GODS OF THE IMAGINATION

In telling the story of my life I took some of my recollections and with the help of some imaginary characters made them into short stories which I hope will be pleasing to the readers. Many of these stories have been completed while others are still pending but hopefully will fully develop in the near future. Some of these characters whom I call "Gods" of the outer world have plagued me throughout my life and will be revealed in short story form in coming installments.

I have written of the Rain Gods who starved my flowers one year and flooded them the next; of the God of Cramps who has hounded me most of my life; and how the Gods of Sex having deserted the aged have been turned loose on the young in movies, novels, and TV.

The Gods of Style will be thrown in as an irritant for the stylish women of my acquaintance, with the Gods of Chatter following a close second to provoke the ire of those women of ceaseless talk. The Gods of the 2 S'es (Sleep and Snore) have terrorized my nights for 60 odd years while the God of Irritation has allowed his offspring to play games with me that produce cuss words mixed in with moments of aggravation. Of all of these characters only one, the Lord of Scratch, has given me any comfort other than the God of Sleep (and that, in most cases, is only when the God of Snore himself has gone to sleep).

At this time let me introduce you to two of my imaginary characters the Lords of Itch and Scratch:

The Lord of Itch is a descendant of the God of Torment, an offspring of the Lord of Aggravation and true to his lineage his prime objective in life is to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and torment people. My first encounter of any real significance with this devilish character was when I was nine years of age and had what was suspected at that time to be the seven year itch (but thankfully was not). The only real relief from this torment in the early l920's was provided by the Lord of Scratch (a descendant of the God of Comfort) for to our knowledge medication to cure this distress had not yet been discovered. Thus it was the comfort from scratching that enabled me to maintain my equilibrium and endure life's moments of torment. However, after about two months of this discomfort our Doctor found a salve that cured this particular malady.

Until l950 the Lord of Itch was satisfied to torment me with the fun and frolic type itches, mostly those which could be quickly relieved by the Lord of Scratch. But just for fun he liked to place an itch in a hard or impossible place to reach with my fingers, like up high between my shoulder blades, thereby forcing me to back up to a doorway and rub like an old horse or cow against a post or a tree or call on my wife to scratch for me. The head is a popular spot for him to place his affliction but in his moments of fun he likes to place an itch in a place on my foot that would force me to remove my shoe before the Lord of Scratch could relieve the afflicted spot. He also places his irritating itch in the deepest part of the ear and for relief in this area the God of Hosts provided us with the little finger. But the fun spot he loves the best is in an embarrassing place on my back side when I am in a crowd of people, forcing me to escape to another room or look around to see if anyone is looking before allowing the Lord of Scratch to comfort me.

In l950 unbeknownst to me I must have angered this little Lord, because he laid upon me an itch that has been continuous in the same spot for lo these many years and you can bet your socks that devilish Lord put that itch in that hard to reach spot between my shoulder blades. Medical Doctors, Witch Doctors, people good and bad have tried for 52 years to cure that itching spot but here again the Lord of Scratch has been my only real comforter.

Now while the L of S has been a comforter he has also been a destroyer. I have scratched holes in my shirts, undershirts and sweaters. Yes, I get comfort but I also get holes. I have even scratched the color out of shirts at that one particular spot. I didn't know it could be done but after six or eight months of wear I have had blue shirts develop a white spot just over that itchy place.

I must admit that I am thankful to that devilish Lord for not making it a continual torment. I can go for days and sometimes weeks without discomfort and then all at once it will hit me. While relief to some people is spelled R-O-L-A-I-D-S, for those who itch it is spelled S-C-R-A-T-C-H.

FOOTNOTE: (A little early history extracted from an article I wrote in 1991)

It was in l917 that we moved to a house on 4th St., about three blocks west of the old Central School, where I started to school when I was seven (1918). We were living there when the first air plane came to Brady. It was piloted by Lt. Bill White and he landed the plane on a field out by the old Stock Pens which were located about one mile south of the city limits and adjacent to the old Mason road.

`These pens were used by all of the ranchers in McCulloch and Mason counties---they had to trail drive their cattle from their ranches to Brady---as Brady had the nearest railroad. Many of these cattle drives from Fredericksburg and Mason would spend a night at the Fritz Otte place (about 7 miles south of Brady). The following morning they would drive the cattle on in to the "Stock Pens"near the railroad track and hold them there until they had been dipped for ticks and then they were loaded into the cattle cars provided by the rail road.

The "dipping vat or chute" was about forty feet long and filled with a mixture that smelled like creosote. Each end of the vat was slanted so that the cattle walk into the vat at one end and walk out at the other---the poor critters were pushed into the vat which was so deep they had to swim to the other end--=and while they were swimming across men with long poles would push them under the water to be sure that all of the ticks got a dose of the creosote. This was great fun for the kids of those days to watch---you could well guess that if this was fun for kids there must have been very little else going on.

*Note: A reference to this old dipping vat will appear in an article scheduled for Feb.14, 2006 in which it is suggested that substances other than creosote be used.