS:
Where is our friend Rectus?

KRYSPIN:
Not here yet. He did tell me he had an errand to do before he could come, but he’d be here very soon.

BRUTUS:
No idea what the errand was?

KRYSPIN:
Not a hint. Although...

BRUTUS:
Although what?

KRYSPIN:
He might have gone to the baths first.

BRUTUS:
Or to bounce with a joy girl. He does that you know.

OVIDUS:
Sooooo do yo...you, fri...friend.

JUSTUS:
(Walks in from stage right. Pulls out the bench and sits. He is still dressed in his old, dirty brown slave tunic and is barefoot)
Good evening, gentlemen.

KRYSPIN AND OVINUS:
(Look at Justus strangely, then at each other, then look at Brutus with a puzzled look on their faces)

BRUTUS:
Justus is with me for the evening as my guest. He’s the reason father let me come. At first father said ‘no’, then Justus convinced him that by being ordered to come with me I’d be, uh ‘safe’ from perverts like you all.

KRYSPIN:
So we must sit, eat and drink with a slave present, one who acts like he is a free citizen?

BRUTUS:
(Nods yes)
If you want me to spend the evening with you, yes. You’ve been with Justus before, you know he is intelligent, can discuss many topics and remember, my father has ordered him to stay with me.

KRYSPIN:
I guess it is allowed then.
(He turns to face Justus)
Just don’t try to act like you know more than we do, slave.

JUSTUS:
(Waves to the serving girl)
Wine, Prissy.
(Looks back at Kryspin.
Of course not, Kryspin, I wouldn’t do that.

KRYSPIN:
You do it every time you I see you. Tell him to not act like he knows more than we do, Brutus!

BRUTUS:
Justus, don’t act like you know more than we do.
Is that better, Kryspin?

KRYSPIN:
(Grunts.)
Yeah, right.

PRISSY:
(Arrives at the table with a flagon of wine and three more goblets. She sets them forcefully on the table)
Here. I’m leaving this flagon for you all, and here are more goblets. They are for any other of your friends who may arrive. Call for me only when you need a new flagon.
That’ll be five denarii. Who’s paying?
(She holds out her hand, looking around at all of the men.)

BRUTUS:
I am, here.
(He takes six coins out of his script and puts them on the table.)
There you are Prissy, Four bronze denari and two copper asses.

PRISSY:
(Picks up the coins, bites one denari to check if it is real or a forgery, then backs away from Brutus and Ovidus, keeping her rear out of their reach.)

JUSTUS:
(Is sitting next to where Prissy is standing. He reaches out and pats her rear.)

ALL FOUR MEN:
(Laugh loudly, Kryspin taps Justus on his shoulder with his fist, signaling that Justus is now accepted as “one of the guys”)
RECTUS:
(Enters stage right, walks in and takes a seat on the bench next to Justus. He is also dressed like the other men, in a plain white tunic and wearing bright red closed sandals with leather laces up his leg. They could be interchanged with each other without notice.)
What is so funny? I see we are honored by the attendance of Justus with us for the evening.

BRUTUS:
Yes, Justus is with us, and he just patted Prissy on the rear.

RECTUS:
What’s so funny about that?

BRUTUS:
Well a minute ago Ovidus did the same thing.

RECTUS:
Yes, so? As I said, what’s so funny about that?”

BRUTUS:
Well, Ovidus stammers as we all know and, well, it was funny what Prissy said.
RECTUS:
Spare me repeating Ovidus’ stammer and I’ll grant you that it was funny.
(He pushes his goblet over to Justus)
You have the wine jug, Justus, pour me some.

JUSTUS:
(He stammers, imitating Ovidus)
Buuu, but, of, cor...course, Re...Rec..tus.

(All but Rectus laugh, as does Ovidus)

BRUTUS:
You are late, Rectus, where have you been?

RECTUS:
You really need to ask me that? Me. The biggest lover this city has ever seen?

OVIDUS:
(Quickly looks around the room)
Wher...where is...this biggg...biggest lover?

RECTUS:
Ovidus, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were serious...then I’d have to slice you into tiny pieces.

OVIDUS:
Oh, I am soooo scar...scarr...scarred!

RECTUS:
Best that you are.
However I will tell you where I have really been.
(Rectus lowers his voice and the rest lean closer to hear.)
I was at the library, reading.

KRYSPIN:
(Fake look of shock)
Reading? You can actually read? I thought all you did was look at pictures.

RECTUS:
Yes, my illiterate friend, I can read. I was reading a book of words AND Pictures.

KRYSPIN:
I knew it! You were looking at the pictures. What were the pictures? Gods and Goddesses?

RECTUS:
Some were, some weren’t, you idiot. But what interested me was what they were doing in all of the pictures.

ALL THE MEN
(All look at Rectus puzzled)

RECTUS:
(Looks around the room and whispers.)
The book was by Ovid, the poet in Rome, his newest book.

BRUTUS:
Ovid? You were reading poetry by Ovid, the man who writes only poems about women and sex?

RECTUS:
No, Brutus, you rustic barbarian. I was reading Ovid’s NEW book, not his poems. It’s how to seduce women, in prose, and there are drawings of hundreds of different ways to make love!

(There is silence as the men take this all in.)

KRYSPIN:
How many ways are there? I know of a dozen or so.

RECTUS:
I didn’t count, but it’s a thick book, a codex with a heavy leather cover instead of a decent, ordinary roll of papyrus. And it’s over 100 pages!

KRYSPIN:
A HUNDRED pages! By the gods...that many would wear a man out.
(He guffaws at his own joke)

RECTUS:
Some men, not all of us, Kryspin. I’d like to try a few of the ways tonight. Have the joy girls showed up for work yet?

BRUTUS:
I don’t think so, but there is time for that, Rectus. So, tell us of a few new ways.

RECTUS:
I will, but only after I’ve tried them out myself. Of course, if you went to the library yourselves some time and tried to improve your minds....

JUSTUS:
Funny you should say that, Rectus.

RECTUS:
What do you mean, Justus?

JUSTUS:
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

RECTUS:
Come on now, tell me what you mean.

JUSTUS:
Nothing, just forget I said anything.

RECTUS:
NO! I want to know what you meant by that.

JUSTUS:
By what?

RECTUS:
By what you said -- ‘funny that you should say that’.

JUSTUS:
Well, before today, when were you last at the library?

RECTUS:
A long time ago, weeks. Maybe even months....
(He blushes and quickly takes a sip of wine.)
(All of the men at the table laugh except Justus)

RECTUS:
Gentlemen, I think we need more wine.
(They all hand their goblet to Justus who refills them. He fills his last, then drinks the entire goblet in one swallow and then refills it, takes one more sip and then puts it down)

OVIDUS:
(Reaches into his script and brings out some small objects, then rolls them across the table. Loudly he says)
Any one in the room for a friendly game of knucklebones?

BRUTUS:
Idiot, there’s no one else here yet, just us.

OVIDUS:
Yo...you wanna play?

BRUTUS:
(Picks up all five bones)
Sure, I’ll play. I bet I can roll at least a six and two ones out of the five bones.

OVIDUS:
How, mu...how much of a bet?

BRUTUS:
(Shakes the bones as he talks)
Make it easy on yourself, you name the bet.

OVIDUS:
Say, two, no, thrrrr, thrrrr...four Asses?

BRUTUS:
Let’s see the color of your coin.

OVIDUS:
(Reaches into his script and pulls out a handful of coins and dumps them on the table in front of him. Pulls out four coins and pushes them out in front of him.)

BRUTUS:
(Throws his coins on the table, puts two of them in front of him.)
There, two Denarii. Good?

KRYSPIN:
(Puts money on the table)
I want some of that action. Here’s my four asses.

RECTUS:
(Pours money out of his script on the table and pushes four coins out)
Me also.

BRUTUS:
(He grins as he pushes more coins out to cover his friends’ bets)
Suckers are born everyday.

(Brutus puts the bones up to his ear and shakes them, and shakes, and shakes until he is stopped by Rectus saying....)

RECTUS:
(Agitatedly)
By the gods, Brutus, throw the whoreson bones. You keep doing that you’ll wear them down to tiny round balls.

BRUTUS:
(Leans over and looks at Rectus’ groin)
Like yours?

RECTUS:
(Rolls his eyes up and sighs)
THROW the besotted bones you son of a Greek!

BRUTUS:
(Brutus rolls the bones, they all pause and look at them)
Read ‘em and weep my friends, not one six, but TWO sixes AND three ones!
(He turns his hand fingers up and motions with his fingers.)
You all lose. Pay up!
(Brutus picks up his goblet and drains it in one gulp, hands it to Justus.)
More, please Justus. I notice you didn’t bet, my friend.

JUSTUS:
(Pours Brutus more wine)
I’m just a poor slave, hardly any asses to my name, master, how can I gamble?

BRUTUS:
(Looks at the coins his friends have pushed over to him.)
I think I have 24 asses there, Justus, 12 my friends just gave me and my matching 12.
(Brutus pushes the entire pile of coins to Justus)
Here, my gift to you, no need to pay me back, now you can gamble with us some.

JUSTUS:
(Smiles and begins stacking the coins into piles of asses and denarii)
You are very kind. I am lucky to have a master like you.

BRUTUS:
(Looks around the table at the others)
Let’s roll round the lake, one roll each, high point takes all. A silver sestertius the bet.

JUSTUS:
A Sesterius? But I only have enough coins for six sesterii. That’s a lot of money for a poor slave like myself.

BRUTUS:
You want to bet less?

KRYSPIN:
NO! He bets what we all do, no less.

JUSTUS:
If you insist.
(He lays down four copper Asses)

BRUTUS:
(Rolls the bones)
ARG, not a single six this time.

KRYSPIN:
(Picks up bones and rolls)
AH! a six, two fours and two ones!

OVIDUS:
(Shakes dice furiously and rolls)
ACK! I, I, I have looosss, lost.

JUSTUS:
Well, Kryspin, I see it is either you or I. You have sixteen points. That’s hard to beat.
Can I suggest a side bet, between you and I?

KRYSPIN:
(Suspiciously he looks sideways at Justus)
What bet do you propose?

JUSTUS:
(Shaking the bones)
I bet two sesterii that I will beat your sixteen.

KRYSPIN:
(Squints and figures the odds)
No bet, Justus. Roll the dice and weep. I’m going to win anyway.

JUSTUS:
(Shrugs his shoulders)
Fine, no bet then.
(He throws the bones)

KRYSPIN:
(Leans his head back and looks up at the ceiling)
Four ones and a two! Six points. You lose. I would have easily won!

JUSTUS:
(Shrugs and raises his eyebrows as he says...)
You would have won. Next time perhaps?

KRYSPIN:
(Glowers at Justus)
I am going to clean you out of your coin tonight, Justus. You have just outsmarted yourself!

JUSTUS:
Another round, same game, same stakes, young gentlemen?

(All push out more coins into one pile in the center of the table)
JUSTUS:
(Rolls the bones and sighs)
The bone gods are against me tonight, I should stop playing now...only ten points.

BRUTUS:
(Rolls and sighs)
Only nine points for me. You are lucky tonight, Justus

OVIDUS:
(Rolls the bones, one or more roll off the table onto the floor)
Rethrow!

BRUTUS:
(Shaking his head and reaches down to pick up the bones)
My friend, you always do that at least once a night. When will you ever learn how to throw the bones?

OVIDUS:
(Throws them by simply turning his hand over and letting them drop to the table)
Liiii, Like, that?
(Ovius is so excited, he loses his stutter)
Ohhhhh! Twelve points. I’m ahead!

KRYSPIN:
(Picks up the bones but pauses and looks at Justus)
Side bet, Justus?

JUSTUS:
What do you have in mind, Kryspin?

KRYSPIN:
Let’s see if I can win back that silver sesterius from you...and one more. You have only ten points. Two sesterii say I will beat you in this throw!

JUSTUS:
(Rubs his chin with his hand, looks at his small stock of coins.)
The odds are that you will beat my small ten points, Kryspin. What about you put up FOUR Sesterii against my two that you will beat my ten? That’s fair.

KRYSPIN:
Fool! Done!
(Kryspin pushes four silver coins out in front of him, Justus pushes two silvers out)
Now, Justus, you will lose.
(He throws the dice and looks at them disbelieving it)
By the Gods of all Rome, four ones and a four. Only EIGHT points!

JUSTUS:
I think Ovinus won the pot of four sesterii and I’ve won another four. Not too bad a round.

KRYSPIN:
Let’s do another round for high, but let’s raise the stakes up to the level of a man’s bet.

BRUTUS:
You afraid a slave will beat you?

KRYSPIN:
Not at all, I’m just tired of playing for small coins. Let’s make the bet four sesterii.

BRUTUS:
Fine, four then.

OVIDUS:
Too rich fo...for mmmm, my blood. I’m out.

JUSTUS:
Trying to freeze the poor slave out are you?

KRYSPIN:
The “poor slave”? Hardly, poor. You have a number of my sesterii and quite a few of my copper and brass coins. I just want a chance to get even with you.

JUSTUS:
Hmm. You feeling lucky?

KRYSPIN:
Lucky? What do you mean, ‘lucky’. I usually win at the end of a night of throwing bones.

JUSTUS:
So, you usually win then. Correct?

KRYSPIN:
OK, Yes, I feel lucky, I’m always lucky.

JUSTUS:
Then let’s get it over with quickly. I have about ten sesterii here and another sixteen or so copper Asses. You match that and we’ll do one roll, high man takes it all.

KRYSPIN:
Done!

JUSTUS:
No, wait I’m not done. If I lose then I am broke, if you lose then I should have twenty sesterii and about 30 Asses. In that case we go all the way, twenty sesterii of yours against twenty of mine.
That’s only one or two rolls, then we quit. You probably will beat me on the first flop and we’ll be done. I’ll be broke and you will have cleaned the poor slave out. But, if I win both flops then I walk away and let you gentlemen continue to play.
Bet?

KRYSPIN:
(He thinks a bit and then says)
A bet. You roll the first flop, if there’s a second then I roll first. Deal?

JUSTUS:
Deal.
(Justus pushes all of his coin out, picks up the bones, shakes them several times, blows on them once and then rolls.)
Fourteen.

KRYSPIN:
(Wipes his brow.)
Hard number to beat.
(Rolls the bones and looks at them in amazement.)
A tie, also fourteen. We re-roll.
(Hands the bones back to Justus)

JUSTUS:
(Shakes, blows and rolls)
Another fourteen! What are the odds of three fourteens in a roll?

KRYSPIN:
I have no idea but you are going to lose now.
(Rolls the bones)
Six, two, two, two and one....by the gods of Hades... I don’t believe this. Thirteen!
You win, slave, now we roll for twenty silver sesterii.
(He pushes out most of his remaining coins and rolls)
Ah, my luck has turned, I don’t think you can beat that, two sixes, two fours and one two. Twenty-two.
You asked if I felt lucky. Yes, I feel lucky.
(He pushes the bones to Justus)

BRUTUS:
(Reaches over and picks up the wine jug, pours himself another goblet of wine, slugs it back and refills the goblet. Holds the jug out to Ovidus who shakes his head ‘no’.)

JUSTUS:
(Picks the bones up and studies each one closely, then rolls it twice.)
These bones look a little worn, Ovidus, but they seem to be honest, not loaded. This should be the final roll, Kryspin and will settle who is the luckiest, correct?

KRYSPIN:
(Nods)
Yes it will. And I will have won all of your money.

JUSTUS:
Then it is time!
(He picks up all the bones, shakes them, blows on them and then throws them in front of Kryspin.)

KRYSPIN:
Impossible! You did something to the bones. The odds are against that roll. I demand that you roll again!

BRUTUS:
Now, Kryspin, you can’t do that. It was a fair roll. Although rolling four sixes and a one, for twenty-five is difficult, it can be done. Pick up the bones, you might roll five sixes for thirty.

KRYSPIN:
(Looking grim he slowly picks up the bones, shakes them and, with his eyes closed, rolls them. Everyone stands quietly, looking at the bones roll and stop. Kryspin opens one eye and looks)
There is black magic at work here. I have rolled five ones! The lowest possible score!
(Kryspin picks up his goblet and drains it. Refilling it he again drains it dry and sits down, his head on his arms on the table)

JUSTUS:
(Looking equally as shocked as Kryspin, Justus picks up his new found minor fortune, takes a bag on a thong off of his neck, opens it and places the coins in the bag. Picks up his goblet and moves to an empty table saying. The four men continue to play bones and gamble)
I’m a bit hungry. I’m going to go to another table and eat, you gentlemen continue playing. Thank you for the entertainment...and the coins.

(Justus sits at a second table and Prissy immediately brings him a plate of food, a new jug of wine and a goblet.)

PRISSY:
Well done, Justus. You certainly took that young fool Kryspin for a good deal of money. He deserves it – as does that mumble-mouth Ovidus who thinks just because he is the son of a noble and I am only a freeborn he can slap my rear like that.

JUSTUS:
Kryspin thinks too much of his self of course, but poor Ovidus can’t help it if he stutters. As far as his slap on your rear...
(Justus pauses and moves his head to the side, looking at her buttocks)
Besides, I like the look of your rear and I patted you the second time.

PRISSY:
True, that you did, but, Justus, I don’t think of you as a slave and you are welcome to pat my rear any time you wish. In fact, if you’d care to come up to my room later...

JUSTUS:
Ah, thank you for your gracious thoughts, Prissy. Tonight I have promised my master to guard the young Brutus from any dangers he might encounter tonight. Some other night mayhaps?

PRISSY:
Any night you’d care to, Justus, any night. Call me if you need anything else.

JUSTUS:
One other thing you could do for me Prissy.

PRISSY:
What might that be, my friend?

JUSTUS:
Keep Brutus’ goblet filled...with unwatered wine. I’ll pay for the extra charge.

PRISSY:
For you, I will, and, just for you, there is no extra charge.
(She smiles broadly, reaches down and pats his hand twice, then turns and walks away. Justus admires her rear as it sways away)

(The young men continue to roll the bones, laughing, making bets and drinking. Lights dim almost to dark, then rise halfway. All four men are asleep at the table, heads on their arms, one hand holding on to their goblets. Some goblets are standing, others are on their sides. You can hear them snoring.

JUSTUS:
(Gets up from his table at the side and walks over to Brutus’ side, reaches down and grabs his shoulder and shakes him.)
Are you awake?
(There is no answer, but the shaking makes Brutus lose his grip on his goblet which rolls off the table and clangs on the floor.)

(To the audience)
Well, I can see the young master is done gambling and drinking for the evening and, I suspect, he will be missing his meeting shortly with the young lady in the room across the hall from his room. I best take him upstairs and get him into bed for the night. After all, I DID tell my master that I would take care of him tonight.
(Justus bends over, puts Brutus’ arm around his neck and lifts him up. Brutus helps a little and they stumble off to stage left and you can hear them walk up the stairs)

(Lights dim to black)

End of ACT II

ACT III
A room at the inn with one bed and a wooden trunk. Lights are dim and the actors are barely visible.

JUSTUS:
(Comes from stage left still helping Brutus in. They reach the bed and Brutus sits on the bed.)

I best take the young master out of his clothes and get him under the covers.
(He undoes Brutus’ belt, pulls the tunic up over his head, leaving Brutus sitting there limply in his breechclout. Justus leans him back down on the bed, lifts his legs up on the bed and pulls up the blanket over him.
He tosses the tunic on top of the wooden trunk and starts to turn to leave, but stops, tips his head and says...)
I wonder... If I took off this filthy tunic I have to wear, and put the young master’s on...I wonder if...Hmmm. Worth a try.
(Quickly he pulls his tunic off, leaving him standing in his breechclout, then slips Brutus’ tunic over his head and wraps the belt around his waist. He smooths down the material)

I think that in the dark I could pass for Brutus. It would be interesting to see if I can do that.
(The lights dim to black as he begins exiting stage left)\

(The lights rise to half. The bed is occupied by someone who can’t be seen well. The dirty tunic is gone and in it’s place is a long, blue dress. Someone is in the bed. There is a double knock on wood from stage left.)

LIVIA:
Is that you, Brutus?

(A mumbled ‘yes’ comes from stage left)

Come in Brutus, I have been expecting you.
(Livia sets up in the bed, she is obviously naked, but the blanket is around her breasts)

JUSTUS:
I hurried as fast as I could darling girl. I couldn’t wait much longer to be with you. Are you ready for me?

LIVIA:
Uh, you sound a little different, my love. Something wrong?

JUSTUS:
I may have had a bit too much wine to drink, it makes me talk different.

LIVIA:
Then come to me, darling, let us make love for the rest of the night!

(Lights dim except for a single, weak backlight showing Justis taking off his tunic, undoing his breechclout and getting into the bed.)

At long last, my love, I have long waited to make love with you.

JUSTUS:
And I have lusted for that love my dear, I hope I won’t fail you tonight.

LIVIA:
Oh, darling, I’m sure you won’t!
(Back light slowly dims to dark)

END OF PLAY

(A minute passes and lights come up to normal. The entire cast is on stage. Justus steps forward)

JUSTUS:
Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you have enjoyed this typical Roman styled comedy. Many Roman plays of the late Republic featured slaves who outwitted their master as Justus did this evening. It was one of the few ways that citizens could safely state their oppositions to the customs of the republic, for not everyone felt that slavery was morally correct. Of course, slaves were people too and, like my character tonight, were not always very moral themselves.
Again, we hope you enjoyed our little story. Thank you.