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Rated: 18+ · Monologue · Comedy · #1690212
Are cell phones really necessary?
CELL PHONE JUNKIE

4 fertilized chicken eggs were used in a study to demonstrate the harmfull effects of cell phone use. The eggs were kept in identical conditions to hatch. Except one egg was placed next to a cell phone
which was rung constantly. The three eggs without exposure hatched, the cell phone egg did not. In fact, what happened was the inside of the egg was watery goo though it was fertilized like the others.

People seem to be addicted to their phones, using them uneccesarily.
I have seen people in the same room texting each other. Families at the table text ,"Pass the salt". The new phones have multi-texting ablities so you can ignore more people at once.

I did buy a TracPhone and tossed it after one week. My family was using it to page me and do their chores. My son texted me that the toilet paper roll was empty.

I went out with my daughter and she was on her cell the entire time. No conversation was heard except, "Beep...blip...bleep...clicky-click". After shopping and dinner, I thanked her cell phone for a lovely evening and motioned a "call me" with pinky and thumb to my ear.

Bosses want to know your cell phone number. They have the home phone but insist on calling the cell. Had it occurred to them if you're not answering the home phone, you're out and want to hide from them?

Then there's the incognito cell addict. They wear the Star Trek ear device. It looks very high tech and stylish... to some people. I think they look like astronauts in need of a ship. They get this self-important attitude too. Anything they do seems more cool to other bluetooth wearers. They run out of the store and dash to their car,"Yes I've got the milk, I'll be there right away!" Wow! That was so cool! When having dates or family get togethers they can discreetly answer the phone.Or so they think. At the ballet I attended, several people were wearing bluetooth devices and they were lighting up like fireflies. It began to look more like a rock concert with the flickering lights standing out clearly in the darkened space. A girlfriend of mine was smoking and I saw her hair was on fire and swatted the red ash in her hair. Turns out her hands-free device had a red light. Who knew?

I know one guy who can text with the phone in his pocket.I asked him,"Is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"  He did it in church too. Until the pastor texted him a message that said,"You're going to hell if you don't stop it now. From, Satan".

People get violent about it too. They feel snubbed and rightly so. Some people feel as if their love interest is cheating on them and giving them all their attention. The addict should just be honest and say, "I feel different when I'm around them. No one else makes me feel this way." That's because the EMF's (electro magnetic frequencies) are changing your brain waves and slowly but surely turning your grey cells to mush. It's like a mini lobotomy each time you use that cell phone.

When a cell addict can't answer when you call is offensive to me. But the cause isn't personal. They're snubbing the landline phone, not you. In fact landlubbers like me are not cool enough to be chatting with cellies. A cellie won't be caught dead-batteried talking to a landlubber.

So I guess when I need the salt or I'm out of T.P., I'll just have to suffer.

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