Rest Home Reflections

My mum passed away 4 years ago now. She lived in a rest home supreme

Her sense of humour carried her through. She really was a scream.

Her GP was Dunphey, He'd visit quite often

Mum would have him in stitches and his manner would soften.



On entering her room he would ask how she was. Without blinking my mother would say,

"With you as my toy boy and my low boy and my pouf I'm feeling better every day!

So I thought I would try to record on this site

Some reflections of what gave my fancy its flight.



High on a hill overlooking more hills

the registered nursing staff dish out the pills

To residents who, in the eyes of their kin

Need somewhere relaxing to sup at their gin

On Fridays at Happy Hour if they are lucky

Or they could choose to paddle with the turtles or duckies.



Actually several of the residents have gone head over heels

Into the water with tiny faint squeals

and as people are pulled from the water, the fish

All swim to the side, None seem to get squished!



The ambulance arrives. No decorum. No demeanour.

Oh Dear! What a Shame! Another broken neck of femur.

Eventually the hues and the cries all die down

The doctor arrives from the other side of town.



But it's not all so bad. Some days are quite good

With entertainments and outings and reasonable food

Unless like my mother and you've been here for years

The meals, the meals are the one thing she fears



'We sit in our rooms awaiting our teas

We always say 'thank you' and 'sorry' and 'please'

And tea is the meal that we all hate the most

Why can we not have a boiled egg and some toast?'



'At midday our dinner is meat spud and veg plenty

And breakfast is cereal and served at 8.20

But teatime's the worst Its always the same

Lumpy soup with a sandwich Its really quite tame'



Oh yes there is supper but that too is pathetic

Mum cannot have biscuits because she's diabetic

So they bring her a Milo with milk and sugar too

She cannot drink that so what should she do?



She has tried Cappuchino and drinking straight soda

She doesn't like cocoa no matter what's owed her.

Olive tried drinking sherry the drier the better

Or Gin and Tonic now that is the letter



But at the end of the day it appears unto me

That what she would really love is a hot cup of tea

It's always so cold when it gets to her room

She cannot abide it it's cold as a tomb!



The clatter and crash of the supper time trolley

Announces the arrival of the old trolley dolly

the caregivers are kindly and smiley and round

The coffee tastes of mud because its been freshly ground!



The soup's "lumpy muck" when it hasn't a name

And you can't actually see it. It's stopped being a game.

So a fridge on a trolley brought in by daughter, Jane

With slices of cheese and lovely relish again



The monotony's lifted and happiness returns

Until the cheese has gone and once more Olive yearns

For a nice greasy pork chop or a sausage that's brown.

But no it's lean meat, carrots, mash and peas that she eats in her night gown



When memories go that's when the fun starts

Which is the medicine we take for our hearts?

Is it Glucosomide, Disprin or Nitro glycerine?

Ooops! - Nitro Lingual - I won'e cause a scene.



I can't find my knickers. I think, think, think, think

I sit in my chair. Oh! What's that in the sink?

Aah! Now I recall. I washed them last night.

Just as I was finishing they turned off the light!



Then the telephone rings. The telly comes on!

Oh Bother! Oh Bothe! Which knob's off and which is on?

"Hello. Who's speaking? Have you had a good day?"

Well what do they care as they all work and play?



Each day is the same..eat, sleep, sleep eat

Sometimes we go for a stroll in the street.

Thank Heavens for my books, my telly, my tapes

Thank Heavens for the occasional bunch of sweet grapes



Thank Heavens for the Marys, the Sophies and the Myrtles

Thank Heavens for the residents and the fish and the turtles

Thank Heavens for the caregivers and the nurses and the ragers

But most of all Thank Heavens for a Rest Home called Malvina Majors.