Penicil

          The four of us sat in a private booth in the back of the restaurant. We were drinking heavily, laughing at some inside jokes, and flirting with the waitresses. It had been a long time since we’d had a guys’ night out.  With all of us having graduated from college and holding steady jobs now, it was hard to fit nights like these into our schedules.

          “This is great,” Fred said, his words slurring.

          “I know,” James quickly agreed, taking another shot of Vodka.

          “It would be great, if it wasn’t for my damn erectile dysfunction,” Benny told us.

          “Say what?” I asked, thinking I had heard wrong.

          “Lately I’ve been having problems with erectile dysfunction,” Benny repeated. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried Viagra, and different other types of over-the-counter medicines, but nothing seems to work.”

          “I’m trying to eat here, dude,” I told him, poking at my steak which didn’t seem so appetizing anymore.

          “You know what you should do,” James responded. “You should ask your doctor about Penicil.”

          “Penicil, what’s that?” Benny asked.

          “Penicil works differently than other stimulants. Some forms of erectile dysfunction are caused by a blockage to the penis, but what a lot of men don’t know is that it can be brought on by tension at work, stress, or even a lack of sexual activity. Penicil is the only medicine that is guaranteed to treat all of these problems.”

          “Hey James?” I questioned. “Why are you talking so funny?”

          “I don’t know,” Benny told us. “I’ve tried everything. What makes Penicil different? How does it work?”

          “I really don’t give a shit…” I started, but was cut off.

          “It’s simple,” Fred spoke up. “We just studied Penicil in one of my Med-School classes. You see, when stressed, your brain sends out numerous hormones and chemicals that affect things like fat storage, thinking, or the functioning of your penis. What Penicil does is block these chemicals from affecting the corpora cavernosa, which is the group of nerves that control the performances of the prostate.”

          “I’m gonna leave…”

          “Have you discussed this with Mary?” James asked.

          “She doesn’t know anything about my problems,” Benny answered. “I’ve been too scared to tell her.”

          “You should always discuss these important decisions with your wife. You need someone to be there to support you, and a decision like this affects her as well.”

          “Okay you guys… I’m getting up…” I told them. The waitress came by.

          “Do you guys want another round of drinks?” she asked, her notebook ready.

          “Wow James!” Benny exclaimed. “How do you know so much about Penicil?”

          James laughed and grabbed the waitress’s hand. She fell on his lap and giggled. The two of them kissed deeply.

          “Because I tried it, and it works,” James answered. “And our sex life has never been better.”

          “But before you take Penicil,” Fred piped up again. “You should really discuss the side-effects with your doctor. Taking Penicil can result in rashes, involuntary muscle spasms, headaches, vomiting, shortness of breath, heart attacks, strokes, and in some rare cases: death. Many of the people who take Penicil weren’t bothered enough by these symptoms to stop taking the drug. You, your wife, and doctor should all discuss this before you start taking Penicil on a regular basis.”

          “Okay, that’s it,” I said, rising to my feet. “It’s been great you guys, but I really have to get going. This should cover my part of the bill. It was fun seeing you guys again… We’ll see each other around…” I threw forty dollars on the table.

          “Wow, thanks you guys,” Benny told them. “I’ll look into it. You know I’ve also been having problems with some bowel irregularity. Do you know anything?”

          “That’s simple,” I said, sitting back down. “You should try Fecical…”

*          *          *

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Short Stories (Non-Nate Gillen)  (E) These are my different short stories. There's something for everyone. #1690969 by Jonathan Marx

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Nate Gillen Mysteries  (E) Think you're smarter than Nate Gillen? Match wits with my seventh grade detective! #1690972 by Jonathan Marx