The Mom That's Been Missing

“If I ever see you anywhere near me, I swear to god Natalie I will call the cops!” Those are the last words I ever heard from my mom. I knew I shouldn’t have talked back to her. But after growing up with her rude mouth and hurtful comments, I was sick of it. When I talked back to her I figured she would just do one of her usual punishments. I always thought the cuts and scars from my mom were normal. 14 years of abuse I suffered and never knew that it was wrong. I don’t understand why it never clicked in my head when my friends would ask me where I got my bruises from. My mom always told me to tell them it was just from a hard day at volleyball practice.
I’ve been living with Trina for almost two months now. Both of my grandparents passed away last year and my dad hasn’t had the courage to show his face ever since he left and had some kid with a girl that’s closer to my age than his. As for my mom, who knows where she is. Frankly, I could care less. I try not to think about her too much though because for some reason there is a side of me that loves her, misses her. But whatever, I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me.
School has been out for about a week now. Trina and I have plans to go to the park with the usual crew. That would be me, Trina, my boyfriend Adam, Trina’s boyfriend Steve, and a few of their close guy friends. We left the house for the two block walk to the park and met up with them. Everyone sat around the table and started to chat, share stories, the normal routine. I was in a good mood until I saw all the happy little kids running around the park. I began to watch them when I noticed that they were all with their loving mothers, who loved the company of their children, loved watching them play, and gave them many hugs and kisses. It felt like something in my stomach had exploded, or like my heart had suddenly dropped. I was in my own world at the time thinking of what life would have been like of my mom was like that. If my mom always wanted to be with me and-
“Natalie?” Steve interrupted my thoughts.
“Huh?” I looked across the table to see them all starring at me.
“Nat what’s wrong?” Steve questioned.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re never this quiet”
“Oh um…I…I’m not feeling well.”
“Are you sure that’s it?”
“Yeah…I’m alright.”
“Okay well I –
Buzz. His phone began to ring and he answered it. “Okay Mom. Okay. Alright. Love you too.”
“Guys I have to go my mom’s taking us out to eat for my brother’s birthday.”
We all said bye and he left. Everyone continued to ask me what was wrong. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. Running out of the park, I began to cry. Adam told them all he would handle this, and took off after me. I saw him coming so I stopped. He caught up and put his arms around me. He didn’t talk. He knew it wasn’t the right time to say anything. He just stood there and held me in his arms. I love the fact that whenever I’m sad he knows just what to do to cheer me up. I told him everything. I told him about how I missed my mom and want her back.
“Natalie, why would you want that back? It’s horrible the way you were treated for so long why would you even consider going back to that?” He asked me.
“It’s just…I don’t know. You wouldn’t understand. I guess it’s not the life that I miss; I just wish my mom would realize that I need her. It’s so hard living without a mom to be there for you and talk to. I just want to talk to her again, see how she’s doing you know?”
“Well in my opinion I don’t think you should talk to her for a while, but whatever you choose to do I’m here for you, baby.”
“Thanks. Do you think you could walk me back to Trina’s?”
Walking through the chilly night, all these things rushed through my head. What would I do if I did call my mom? I want to hear how she’s doing and everything that’s happened since I left. No. I couldn’t. She wouldn’t want to talk to me. Not after me leaving her. But I missed her way too much to not at least hear her voice. I couldn’t think about it anymore. The pressure was literally driving me insane.
Adam and I arrived at Trina’s house. We stood there on her porch, gazing into each other’s eyes.
“Nat, you know you’re beautiful, right?” He said smiling in the cute way he does.
“Aw thanks” I replied.
“Please don’t do anything stupid. I love you way too much to see you get hurt again.” Adam said to me, in the most caring voice I’ve heard in a long time.
“The way I see it, there is no stupid choice right now. I need her Adam. I can’t keep living a life like this. Do you know how it feels to be around everyone talking about their mom’s and stuff? To hear them complaining that their mom took their phone away or grounded them for not cleaning their room? They don’t understand how it could be. They should feel lucky to have them in their lives.”
“I just really don’t want you to acknowledge her. You have so many people that love you right here. Why mess it up?”
“I know. Just let me sleep on it. Goodnight Adam.”
I knew he didn’t want to leave me. He stood there holding onto me, not letting go. Finally I kissed him goodbye and went in the house. Trina was already asleep, so I locked the doors and got in bed. It took a while to fall asleep, considering all the things going on right now. Eventually I fell asleep.
I woke up to Trina yelling, “Natalie, get up! We’re walking to Mike’s!”
Everyone in this small Ohio town knew what Mike’s was. It was a breakfast place with a buffet and the most amazing pancakes you could imagine. I pulled my hair up because it was a mess from such a rough night’s sleep. Walking out the door the crew was all there and we started walking to Mike’s. Sure, Adam and Steve had cars but we walked everywhere in this town because it was all just so close. We arrived and all sat down at our usual table, the huge circle one that had just enough chairs for the seven of us. Sitting there waiting for our waitress to come, I looked up and saw someone that looked just like my mom from the back. My heart skipped a beat. Then I realized she was waiting on the table next to us. My mom doesn’t work at Mike’s and surely isn’t as friendly as that lady was being to the people at that table. I calmed down.
A minute later the waitress came to get our drink orders. I wasn’t paying attention, as Trina and I were cracking up at the fat guy with a mullet that just completely missed his seat. Suddenly she stopped laughing and got a horrid expression on her face. I turned around to see what she was looking at. Sitting there, baffled, my mom and I starred at each other. I thought she was going to yell, scream at me, hit me, or make some kind of commotion for the whole restaurant to see. Instead she threw everything out of her hands and gave me the biggest hug in the world.
Adam jumped up and pulled us apart. “Don’t you touch her!” he screamed. “You’re not going to hurt her again!”
I pictured my mom pushing him aside, running at me and hitting me for what he just did. Instead I saw a change in her. Her eyes began to tear up. “Natalie you don’t know how much I missed you! I’ve been through so much trying to better myself and to get you back again! I need you honey. I went to rehab and therapists and everything I could possibly do. I even got a job here, getting money so you could move back in.”
I ran up and embraced her for the longest time. I could tell this was all true. She definitely was not making this up. “Mom, I love you.”
“I love you too sweetie.”
Those words actually came from her mouth. Cheryl Ruminz, my own mother, said those words to me for the first time of my life. I could tell Adam was furious with me. He did not believe my mom one bit. This was my decision though. After we ate we went back to Trina’s house. It was just me Trina Adam and Steve. I went inside and packed all of my stuff, and came back out. Adam ran up to me and kissed me. “Don’t do this.”
“I’ve already decided. I thought you said you were here for me no matter what I chose to do.”
I saw the worry in his eyes turn to sympathy. “Yes baby, I understand.”
With Adam driving, the four of us were on our way to my old house. When we got there, the house looked so nice from the outside. No more old rusty door or caving in roof. It was all fixed up and looking good. They all helped me carry my stuff inside and get everything put away again. It was pretty weird being in this house again. Everything in there just brought back memories from the past. Not good memories either. It felt good knowing that none of that would happen again though.
Trina, Steve, Adam, and I finally finished getting all of my stuff moved back in. It was getting late so they started to get their stuff together to leave. I hugged Trina and Steve goodbye and they went and sat in the car. Only Adam and I remained standing there all alone on my porch.
“It’s a beautiful night.” He said, looking up at the stars. “Just like you.”
“Aw, Adam. Thank you for helping me move back in. I really needed the help.”
“Hey, anything for you. But are you sure your making the right choice? I mean it’s not too late to change your mind.”
“Yes, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much. My mom is different now nothing bad will happen.”
Around the corner came my mom’s car. Pulling into the garage my mom beeped and waved at us. We waved back and I said, “Well, I should go spend time with my mom. I’ll text you, okay?”
“Sure thing, hang out tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
I gave him a kiss and watched him get in the car with Steve and Trina. They waved to me as they pulled away. I watched the car go down the road, and then they were gone. As I walked in the door my mom gave me a hug.
“How was work?” I asked her.
“Great!” she replied. “I rented us a movie, want to go watch it?”
We sat down and shared the time together watching this movie. It would take some time to be close with my mom, but it sure did feel good. I thought to myself, home sweet home.