The reasons for pursuing photography

In a nutshell, there are four reasons for still photography:

I. Man is a non-believer, especially in fellow man

Statement: A still photograph is used to instill belief of the existence of an object in a desired area, in another human being.

Example: This is a real life story of a man that appeared in a local newspaper a few days ago.

Man 1: Hey! I just came back from Japan, check out the pictures I've clicked.

Man 2: Oh I'm so excited! *Examines pictures, then eyes widen in shock* But...these are all pictures...of one...of the same...rock? Bloody liar! You didn't go to Japan, did you? You were here all along and you clicked these in your backyard! You just gave me an excuse because you didn't want to part with your painting equipment that I wanted to borrow for the local art contest! You're incredibly selfish!

Man 1: You retard! Look behind the rock, this is the foreground, check out the background. What the hell is that large sign that says 'Welcome To Osaka' doing there?!

Man 2: Oh.

Man 1: You damn ignorant slime. You feeble excuse for a male. Bloody borrowing my stuff all the time! Where's my wheelbarrow you borrowed last spring? Where's the pack of condoms you took to use as portable test tubes? Where's my teenage cousin you took as a date for your prom three months back and exchanged for a first edition DvD of 'Mary Poppins'?

Man 2: Err...oh ya, about that, you know what happened was..

Man 1: Take that you lying degenerate! *Smashes his head with the aforementioned rock in the photograph, that was in his jacket pocket all along.*

Man 2 falls dead to the ground.

Man 1: And that's the way the cookie crumbles.


II. Live Photography is for Pansies

Statement, by Ancient Chinese Philosopher: "You can take picture of small rodent, like mouse, but you cannot take picture of fast animal, like cheetah. Hence, camera and mouse have something in common...they can both be clicked."

Example: There was an interview conducted of a Ernesto Diaz, a Cuban photographer of National Geographic on taking pictures of live animals in motion versus still photography. Here are some excerpts....

Interviewer: So Sir, what can you tell us about still versus live motion photography?

E. Diaz: Take off your shades. I don't trust you. We're inside a car. You don't need them.

Interviewer: Okay sir, here. *Takes shades off*

E. Diaz: Ah...You have beautiful green eyes, like two exquisite emeralds, waiting to be rescued from the anguish of human existence. They are green like the leaves of a tree that will cling to its wedded partner, bearing with the travails of every storm, making the pain of its beloved its own, they are faithful leaves that will never leave their tree.

Interviewer: Sir please...The interview.

E. Diaz: Pardon me, I'm a tad bit tipsy. Now, I have a camera that allows me to take 30 photos. And I get paid for every picture I click. I haven't been able to afford a digital camera as I need the money to send to Angela and the niños, what will they eat? I have to put food both on the table, and in the fridge. So I must be frugal, and judge the conditions of each picture cautiously.

Interviewer: Fascinating Sir...

E. Diaz: Let me explain. It was last month, in the deep jungle of El Putador, I saw a mutant flying squirrel. It was a squirrel which could fly and emit lasers. I tell myself,"Ernesto...look at that...it's a marvel...You must shoot it." So I take out my rifle, then decide it is more financially beneficial to use my camera. I look through the viewfinder, then focus on the gentle creature seated peacefully in the branches, then just as I click....Whoosh! It leaped away. So I tell myself,"Ernesto....it happened once, it won't happen again...be patient." Then I focus on the animal in the trees, and as I click, Whoosh! Again it bounced off. I became aggravated. I say to myself,"Ernesto...be calm...give the animal another chance." I look into the viewfinder again and BAM! I shoot it. The god forsaken rascal falls flat on the ground. Then I peacefully take three snaps and job done.

Interviewer: Err....

E. Diaz: You see, you try to take photo of moving thing, photo get wasted. Kill the son of a bitch, then take picture. No no, please. You don't have thank me for giving such a priceless tip. No problem ah. Gracias.


III. Remembrance of History, and Her story

Statement by Bubbles Taylor, former Pornographic actress:
" The past is like the night you lost your virginity, they should both never be forgotten."

Example: This took place in Los Angeles. Ling Kou Bai was the proud great grand daughter of the first China man in the United States to start his own construction firm. He had erected a signpost that read,"You are here...but for how long?" Usually, back in the day, people who read the sign would wait bemused, and in a matter of seconds, would be bashed to unrecognizable bits by a wrecking ball that was part of the construction company. It would swing by every two minutes, taking out curious onlookers. Several petitions were filed to shut down the firm, but the wrecking ball silenced all.

A few months back, Ling Kou Bai discovered a dirt encrusted photo album which had a clear image of the gem of her family, her great grandfather, posing with the sign. She knew she had to reclaim the land and especially, the signpost. So she went over to locate the signpost. But Alas! The signpost was not to be found. She drove around the city, asking aware citizens, checking every town council for information, looking through directories and trying out the new extra-stretchable sports bra for $2.99. At what seemed to be the end of her strength, she was exasperated. But then, a cyanide capsule delivery man from 'Here Today, Gone Tomorrow', a startup company that dealt with making easy suicides affordable and possible, gave her a piece of astounding information. He told her that the sign post and the construction firm and the sign post had been torn down to make way for a new mall, that was to be inaugurated the next day.

What no one knew, was that Ling Kou Bai was the female head of the West Coast wing of the Chinese Triad. At the mall, a convoy of ebony colored cars lined the entrance. Thirty six Chinese exited the cars simultaneously, they had practiced this for two hours in the morning. Dressed in trench coats as black as the night that followed, they proceeded to enter the mall and set it ablaze.

Not a single store in the mall had a grain of glass remaining on their displays. Much like the ribs of a puny man after being in a fight with a man from Punjab, everything was broken. What gave Ling Kou Bai the most satisfaction was that the mall wasn't even insured yet. She then found the chairman of the group that owned the mall, and dealt with him. His family and him went missing. They were next seen a month later performing as mimes at a Russian circus catering to arthritic plumbers. Needless to say, the sign post and the construction firm were rebuilt and reinstated.

So you see, a still picture of stationary objects can help extensively.

IV. Being Environment Friendly

Statement by an pro-plantation photographer:
"An excess of greenery really brightens the scenery"

Example: All photographers know this, but for the sake of stating it, I am. Photographers take pictures. Pictures have to be developed. The more pictures that have to be developed, the more beneficial it is to the environment, because of the active participation of more plants. This is due to the process involved in developing photos, i.e. photosynthesis.