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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #1709850
The SHERPA 2500 GPS will let you explore panoramic nature like you never have before.
The Panoramic View



I bought the Sherpa 2500 during a layover in Minneapolis at a small Cabelas shop in the terminal. I thought it would be interesting to kill some time and to see what the woodsy folk were buying. The display for the unit is what caught my eye.

“The SHERPA 2500. Don’t leave camp without it.” The Indiana Jones-esque character in the ad helped.

Hokey, to say the least. But then upon closer examination of the unit’s description, my eyebrows climbed the foothills of my forehead and I quickly decamped with one in my bag.

“The Sherpa 2500 GPS Tracking Unit is a pathfinding marvel. Loaded with detailed trail guides for 2500 of the most revered hiking trails in North America. Many of the most breathtaking scenic panoramas are now easily within reach. The nearly step-by-step trail guides reveal the most ideal paths, the best camping sites and even tidbits of trail history and trivia. The great outdoors is a vast and daunting place. Let the Sherpa 2500 be your guide through the wilderness.”

In two years of living in Colorado, I had not been hiking once. I skied on occasion, but would never think to be confused with the outdoorsy type. I lived in a condo with fake palms out front for Chrissake. However, I do appreciate a good panoramic view when I see one, preferably well-presented in a nice matted frame. But here, with the Sherpa 2500, I could have the opportunity to see them firsthand, live in person, in hi-def.

Upon my return home, I made a quick search of the database of trails to find one within easy driving distance. The unit was able to plot the best route from my front door directly to the base of the trail. Amazing. But before I could begin my trek I would need proper gear.

A short search lead me to a full-sized Cabelas store and soon I was decked out in the latest in hiker gear: Thinsulate® hiking khakis by North Face®, topped with a camouflage top by Bodyglove® and hiking boots by Nike®. I topped this off with a Cabelas LiveOak® pre-beaten-up old ball cap and I was set. I thought it best to stay close to home for the first couple of treks rather than load up on all the primo camping gear all at once. I would save the tent and mummybag for another time.

Once on the road, the Sherpa lead me directly to the head of the trail and a clear parking space. It was as if a parking pass came with the purchase of the unit. I was right there directly in front of the sign identifying the trailhead.

“Perfect,” I grinned.

In my pack I had an organic peanut butter and clover honey sandwich, a six pack of bottled water, an assortment of lotions and ointments for various noxious plants and, of course, the instruction manual for the Sherpa. Along with the GPS unit hanging from its accessory strap, which came standard with a lighter, a flashlight and a first aid kit, I also had along my digital camera with 20 megapixel resolution and new panoramic lens, purchased specifically for this trip. And then to top it all off, I had my iPod loaded with Pure Nature® sounds; the whole “Serenade of the Pines” collection. There is nothing like the sound of nature set to music to put you in the moment.

Before taking more than a single step away from my car door, I made sure the GPS was on and tracking. I zoomed in the resolution and was rewarded with an overhead view of the trail. I swear that one more notch of resolution and I would be looking down on myself. I almost expected to see a camera hovering over my head.

“Freakin cool,” I burst. “Alright, let’s see this trail.”

According to the Sherpa, the trail was nearly two miles long; 10,306.5 feet to be more exact. It looked like an awful long way in those terms. But I saw that there was a ‘Distance Remaining’ readout below it. That would be cool to watch.

The sign for the trailhead listed an elevation of 5011 feet. Pshaw, the Sherpa said it was 10,306, so there.

I took off up the trail. The Sherpa 2500, displayed my every move, nearly to the point of showing me where to put my feet. The turns in the trail were exactly as displayed on the Hi-Res screen. Occasionally, notes or trail information would pop up. They must be triggered by my exact location. Sweet. I stopped when the next popup appeared and sided stepped off the trail. Two hops to the right and the popup disappeared. Two back and it reappeared. Sweet.

-On the left you will see one of the oldest trees in Colorado.-

I frowned at the screen. So? Who cares? I looked left anyway and saw a broad twisted monster of foliage. It was the tallest tree around, but I didn’t see anything special about it. I reached for my camera, but changed my mind. It’s just tree, for Chrissake.

I and the Sherpa continued up the trail. I ignored the popups for the most part. The ‘Distance Remaining’ meter showed a steady countdown. 8000 feet. 7000feet. At 6000 feet, I toyed with the resolution. I stopped and moved slowly forward, watching the reading. How accurate was it? Was it really measuring each foot or was it just interpolating and using error matching? Being a tech savvy guy I was interested in that sort of detail. If they were going to display in foot resolution, they ought to be precise to the foot, otherwise it was just a bogus display. But as I moved forward about eighteen inches, the display rolled to 5999. I pursed my lips and nodded my appreciation. Accurate to within six inches from satellites in orbit? That was more than I had expected. Even more reason to be stoked about my new gadget.

“Damn, this thing is kickass!” I grinned. Wait till the guys see this.

The trail snaked through thick trees and over bare open areas. The mountains in the distance will be marvelous against the perfect blue sky. Or so the weather feature of the Sherpa informed me.

-81.4° and Sunny-

5000 feet. 4000feet. Wow two miles is a long way. But then the return trip will be downhill. That should make up for it.

2000 feet. Whew, almost there.

-On the right you will see a large tree and possibly a bear.-

I looked expecting to see a bear and was disappointed when there wasn’t one.

“I don’t see no damn bear,” I muttered. “Oh, whatever,” I spluttered and puffed on.

1000 feet. I should almost be able to see the vista from here. But all I could see were more trees and rocks. All the trees looked the same. What was the interest people found in this wilderness anyway? Now, a park bench would be interesting.

I approached within a hundred feet of the panorama point on the GPS before the trail finally broke out of the trees and onto a broad sward of grass and pine needles. The Sherpa lead me directly to the spot. A split rail barrier cordoned off the brink of a good drop. When I stepped to the rail a pop up announced my arrival. I looked up to see the vista that I had trekked all this way to see.

It was marvelous. And matched the picture displayed on the Sherpa perfectly.

“Amazing! The photographer must have been standing right here,” I said out loud, which reminded me of my own camera.

I pulled it out and snapped a couple quick photos. These I then compared to the display on the GPS. I made some small adjustments and snapped another picture. Perfect. It was almost an exact copy of the Sherpa. Now I had a souvenir to prove that I was actually here, on the spot of that panoramic vista. Amazing.

I looked out at the beautifully vast expanse of nature and smiled. I would never have made it to this point without my Sherpa.

“Nice,” I nodded in satisfaction and turned back to the trail. I reversed the directions of my trailblazing Sherpa GPS and headed back down. I had 2499 more trails to hit. I decided to get one of those new electronic picture frames to display all the neat pictures I would get from the breathtaking panoramas the Sherpa was going to lead me to.

“How big do they make those?” I wondered. “Maybe I could have them displayed on my HD Plasma TV. Now that would be kickass,” I muttered and followed my footsteps on the digital display of the GPS.

The trail lead back past the big tree where the bear was supposed to be, but I ignored the popup this time. Soon I was back in my car and snacking on my organic peanut butter and honey sandwich. What a great trip. It was good to get out into nature; I felt invigorated and alive. I couldn’t wait to hit the next trail on the list. But first I would definitely have to get something different for my iPod; the “Serenade of Pines” just didn’t sound ‘natural’ enough. There was something missing in the mix. Maybe bird sounds or something. Yeah, I would download something tonight. I had plans to make and panoramic vistas to explore.

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