Dream Boy

'Tyra … Tyra…'

Is that my mother calling?

I am dreaming, I think. The words are soft and delicate, spoken on lips that remain out of sight. It is a breath, the wind.

There is nothing there.

Suddenly he appears, and I gasp with delight. There is a boy in front of me, his soft angelic curls falling around his head, his clear blue eyes watching me and his delicate lips parted slightly as the words flow from his open mouth.

'Tyra … Tyra …'

As his large hands reach out to mine, a deep smile spreads across his face. He knows what I am thinking: I am almost frightened by his beauty, the magnificent power that seems to rise from his every pore. I hesitate, unsure, but his words, as they flow from his delicate lips, are soothing.

'Come to me, Tyra. I want to be with you.'

My heart melts and I go to him. It is as though visible strings are attached to my limbs, and I am drawn towards him, a soft smile playing on his open lips. I am humbled by his beauty, the clear radiance of his body. His eyes are pure, crystal clear, and his skin is almost translucent in the paleness of everything that surrounds us in this place.

'Don’t be afraid.'

He whispers, but his lips don’t move to let the words out. He just opens his mouth and the words just fly from it, encompassing us both.

But I am not afraid. At least, I don’t think I am. I am more curious than afraid, and I stretch out my fingertips to where his skin should be, to the place between us both. I am not surprised to see my fingers pass through heavy air: somewhat thicker than what is normal, but not quite solid enough to be real.

I bring my fingers back, but they are unharmed. The boy is cold. Too cold for my liking, and I step away from him, wondering if the cold is some disease, if it will infect me as well.

He smiles, and his lips are soft as he whispers to me.

'I told you not to be afraid.'

I watch him, curious. I wonder why he is so cold, why I sense that I aught to be afraid of it, and he seems to hear my thoughts, for he smiles and catches my hands in his own, his eyes soft as he speaks to me.

'I am dead, Tyra.'

I take my hands away, unsure. I love him, I want to be with him, but he is not real. He is a dream, a memory, a figment of my imagination. He can’t be real, and I turn away in irritation, at the fact that I could have fooled myself into believing in him.

I wish he would stop looking at me like that. I can feel his sad eyes watching me, and I know I won’t be able to stay angry at him for long.

'I thought you wanted to be with me, Tyra.'

I turn around, afraid of the sadness in his voice. It seems almost to destroy him.

'I thought you loved me.'

I do love him, but I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want to die. I turn away, searching for the exit, knowing there must be one here somewhere. But the place we are in is white. There are no walls, no floors, and no doors. There is no crack, no rip, no way out or under or through.

But that is impossible. There is always a door, or a window, or a seam somewhere that can be broken. I look around, unable to face the idea that I am trapped, because that is just simply wrong. All I can hear is laughter.

It is him, that boy. He is laughing at me. His crystal clear eyes glisten, reflecting the endless white surrounding us. His almost transparent lips are open wide, a tongue hidden somewhere beneath. Perhaps a tongue that has rotten away.

Suddenly he stops laughing. His expression is serious. I have insulted him with that thought.

'You will be dead soon too, you know.'

I turn away, trying to block out his thoughts. He is playing a game, but I don’t want to be part of it any more. I want to get out.

'There is no way out.'

That is true.

'But I can help you.'

I wonder what has brought him to this conclusion, what has brought us together like this. I know that I am dreaming, but in dreams there is always a way out.

Again, he is smiling, but this time his face has softened.

'We were meant to be together, Tyra. Why do you think I brought you to this place?'

I frown unhappily. This was meant to be _my_ dream, but now he is in control. But perhaps it will not be that bad. I wonder if I can trust him, and he smiles in response. I move toward him again, blocking out the whispers, the fear in the back of my mind telling me to run, because I am still not sure.

'Tyra, I am here to protect you. Come with me and we’ll go together.'

He wants me to die, and I don’t know if I can.

He smiles in response.

'How do you know you’re not dead already?'

The place is white, and within his grasp, I too seem to be fading away. Perhaps I am nothing more than a ghost already. Perhaps the cold has infected me too.

His eyelids pull shut over his crystal-like eyes, and he leans toward me. I am afraid of the cold, and that is what I expect as his lips dissolve into mine, but this is not so.

'Your warmth has become part of me. We are destined to be together.'

He smiles, and I know he has finally decided on my fate. But somehow I am beginning to believe him. With every word he speaks I feel groggy and weak, and with every kiss he gives me strength again until I crave it more than anything else.

I want to be with him, this boy with a body as clear as water, eyes like sparkling crystals, and lips that give me life. But I am afraid. I am afraid to die.

I lean against his chest, seeing the bones beneath the thinness of his skin. It disturbs me and I look away, but already he seems to be fading, and I jump away from him in shock.

He is calm, and his smile is one of ease as he fades away from my mind.

'I want to be with you forever, Tyra. You know what you have to do.'

Soon he is gone, and I am alive, searching the living world for his presence, but he is not there.

In the world of the living, I cannot stop thinking about him. His beauty, the shimmering delicacy of his body, the purity of the world in which he lives. I want to be with him, with it all, but I can’t keep visiting him in dream. His presence only lasts for so long, and I am desperate for more.

I am distant: my mind somewhere else in the day, besides the life I once lived. If you had asked me where I was, I could only truthfully reply that I was weighing it all out: life or death, and the positives of each.

He was in my mind, that boy. All day his amazing body shone within my thoughts. I wanted to be with him more than ever, but I was not tired, and couldn’t fall asleep though I tried.

I have been coming to terms with dying, working it all out. He has told me that it has to be this way: every night he kisses me before fading away at morning, the desperate reminder to us both of what I have to do before we can finally be together.

And I have finally decided.

'Tyra... Tyra…'

I am waiting for him, wondering where he is. I can hear him laughing nearby, and I look up and down the busy street, searching for his presence.

But I will never find him.

'I’m in your mind.'

I want him to be near me. I want to feel his presence beside me, his tender lips beside my own. He laughs at this, and plants a vivid flashback in my mind: his lips so close to mine, the tingling breath between us making me shiver with delight. I want him more than ever.

'It’s time.'

The weight of these words seems to drift away as he leans forward to kiss me in my mind. We become so terribly close…

'You know what to do.'

I do. I look down the street once more, watching the traffic slide up and down the busy road. People pass me front and back, but I ignore them. I am going to a place better than here, a place full of delight. I am moving into the next life.

I can feel the wind of the traffic as it zooms past me, too fast to see, too fast to stop. I close my eyes and sway into the wind, back and forth on my toes.

'One more step and we’ll be together forever.'

This is all I want. But the words make me stop. I wonder what it’s like to die, imagining stepping out onto the road, swept up in the traffic. It is just about to hit me, and then I stop the thought.

The boy smiles and he leans closer to me. Not to kiss, as I had hoped, but to whisper in my ear.

'It won’t hurt. I promise.'

I try to believe him, to convince myself that this is true. I let my body fall forward, swaying in the wind, hearing the desperate groan of the tyres as the traffic moves along in front of me. It is time for me to die.

But I let the soles of my shoes touch the ground one more time before making the decision.

'You’re almost there. Just one more step, and everything will be-'

-Perfect.

I smile, revelling in the thought, the ecstasy filling my chest as I sway forwards once more.

'Open your eyes. Do you see it?'

I do. The bus is coming. It is time for me to die, to sleep forever.

I breathe in, holding it in, and let myself fall forward. Lighter than a leaf, I step out toward my fate.