Who Cares??

The days go by fast, yet some how it seems that time has stopped all together. How can it be? Two very different things, two contrary states of being and yet I feel them both as I sit in the desk assigned and remember the days that passed. Is it because I look back on days that will never return that I feel time has flew even though I thought it would never end? Or maybe because I sit here thinking of how long I still have left to endure, that time seems to have fled and all sits still. But which is it? No one can have both, can they? Have I left thought all together and am simply floating above as everything scrambles to find its place? And if so, how have I done the impossible without sleep anchoring me still to life, or without death over coming me? Maybe I am sleeping, or possibly dead. What else could explain the tortures that challenge me? How long till someone sees that I am no longer with them even though I am right there beside them? How long till they understand that only a shadow remains of who I was before? But does that mean there is a new me in place of the dying pieces or that there is just less of me to withstand the obstacles of life? And if it is the first will people know that it is not truly me? Or if there is just less, will people feel that I am lacking a part of my soul? Alone, of everything I feel this is the strongest of them. But how can I feel so alone with everyone so close? Can they feel the distance that has over come what was once friendship or are they so self-consumed that they dismiss it all together? Who knows? Who cares?