Boring

I'm boring.

I'm envious of those with stories.  Experiences.  Experiences are learning opportunities, and I've had none.  Multiple assessments have told me I'm intelligent.  It is meaningless, this intelligence without learning. 

Nonsense, I've learned things.  I went to college.  I can take derivatives.  I can calculate volumetric flow rates when given a list of parameters.  I can Soh Cah Toa with the best of them, can I not?  Math, math is meaningless.  Math means nothing.  You cannot sell math, you cannot market math.  The populous does not want your math.

Well, I took other classes.  I'm an educator am I not?  I know something of psychology and how the mind develops.  Brain Stem, Limbic System, and Frontal Lobe.  I've learned the difference between Phonemic and Phonological Awareness.

Useless!  Apply that knowledge!

How?  I have no students, no bright young minds, eager to take in knowledge, to soak it up.  Not in this country, in this state, in this town.  No eager students here.  Just lazy, ornery little twerps.  A person who does not wish to learn does not deserve to.

So, I need an experience.  I need something I can write down and call my own.  I need to be living, again.  Again?  Was I ever truly living?  I don't know, how can you tell?  I bleed, that means my heart is pumping.  Is that life?  I have thoughts, boring thoughts, but thoughts all the same.  Living, right?  I can procreate, or I assume I can.  I have the necessary body parts.  Haven't used them though.  If they aren't being used, are they useless?  Ability to reproduce, another key factor in the definition of life.

I need experiences.  Instead of living, I stare at a computer screen, waiting for some desparate math student to beg me for help on their homework.  No, you carry the one, it has a purpose you know.  No, they don't know.  They should know.  How did these students graduate from high school without knowing?  It's called the Pythagorean Theorem, you fool.  PyTHAgorean, not PYTHaGORean.  Fool.

I am a tutor.  Does anyone on this earth have a more useless job?  Ah, but education, education means everything!

No, education means nothing.  These students who piss away their money and their professor's time, texting and chatting when they should be learning.  These students who then come to their tutor, an hour before their exam, desperate to learn the material.  This blatant lack of care, no, they do not deserve my knowledge.

There is no respect here, for mathematics.  For the great laws and rules that govern our universe.  No respect.

How can you love math, that's so boring.

Well yes, I am, I am boring.