looking for alice

         Long long ago, there in a far off distance place where eyes are closed and only soft breaths are heard. A dying women dreamed of the most beautiful dream. Where flowers could sing and animals could talk and endless adventures where taken. But before the women could take part in the dream in which she had created, her last breath was taken and she faded away.
         The dream not wanting to fade away not wanting to be forgotten attached itself to the human world. Off in a corner where many worlds seemed to collide the dream held tightly and called out to a human who could create and make it flow more. There it stayed waiting for its perfect Alice.


                                                 . . .

         She was flipped again. Staring at the ceiling heavy breaths making her chest rise and fall in great heaves Rem looked over to her brothers as they watched her from the side of the mat. She was the one who decided to join them wanting to prove that she was not a weak female. Even though she was able to hold her ground for such a long time judo was not one of her strong points, still she did not want to give up. When their parents died she promised them she would not be a great burden on  them. So through the years she took more boyish sports leaving behind her feminine side.
         “Rem are you giving up already little sister? Hahaha I knew this was a sport you couldn’t take.” Rem looked up to find her oldest brother Jordan offering his hand to help her up. Putting a grumpy look on her face she accepted her brothers hand.
         “I can do anything you can do bro, don’t make the mistake in thinking something like this could take me down. Just watch in a month or two I’ll be the number one judo fighter you even known!” jokingly she jabbed her brother in his arm and did a small kick to his ankles. He laughed patting her on her head, he then went over to their younger brother and began discussing something with him. She had been dismissed, going to the corner of the room grabbing her water bottle Rem closed her eyes. I want to be stronger she thought, I want to be in a place where I’m accepted for my strengths, I want them to look past the fact that I’m small and curvy. Please look inside and see the strength in me!
         “Rem you coming? We’re going home unless you want to stay here with all these manly men waiting to eat you up.” surprised thinking she might have said her thoughts out loud rem nodded and pointed to the showers indicating she needed to cleanse herself before leaving.  She elbowed him as she passed, expressing her annoyance at his childish comment. In the shower room, Rem found her locker, peeled off her sweaty clothes and hastily threw them in.  She cast quick glances behind her as she fished for a towel. As she was pulling it out, two girls in conversation passed and one inadvertently looked her way; she flushed, wrapped herself in her towel and practically sprinted toward the showers. 
         Unfortunately, as soon as Rem’s feet met the wet tile, she slid the rest of the way on her rump.  Hands shaking she reached for the nearest counter pulling herself up eyes closed in embarrassment she could hear the pitter of feet behind her. Great did someone see? Could her ego be cut down anymore? Slightly opening her eyes she peeked through her hair into the reflection of the mirror, wanting to know if she was being stared at, wanting to be able to walk over to the showers and leave with some of her dignity intact.
         Expecting to see the taunting face of a fellow female instead in the mirrors reflection was that of a small child. What the hell she thought where was the child’s mother?  The kid seemed to smile at her through the mirror as if knowing that she was taking a peek at him. She opened her eyes fully took in the child’s small frame, the way their flaming red hair sat on their ivory colored skin. Were they wearing a nightgown? With something like that she couldn’t even tell if the child was a boy or a girl.
         The child’s hand lifted and pointed at Rem through the reflection then opening its palm to her as if beckoning for her to come to it. Spinning around about to ask where their parent was Rem was amazed to find that the child was not there.
         She listened hard for the patter of small feet but there was none yet it seemed as though she could hear a small giggle ringing through the room. A small chill ran down her exposed back ignoring it Rem hurried to the showers careful not to slip again and finally went about cleaning herself. What seemed liked hours later Rem was finally home in the comfort of her bed. Nestling into her pillow she listened to the voices of her brothers joking around in the next room. Usually she would get up to yell at them to shut up but she just didn’t have the energy today. When they were younger they were equal. Did everything together, depended on each other. Now they expected her to lean on them what was she around for then? Beating her pillow she began screaming into it. Need me! Need me! Need me! Breathing heavily into it she began to cry. What is she doing? She was already 16 years old she wasn’t a child anymore, so why was she acting like one?
         “we need you” Rems head went up quickly as she turned to yell at the brother who had came in with out knocking, but no one was there. Those words of course where just a thing of her imagination. She closed her eyes and wiped at the tears on her face. Soft laughter sounded in her ears, her eyes popped open a sudden fear ran through her. The kind you get when you’re a child and the lights suddenly go out. When you try to tell yourself nothing is there but you hear the movement of something big. She felt like that but she didn’t want to get off her bed, felt she wouldn’t make it if she ran to the door. Again the giggles vibrated through her room. slowly sitting up she softly called for jimmy her younger brother, usually with the tiniest sound he would come running into her room. But this time he didn’t seem to hear, the laughing became louder risking the chance rem stumbled out of her bed and ran towards the door. But not paying attention to what was on the floor she tripped over something and ran into the dresser, Feeling as though she had just been kicked in the stomach she noticed that the creepy giggles finally stopped. Looking at the big mirror she was relieved to see her own reflection. Moving her dark auburn hair she peered at her face. Noticing the freckles that will never go away and the vivid emerald green eyes that right now were large with fear. Was this the kind of face she wanted to run out and show her brothers? Laughing she thought about how ridicules she was being, there was nothing there she just needed to go back to bed and get sleep. That was what she really needed after such a hard day. Doing one more peek to just check her hair she stifled a scream as she saw the child who was in the locker room behind her.
          Turning around suddenly ready to confront them, gasping to find that she was alone. What was going on, why was she seeing this child here? Could she be losing her mind? A small giggle came from behind her, a shiver ran down her back and the hair on her neck stood. Turning around slowly she looked into the mirror again and sure enough the child was there. His fiery red hair blazed against his pale delicate skin and his small body was still coved with what looked like a nightgown that was a size too big. She couldn’t see his eyes through his hair but she felt them staring at her. Rem stared at the child in horror as he began to move. He walked over to the bed and stood on it making himself to about her height, covering his mouth he giggled. Even though the bed was far behind her, even though Rem knew he was wasn’t really there. She heard the laughter clearly , could feel the vibration against her skin.
         “who are you what do you want from me” Rems voice seemed so small even to her own ears. The child looked at her she was sure of that and a creepy yet innocent smile settled on his small lips. He began to bounce on her bed smiling his creepy smile. Acting as though he was just a regular kid who couldn’t resist a bouncy bed. Still jumping he stared at look at her she could feel the intensity of his gaze. Just like in the locker room he pointed at her then turned his palm up as if waiting for her hand to grab it. Rem took another look behind her towards the bed but of course he wasn’t there. Turning back to the mirror she stared as he bounced with his hand reached out towards her. What was she suppose to do?
         “what is it you want? Why are you here?” her voice was stronger this time a little louder
         “we… need… you”  the childs’ voice seemed to echo around her. The words she thought she would never get to hear in her lifetime now seemed to wrap around her.
         “who is this ‘we’? and why do you need me?” the child stopped bouncing on her bed letting himself fall, landing on his rear safely and jumping off after a last bounce. He stood there looking, staring at her he took a couple of steps towards her his small mouth pouting, Goodness Rem thought is he going to cry?
         “please….we…need…you…please”  a tear ran down an ivory cheek and his small arm once again reached out to her offering his hand. Mesmerized by the desperate need in his voice and the was his lower lip shook, Rem could not look away from him wondering what his eyes looked like. Can she really help him? is she truly needed? 
         “Hey Rem you busy? Umm I tried cooking something but…..yeah can you. What are you doing?” Surprised rem turned to find jimmy at the door. She looked around but of course no one was there besides her and she was only one in the mirror. Strangely her hand was slightly reached out to the mirror, Blushing she lowered it and scowled at him.
         “yeah sure I’ll be right down leave the room”
         “ wow your not fighting me? You okay sis?”
         “ yeah just leave me alone, I said I’d be right down” the door closed and with him gone rem finally gave in and collapsed to the floor. Tremors took over her body and fear filled her heart. What was going on? What was she about to do? The sound of Jordon yelling for her made her realize she couldn’t just sit there and dwell over something that must have been apart of her imagination. There was no boy in the mirror but even if she knew that she still did not look at it as she rushed out the room.

                                                 *  *  *
         The day started out hot, the sun blazed over head and everything seemed to crawl. Rem sat in the back yard under the mango tree. She looked up, there were a few that they missed when they had picked some time ago. The ones at the tippy top and the couple she knew that at the time where not ripe enough. Now they looked really good. She thought about climbing the tree by herself, she wondered how far she’d be able to go. When she was younger she used to make it all the way to the top. That had been her favorite hiding place, waiting for everyone to find her. Trying to hold her giggles at the frenzy that happened before her. Of course when she was caught she got the only earful from her parents. Even though it annoyed her back then she couldn’t believe how much she missed it now.
         If only to be a child again, to be surrounded by the love and protection of her family. Sighing she got up and began to walk towards the house. Feeling a little dizzy she wobbled a bit. She had sat too long outside in the sun, neither Jordon or jimmy were home today, both were working. Rem had wanted to get a job also but they didn’t want to take the chance of her getting out late. She wasn’t the youngest but they treated her like a child. Finally in the house Rem went towards the kitchen and grabbed herself a cup of water. This would help to cool her down a bit. Walking over to the refrigerator she checked the calendar posted there to see when the guys would be back. The 23 was circled it was their parents death day. Looks like they were going to go visit the grave site.
         It was only two days away, she didn’t feel like going. didn’t want to be reminded. Even now she still has nightmares of red grass and blood filled screams, The smell of death as it lingered so closely.          Of lone hands grabbing tightly at her wrists. She still woke up to tears and her own screams echoing around her. Sitting at the counter she sighed feeling as though it would be ages before the guys would be there. Glancing at the glass door she watched the outside world. Smiled when a mango fell from the tree. Thinking that if she rushed over now she could probably have a snack on her hands.
         Another one fell quickly after it and in another couple of seconds more fell raining down on the ground a small pile soon formed. Getting up quickly she ran over to the tree could someone be up there? She didn’t go too near the tree in fear of being hit but the small rain stopped quickly. Looking up blocking the sun from her eyes she saw a small figure slowly climbing up.
         “Hey! You there! Get down from there right now!” the figured stopped and once again the hairs on her body stood on end. The figure climbed back down  unnaturally, seeming to glide down backwards and their back was arched like a hissing cat when frightened. The closer the figure got the more rem could tell that it was a kid and when she finally saw the bare feet and the scrawny legs, when the flash of a long white shirt like clothing appeared before her Rem knew with absolute fear in her heart that the figure was The child.
         Stopping at the lowest branch the child stilled and sat down and peered down at her through his hair. Swinging his legs he brought a mango to his mouth and bit down. Rem took a step backward but stepped on the couple of mangos on the ground and fell backward. Sitting down staring up at him she couldn’t look away as he feasted on the fruit. Smiling down at her juice dripping down his chin he offered some of his mango. Rem shook her head slightly remembering the biblical tale of Adam and Eve, the snake in the garden offering forbidden fruit, She wouldn’t take it. The boy frowned at her but still continued to eat when he finished he dropped the core and then stood up. Perfectly balanced he once again offered his hand to her.
         “come…please…almost…to…late…we…need”  the breeze seemed to carry his words but they still seemed to echo around her. There was such need there.          She felt like she was truly needed form where ever he came from.
         “ what will happen if I go with you? Where would we be going?”  the boy only tilted his head as if confused by the questions. He crouched down balancing on the balls of his feet, no longer reaching out to her. Rem could fell his intense gaze on her luring her in with his unseen eyes. Looking past him she noticed the sun was setting making the beautiful tree turn colors of red and gold. It looked a blazed around him. His firey hair glowed and the wind blew at his nightgown. The boy stood up once again offering his hand to Rem.
         “if… you…don’t…we…will…fade…away…” his small body began to shiver even though it looked like it was on fire. Fade away? Does that mean with out her they would die? Rem sat on her knees looked away from the boys out stretched hands. His fire like shadow reached towards her looking desperate and twisted. Rems mind flashed back to a bloody world of hands grasping at her. If things were different if she had been stronger, her parents would still be alive. Wet streams fell down her cheeks, She had a chance to redeem herself. She was stronger now and this mysterious child needed her. She will defiantly help him, looking up ready to say so she was surprised to see that he wasn’t there anymore. The sun had totally set and she was alone. A cold breeze blew and she felt like small hands caressed her. Shivering she stood up careful not to trip over the other mangos on the ground she walked back towards the house. Once inside she heard the bustling of the guys in the upper floor. They were absently calling for her but not really looking for her.
         Sighing she went towards her room ignoring them, was about to flop down on her bed when she noticed something on the dresser. There placed right in front of the mirror was a half eaten mango with small teeth mark on them. Rem remembered the boy dropping his finished fruit but she also recalled not hearing the typical thump of something hitting the ground. Maybe he didn’t really finish it but somehow it had gotten into her room. Rem took the half eaten fruit and threw it in the garbage then went straight to bed. As she fell asleep a small thought formed in her mind. The child seemed not to not have liked to answer no.
         The days passed quickly and it already time to go visit their parents grave site. Rem stood at her window sill, she wore her red dress today it had pretty gold and black embroidery on it and had a cute little jacket with the tail at the bottom. She didn’t want to wear black today. didn’t want to be stuffed in the hot clothes while under the august sun. she opened the window a little letting the breeze cool her, closing her eyes she listened to the background noise. Her brothers running around the house trying to get ready. The sounds of the birds chirping  and the sounds of the neighboring children playing in their backyard pools. These sounds used to soothe her but now they just saddened her. With no one here to really enjoy it with her there seemed to be no point to enjoy it at all. Slowly opening her eye she suddenly saw The child before her screaming she fell backwards. When she looked again he wasn’t there.