A 2000 Man

         I grew up in San Jose, California and by the end of the 20th century, most of the city and the south Bay Area in general had completed a metamorphosis from an agrarian culture to become a technology hub as Silicon Valley.  The city, which was the first capitol of California had grown beyond its roots of agriculture and prolific railroad access only to begin a new chapter in global commerce.  Through this growth from rich blossoming orchards to expressways and warehouses, the area was able to maintain its beauty and its temperate climate appealed to many who were drawn to the area and its progressive landscape.

        As a twenty-nine year old, in 1999, I was an immature and emotionally undeveloped young man, yet to cross the threshold into true adulthood.  I was at the beginning of my first legitimate career opportunity but was crashing into the end of a short lived and disappointing marriage of one year.  The transition from 1999 to 2000 was causing a big stir, which the media exploited as to whether or not computer systems all around the world in banks and businesses could make the transition from too few digits in their date formulations thus causing what they were predicting would be a cataclysmic catastrophe.  With the looming fears, aptly dubbed Y2K, a collective panic was embedding itself into the American psyche.  I too was coming to a crossroads, and it wouldn’t be until we entered into the year 2000 that I would find refuge and the resolution to move forward into the rebirth of myself.

         The marriage I was in was a disgraceful one.  As I tried to get my life into gear with a career, I was being held back and beaten on by an alcoholic wife who was verbally abusive but also took exception to physically harm me on a few occasions, once splitting my lip with a swift unprecedented punch to the face during a drunken episode.  To make matters worse, she was working as a bartender and would stay late after work to drink with her “co-workers”.  I worried about her drinking and driving and would encourage her to stay with friends if she wasn’t sober enough to drive and while I was disappointed in her excessive drinking, I didn’t want her to get hurt or in trouble with the law so I took the high road.  One night she backed into another car in a parking lot and smashed the tail lights out on our Honda, which I was able to repair, but then it happened again.  The second incident was more concerning as she side swiped a city transit bus on her way home from work.  As the bus was pulled into a bus stop, she hit the driver side of the vehicle but kept going resulting in blurry and chaotic color streaking paint damage and dents that looked like crumpled paper on the side of our still financed car.  Fortunately for her, that night she made it home without recourse with the law or personal damage but the implications of the event would resonate deeply within me and this tireless exchange would all come full circle to complete a worn out cycle. 

         With my new career opportunity I saw some hope for transition into an adult life.  I got married because I wanted to have a family but with the current conditions I wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted to be.  Through a spiritual portal or an opening I was seeking, I began to realize right away that my new job would give me passage, I just didn’t know where I would end up but after the first two months of the job I had left my wife.  It turned out that of the “co-workers” she had been spending time with after work, one of them was her boss whom she had become emotionally and most likely, physically involved with on a regular basis.  As she was reeling backwards, I was trudging forward, determined to find tranquility. 

         The remainder of 1999 proved to be a bumpy road at best but I moved forward with the understanding that if I hadn’t gotten lost I wouldn’t have found my way.  As the new year approached, I was sweeping up the final pieces of the crumbled past and looking forward to regaining myself and my future.  I had rented a studio not far from where I had lived when married, above an old farm house in the foothills that overlooked Silicon Valley.  The view looked west over the entire south bay and on clear days I could see all the way north to the glinting tops of the sky-scrapers in San Francisco, which from the distance looked like high flying tinfoil kites.  Just below the house was what remained of an old egg ranch that still had some chickens but now operated more as a produce market and the occasional breeze brought the odors of ongoings below wafting up into my new quarters.  The smell of chickens is one that is pungent and unmistakable but the odor has many layers.  It is sweet and smells of damp straw but also has an overpowering tangy smell like that of fermented grain at times.  My mother used to buy eggs from the ranch when I was a child but like everything else now in the south bay, this market was quickly becoming a thing of the past.  Some of the world’s finest soil and temperate climate was now home to the budding semi-conductor and computer industry.  The landscape was entirely different from when I was a boy and now as the area transitioned before me I couldn’t have been in a more symbolic place to ponder.  The future would certainly look different than I had imagined but change was eminent. 

         On New Year’s Eve I worked at my night job as a bartender, just as I had earlier in the year on the night I turned thirty.  I was becoming more involved in my new career but was still struggling financially and emotionally so I worked at the restaurant on Friday and Saturday nights, which was rewarding but also served as a self inflicted penance for my missteps in the prior years.  I was nowhere near being ready to actively date and working on the weekends seemed like the perfect remedy.  The looming events of Y2K seemed to be on everyone’s minds that night but it really didn’t seem to bother me too much.  I guess I did have some concern as to whether or not my ATM card was going to work the next day but that thought faded with the underwhelming feeling that nothing really mattered much other than getting through the days.  Internally, I was still feeling as if I were ankle-deep in a silty river of drying mud, and the social implications of divorce, whether real or imagined were bogging me down.   

      The new year came and went without the implosion of the so called computer fiasco proposed prior to the change of the date.  I’m not sure if I was encouraged or disappointed by the lack of events but nonetheless, the new year and new millennium had arrived.  The days after seemed normal to me other than the usual post holiday descent, which always has the disappointing effect of time that has gotten away.  I was back to my routine of working all week as well as the weekends and was beginning to feel restless. Around the same time I was beginning to realize that I would never be able to purchase a home in the town I grew up in unless I made some very large career steps, which didn’t seem to be apparent, but then it happened.  Opportunity came knocking and I was but all too eager to take the next step.
         
      My boss called to ask me if I were interested in a move to Seattle to fill a new position within the company.  I had to restrain myself to hide the excitement as he explained that it would have to be fairly soon but included a significant pay raise.  I felt as though my time had come.  Change had been salient in the past months but as I continued to stall in my efforts, this was a chance to make a difference. 

      Without hesitation I took the new position and within three weeks had reduced myself to all my basic possessions and was headed north in a rented truck and a wide open future.  There are few things in life as liberating as reducing your overhead of junk that you no longer need.  We all carry items throughout life that have emotional significance or sentimental value but shedding those items is a great relief.  Letting go of the baggage is a great way to lighten your load.  When I left my wife, I left behind a great deal of material items that many people deemed inappropriate and ludicrous but I went with myself and forgave the items that were revered important.  This was my first cleansing and the second came when I left town. 

      Headed north with what remained of all my worldly possessions, I realized that life is simple and that if you choose a life of happiness, you will find it.  I had never had such clarity and singleness of purpose.  I felt enlightened and I felt hope.  It's not that I lived a terrible life before, but I had gone about things the wrong way, and for the first time since childhood, I saw life with such simplicity.  The year 2000 would prove to be my year of change after all and I was sorry that I had ever doubted it.  Furthermore, Seattle would be my trans-formative city and provide me a new perspective and fresh start that I needed to rekindle my self esteem, and reinvent myself.  In a new city you have to seek out places to frequent, new restaurants, parks, outdoor activities, and most importantly, new friends.  It is an exciting endeavor and in a sense, similar to childhood in the discoveries and exciting newness of all the things you come across.  Becoming ingrained in the culture of a new city is great too and you have to decide who you are to help find your way around and to surround yourself with the things and people that define you.  In this quest, I found myself.

      The year 2000 to date has proven to be the most pivotal point in my life at which time I awoke to discover the fortunate life that I now lead.  Like a phoenix rising, I was lofted to a higher calling to experience life at a more complete capacity.  I have been happily married now for over five years and we have two beautiful daughters ages four and two.  We own a nice home in Littleton, Colorado and I have had a very successful career working for the same company that gave me the first opportunity back in 1999.  Just like San Jose, my landscape has changed drastically over the past decade but within my core, I am the same person and I feel more grounded than ever.  The new millennium has been good to me.

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