Julia Roberts

                 
                  Julia was not a religious person. She believed in God, but found her Christian
        upbringing to be oppressive. The Church was a dull place for her imagination. Still,
        she wanted more, than a life of leisure as a successful actress. But, her fame had trapped
        her behind gated mansions and security guards. Furthermore, she was menopausal.
        Her sex drive was in first gear and she looked tired. She needed tofu to wake up in the
        mornings. She was growing a mustache. In desperation, she turned to a travel agency.
                    "I need to go some place and feel ... like I'm hungry again." Mrs. Roberts explained
        to her Egyptian girl friend. "You should visit Egypt. It is an exotic and devoutly appetizing
        place." Irana said. Julia smiled her million dollar smile, "I don't want to get kidnapped. That
        place is full of terrorists." Irana pouted,  "That is racist remark. Do you think I am a .."
        "Oh, no. No. I had you checked out years ago. But, a change would do me good." Julia's
        answere trailed off as she looked over at her neighbor Muzzy. He was wearing his Wonder
        Woman spandex custom and swimming. Julia laughed and picked up her binoculars.
        "That wack job?" Irana responded. "Ah-huh." Julia made a toothy smile. She stood up.
        "I'm going to visit Muzzy!" she exclaimed and skipped out the door.
                    Muzzy was reclining on a lounge chair. "Muzzy! Muzzy! Hi!" Julia ran over to him.
        "Ehm? Hi Julia! Would you like some cookies?" Muzzy offered her chocolate chip cookies.
        "Oh? No thanks. I just eat tofu and sip wine." Julia knelt beside Muzzy and placed her head
        in the hollow of his chest. "I need ... something.. but-but." she broke out in tears.
        Muzzy rubbed the back of her head. "Well. How about astral projection?" Muzzy spoke up.
        Julia sat back on the heels of her sandals. She wiped the tears off her face and gasped,
        "I do meditation." "Not like this." Muzzy reached over and placed his hands on her head.
        Julia felt a tickle. Then, she noticed her cloths had been neatly folded and placed on the
        table next to Muzzy's lounge chair. She tried to stand up, but fell back on all fours.
        Muzzy was standing over her. He had a leash on a collar around her neck. Irana walked up.
        "Julia? What are you doing?" Irana looked down at her. Julia barked. Muzzy handed the
        leash to Irana, "She was very upset. Then, she decided to be a dog. I guess she's acting."
        Julia tried to explain, but could only bark.
                    "I'm just a buddy; she doesn't pay me enough for this." Irana handed the leash
        back to Muzzy. Irana walked away. Muzzy's Great Dane ran over to sniff Julia's butt.
        Julia barked and growled. "Oh, I wouldn't get Shelpy angry. He has a very nasty bite." Muzzy
        explained. Julia looked up at Shelpy's drooling maul. She tried to crawl away. But, Muzzy
        tugged hard on the leash. In two shakes of a lambs tail, Shelpy was humping Julia Roberts.
        Muzzy rubbed the back of her neck. After an hour of humping, Muzzy placed a bowl of Alpo
        in front of her. She was not hungry. Shelpy was and gobbled the bowl. "Walkies?" Muzzy
        announced. And Shelpy leapt up on Muzzy's chest. Muzzy chained Julia's collar to Shelpy's
        and let them run about the beach. Shelpy nipped at Julia, when she stumbled and he dragged
        her. He nipped and nipped, tugging on her collar. Muzzy swam and rested in his lounge chair.
        "Shelpy!" Muzzy could see Shelpy was upset with Julia's stumbling. The Great Dane was
        stomping on her. He unchained them and reattached his leash to Julia. She crawled back
        to the lounge chair. Muzzy opened a can of beer and poured it into the Alpo bowl. Julia plunged
        her face in, slurping up the beer. Shelpy came running up. "No! This is mine! Mother fucker!"
        Julia Roberts shouted and smacked Shelpy across the face with the Alpo bowl. She stood up.
        "Well? Did you find yourself?" Muzzy smiled, looking up from his lounge chair.
        Julia raised the Alpo bowl high to strike Muzzy. "Now-now. Do you want a cookie? I can
        change you into a parrot." Muzzy smiled an offered the basket of cookies. Julia clenched her
        fists and stomped back to her beach house. Suddenly, she stopped and squatted and peed.
        Then, scampered over to Muzzy. "Can we do that again?" she begged with her hands up like
        a puppy. Muzzy laughed and she was his bitch.


        :)