Dad

My dad had always been messed up. But this time it was different. This time instead of that ignorant feeling of frustration I usually felt towards his emotions, I felt, what I guess I should have every time he got like this, grief-stricken. I could feel his heart breaking, each crack ripping at my own. He was completely vulnerable, his eyes begging for my comfort. Today was my grandmother’s anniversary. Today it had been exactly 10 years since my grandmother killed herself. It wasn’t unusual for me to take care of my father. That’s the relationship we have. The relationship we’ve always had. It’s never bothered me, being the parent of the family. With my dad going through women like cigarettes, there’s never really been someone there for us. My dad’s always been there. He tries. But my father’s scattered. He doesn’t want himself to rub off on us, or to worry us, so he just stays away, always hiding his emotions. But every year, on this day, he lets it all out.
His voice was trebling like a child hyperventilates when they cry. He seemed at a loss for words, but I knew whatever would come out of his mouth, would worry me, and more so, worry my little sister. He looked to the floor, and finally said “I need you to watch your sister for a little while.” I could see the next part coming, similar words had been spoken last year. “I’m going away for a little while. I want you to know, no matter what, that I love you and your sister. You must always take care of her and stick together forever.” With my family’s history with depression and my dad’s ‘goodbye speech’, what was I supposed to think? Last year, he was bluffing. He left us for a mere 3 hours or so. I think he gained a little strength and realized we were important enough for him to stick around, to stay alive, so he came back. This time seemed different, but I could only hope for the best.
My dad rushed out the door. My sister was deeply indulged in Webkinz and barely questioned the situation. She would soon though. All we could do is wait. Wait for him to come home, if he ever would.