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The truth behind the lie |
How are you? At the moment? Well, gee, let me think. You want me to say, “I’m fine,” and let that be the end of the conversation. That’s not what I want to say. If I said what I wanted to say, you would think I was ready for a shrink or a straightjacket. If I said what I wanted to say, you would be worried that all those feelings ping-ponging around in my soul would make me explode. If I said what I really wanted to say, you would never ask me how I was ever again. If I said what I wanted to say, I would tell you that I’m miserable because I feel like I’m all alone, even though I know I’m not. I would tell you that I’m lonely because I feel disconnected and abandoned by the world around me. I would say that I’m angry because other people can coast through life like they don’t care while I’m stuck here, worrying. I would say that I’m stressed because school is going to start soon and I’ve barely done any work. I would tell you that I’m happy when I remember things that have happened, but scared when I think of things that haven’t. If I said what I really wanted to say, I would tell you that I’m confused because I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions by you, by my friends, by all of the things I see and hear. But I don’t say what I really want to say. Because those feeling are mine and I don’t want to share them with anyone. Not even you. So I say, “I’m fine,” and let that be the end of the conversation. |