Breaking-up

Lena couldn't believe it has been three years since Nick had walked out of her life. People say that time heals all wounds..for her that wasn't the case. The pain and heartache are still so fresh and raw, like it was only yesterday. After all, she was the one left with all the memories and possessions they had shared for many years, there was always a constant reminder of him, and the time they spent together, the love they shared.

Lena was left feeling alone, abandoned, scared and heart-broken, the pain of losing him had her in emotional chaos. Her emotions were all over the place, she was devastatingly overwhelmed by the strength of the pain she felt. Never had she felt so much pain.

It had taken months for her to just stop crying, she wasn't able to cope with anyone or anything. Her life was in complete turmoil and there was nothing she could do to stop it spiralling out of control. She started to sink into a dark depression, it seemed that no-one understood what she was going through, not even her closest friends. Although that was partly her own fault, because whenever she saw her friends she always smiled and laughed like she didn't have a care in the world, yet inside she was dying.

Until her sister noticed that Lena really wasn't doing so well, she saw through the fake smiles and laughter. Cassie supported and helped her through the darkest period of her life, and for that Lena will be forever grateful. Cassie was her rock, her saviour. Which was surprising because as children they had never really got on, yet when Lena needed her big sister she was there. Now Lena and Cassie are very close.

Most of the time Lena would wallow in self-pity, and hide away in her flat, the same flat she had shared with Nick, where all the memories were.

What hurt the most was that whenever she saw Nick after he had left, he was always so cold, unemotional and distant, almost as if he had never had feelings for her at all. But what she had failed to notice for such a long time was that Nick was hurting too! Lena had been so wrapped up in her own pain and anguish that she had forgotten that Nick had never been one to share his feelings, not even when they were together, so it was stupid of her expect some sort of emotion now. As the months passed she slowly got back on her feet and started to deal with losing Nick, she faced the pain head on, things got a little easier to cope with. Now she knew she wouldn't be getting over him so easily, because he was such a massive part of her life for so many years. It still hurt like hell and she still misses him, but at least now she can look back on the years they spent together and smile, because they had some pretty awesome times. Lena had never realized just how much she loved him until he left, and she never really appreciated what she had.

Lena has so many regrets, but most of all she regrets the way she behaved after Nick left, she hounded him for answers, accused him of everything and anything, she lashed out at him constantly and no matter what she said or done Nick still remained cold, unfeeling and distant, that just made her worse she constantly found ways to hurt him. When she thinks back to all the things she had said and done she feels so ashamed. The only way Nick could stop the way she was treating him was to change his phone number....when that happened she was heartbroken all over again.

Once again she felt alone, abandoned and scared and betrayed!

So now three years on, and Lena is getting there slowly, she still thinks about him a lot and she misses him still, but she knows he will never be apart of her life now.

Sometimes she finds herself wondering what he is doing....who he's with....is he happy , then she catchs her self in time and puts him to the back of her mind. She's now happier than she ever thought she could be without him.

When she closes her eyes and goes to sleep he's still there in her dreams , she sees his smiling face, she feels his touch, and she sees the love in his eyes. So yes she does still miss him....and sometimes she wonders if he misses her....guess she will never know

So many regrets.....what ifs and maybes....but it's all irrelevant now.