Words of Love Confession

Words of Love Confession

“Every day, I pray to God that Gian will finally find happiness… and return to us.”

         We were a family of three. Our parents died already because of old age. I was born late and my elder brothers, Gian and Leroy, already have works of their own. I knew that being entrusted to take care of your little sister was a burden already, but I made them feel all the time that I can help them with all of my might. Whatever and whenever it is. I don’t want my siblings to hate me one day. Because I love them very much. They are my only family in this world.

         Gian and Leroy are not related—at least by blood. They have different parents but Leroy’s mother and Gian’s father married after years of being lovers and eventually, we became a family.

         Since they have the same line of work, they are always seen together. Sometimes, whether at breakfast or dinner, they would talk about their adventures as a police to me—Stories of bravery and intelligence. I never get tired of listening to them.

         I could not ask for more.

         But I thought everything seemed normal until that one particular night. I woke up from sleep and couldn't go back to sleep anymore, so I decided to study. But my bag was on the couch in the living room.

         I slowly opened the door—I didn't want to create any noise. There was no need for light since I saw where my bag was already. But I was curious why the door of brother Leroy's room was open and Gian's door, too. I peeked in Gian's room—he was not there. Then I peeked at Leroy's room. As young as I was at that time, I didn't know anything. I just saw Gian in that dark room, looking at Leroy's sleeping face. I just watched him as he stood there. It confused me, though. Why did brother Gian enter Brother Leroy's room? He wanted to say something?

         I don't know how long that lasted until he walked towards the door. My heart began to race and I quickly went back to my room and silently closed my door. After a few seconds, I heard a door close, too—twice. I forgot to take my bag and study.

         I didn't know why back then that I felt like I spied on someone. I mean, they weren't doing anything privately.

         But I couldn’t sleep that night.

         Years passed and I am going to graduate in college. I am happy because I could finally help with our expenses, and also happy that I could treat them with my first salary soon.

         But as his sister, I didn’t know why or how but I noticed something about brother Gian all these years. The hidden love letter in his desk, his loneliness every time Leroy had a girlfriend, the feelings I had whenever I see them together.  There was something different.

         I remembered that day when I consulted him about my first crush. He seemed reliable than Brother Leroy, so I told him about Ched Vincent. He just smiled at me and said, "That's nice. Just continue to like that person. Even if you get hurt, at least you loved somebody than not loving someone at all. But... just don't fall in love with someone you shouldn't love at the beginning... because even at the slightest thought... you cannot be together."

         And the scenario at that time in the car just outside the house—that night while raining. We just saw Leroy with a girl inside the house and, brother Gian saw her kiss Leroy. So he walked away and got into the car; I followed him.

         And also at that very same night, I put the pieces together and puckered up my courage to speak.

         “Brother you…” I looked at him while my heart hurt. I didn’t know what to feel anymore. “…like Brother Leroy… right?”

         He was lonely, I was sure of it, although he tried to hide it.

         “Isabelle… I’m going to ask this of you… but… please…” He rested his forehead on the wheel slowly. “Don’t tell him…”

         My heart melted when he began to sob.

         “Don’t tell him…”

         My heart hurt even more that I couldn’t do anything to this good and caring brother of mine.

         “Don’t tell him that I—“

         “That I….”

         I wanted to touch the back of my big brother but my hand couldn’t just do it.

         “—love him… please…”

         His sobs grew louder just as the sound of the rain.

         And I cried, too. It was just like I felt his pain.

         “Please… don’t…”

         He repeated the same words again and again—like he was confessing his love for him.

         From the window, the rain seemed endless. Water continued to stray down from the sky, just like big brother’s tears. It wouldn’t stop. Or, rather, it couldn’t be stopped.

         We cried together in this car that autumn night.


         Months later, I graduated at my college school. There were lots of food in the house. All were happy; laughter there, laughter here.

         I just wish that brother Gian could have been there with us to celebrate. That he could be happy for me after all the trouble he went through to pay my tuition.

         You see… the night before my graduation, he came into my room and kissed my forehead. He congratulated me in advance but I just jokingly said that he should save it for tomorrow. He gave me his sweet smile and walked out of the room.

         I figured the next morning that he packed his things and disappeared. Brother Leroy was shocked and tried to call him but his connection had been cut off already. We also discovered he quit work the day before he left.

         It has been exactly 7 years, and there are still no news of him. Every day, I just pray to God over and over to guide brother in his life, and tell him that there is no day that I didn’t wish for his happiness.

         No matter where he is, I hope he could return here—with us. And stay.

The unbreakable trio.