Maybe you're the same as me.

Maybe you're the same as me.

Written by Mikaela Skog

With a cigarett dangeling in the left corner of her mouth, she tied the shoe laces of her marine blue converse. She noticed that the right shoe was starting to get a tiny hole in it. Excellent she thought while taking a lung full of smoke. Just excellent. While sitting on the stairs outside of her university her eyes trailed down the street, searching. He was suppoused to be there 20 minutes ago. She however wasnt at all mad or frustrated since he was always late. A trait that in the beginning of their relationship had been a frustration. That was untill she found out the source of this lateness. When ever he would walk down a street he would always end up doing something completley random, not because he had to but because his impulsive side always throbbed to seek new adventures. Or misadventures as they sometimes turned out to be. He usually got to talking with the bums and always bought them dinner, then there was also that time he helped a busker earn enough money to stay at a B &B for a week. For everytime he was late he would bring her a little present, sort of a peace offering. At home she now had a neat collection containing of things like a coconut, a pipe, a post card of an old sailor, a blue dice, a bracelett with miniature tigers dangeling from it, green shoe laces, the Queen Lp Jazz and a deck of cards.
Then her eyes fixed upon the amber coloured eyes she had been searching for, but something was wrong, terribly wrong. His face was covered in an expression she had never seen him wear before. Slowly he came closer to her with his arms stretched out aching for her. They were trembling and she realized what sort of expression he had. It was guilt. Quickly she stood up confused as never before, why would he make such a face?
- I...I'm so fucking sorry.
His eyes were red from crying and his underlip was slightly bleeding. Problably after him chewing it in despair.
- What are you talking about? You're only 30 minutes late this time.
Hesitaion obvoius in her voice, she knew something much worse then he beeing late had happened.
- I...
His voice was failing and before he could utter another word he quickly grabbed her, pulling her very close. She then knew, with this hug that felt like a goodbye she knew what he had done. She pushed him away while breathing out a loud "No".
- No you didnt? Did you?!
Panic stricken he tried to pull her close once again but in vain, she took a few steps away from him in disgust.
- Look! I know everyone says this but i mean it when i say that it meant nothing! I was so fucking drunk i thought she was you!
- Well I've fucked you whilst I've been high as a kite AND drunk out of my mind and still i knew , i fucking knew that it was you i fucked! How could you?! How the fuck could you?!
- Please dont say fuck so much it doesnt suit you!
Then suddenly she shut down, she always did this when ever she felt an emotion too strongly. He emedietly saw this, her eyes grew blank and her arms were limp by her sides. He used to call this her zombie mode but that wouldnt be suitable to call it in this situation.
- No come on! Not now! Scream at me! Tell me how dissapointed you are but dont you dare shut down!
Her eyes that had been staring out into nothingness now looked at him.
- I'm hungry. I'm going to Angelica and when i come home later this evening i think it would be best if you werent there.
She said this in a monotone flat voice and then walked off. He walked after, trying to get her to look at him. When he got a stare from her that looked questioning as if he was just a random stranger holding her arm. Then with a sudden feeling of defeat he let go of her.
- I'm sorry.
He said whispering as he walked pass her. Quickly she spun around after him tuning on again, she loved him too much not to get angry or to at least get an explanation.
- Who was she?
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.
- I have no idea.
He dared to take a step towards her. He wanted to close the gap between them as much has he could.
- It meant nothing. I swear, i thought it was you, the time i could think straight that was. I was so out of my mind. I...I had passed out and when i woke up...she was...
- She was what? Riding your brains out?
- No! I never slept with her! She was giving me a blowjob and first i thought it was you but when i looked down and saw that it wasnt I pushed her off and ran out of there!
- Is this the truth?
She said as she raised one eyebrow questioning.
- Yes! You can ask Dave he saw the whole thing!
- Do you swear it?
- Dawn, I swear on my mothers grave.
Alexanders mom had died a year ago and Dawn knew perfectly well that he would never swear on her grave if it wasnt the truth. Uncontrolably she strated to laugh hysterically so that she fold into two.
- Wha? What's so funny?
He asked both confused and a little relieved.
- You were! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You were blowjob raped!!! HAHAHAHA!!
Right then he decided, he made the biggest decision of his life in secret as he saw her crying with laughter. He was going to marry this girl, no matther what she was going to say "I do" to him some time in the future.
- So? So you forgive me?
She moved close to him and put her arms around his neck, still a little teary from the laughter.
- What's there to forgive? I recon we better get you home and get you cleaned off. I bet you feel dirty and beeing raped really isnt a laughing matther.
She said as if it had been him who had laughed about it.
- Did she kiss you?
- Not that i know of.
- Well just in case.
She pulled his face towards her own and kissed him. Realizing for the 203 674th time what a good kisser he was. Her kiss got more intense and before they knew it a hard concrete wall was crashed into Alexanders back. Knowing what had happened the last time they had sex in public they pulled themselves together and went home to do it in the shower instead.

Dawn and Alexander had met like most couples, at a party of a mutual friend. It was Alexander's best friend Dave who wanted to celebrate his 22nd birthday with a bang and invited everything that could move. Dawn's friend Jesse knew someone who knew Dave and therefore the girls had been invited. When Dawn and Jesse entered the party everyone there had already passed into drunk mode 3 and were chatting, dancing and making out as if there were no tomorrow.
- How wonderful with so many drunken people about and look! Everyones so gorgeous.
Dawn was standing in the entrance looking around the crowded room with delight. Jesse however was scanning for some hottie she could accidently spill her drink on. On the other side of the room the two girls had been spotted by Alexander, Dave and Rob.
- Who is that?!
Said Rob pointing over to the entrence where the two girls stood.
- I have no clue but dibs on the blond one.
Dave was reffering to Jesse who with her tight black dress stood out in the crowd. Alexander's eyes however were fixed on the red haired girl with the green dress that had small red dotts on it.
- The red head.
He had decided upon her for the night, she was going to be his choice for the night.
- Hey I saw them first!
Exclaimed Rob, but after getting one glance from Alex, Rob edmitted defat. You see Alexander was a real looker, with his wild dark hair that went in perfect contrast to those amber eyes of his most guys were bleak in his presence. There wasnt one girl at that party that hadnt glanced over towards him at least twice. He made his way threw the crowd towards the red head with much difficulty since he was walking threw a bunch of dancing girls who saw their chance to get a feel. Once he had got out of the crowd a little violated, Dawn and Jesse had advanced towards the bar. Before Alex could walk over to them an old friend of his had turned up and wanted a little chat. Alexander tried to casually blow him off with little success. In the meantime a dodgy bloke had started to shark around Dawn who stood alone in the bar and Alex could see the bothered expression on her face as the guy got to touchy.
- Look mate, sorry i got to go!
Alex said moving away from his mate who had to break off in mid sentence. He had an eye for knowing a damsel in distress and sure enough Dawn was that sort of damsel at that moment, untill she kicked the guy between his legs and threw a drink in his face. Supprised Alex stopped just a few feet away and came face to face with Dawn who was fleeing the scene.
- Whow! Nice one! And i who was about to walk over and save you. But you clearly can manage on your own.
She eyed him for a second and then saw his glowing amber eyes that showed a sort of kindness that she rarely ever saw..
- Haha! I know right! High five!
Without missing a beat he high fived her and took a hold of her hand.
(Song playing in the background The white stripes - We're going to be friends)
- I'm Alexander.
- I'm Dawn.
They spent the whole night locked in Daves room listening to old records, smoking, talking about everything they thought matther and danced. While dancing to Chet Baker's My funny Valentine Alexander decided that he had to have Dawn. It wasnt a matther of trying to get her he HAD to have her. It had been a long time since he had clicked like this with anyone. She was so funny, he had already had three fits of stomach aching unstoppable laughter on her account and her face. He had of course seen prettier girls then her in his 22 years on earth but there was some undescribable radiant mood that shone from her.
- If I was to ever create a song i iwshed it would have been this song. I like an unperfect love seems more true then two gorgeous people forced together by looks as it is in ALL movies.
- Haha you sure have your mind set on things dont you?
Blushing she went out into a twirl away from him but he just twirled her right back in. They looked at each other not really knowing what to say and then she said it.
- I have a boyfriend.
His heart sank a few feet threw the floor. A little defeated he looked away, wondering why his heart had sunk so suddenly. She was just some random girl after all wasnt she? He could get a new girl in an instant and yet he did not want it. He wanted this one, he wanted her.
- A boyfriend? Then what have we been doing all night?
- I'm sorry, it's been going to hell between me and him and you just came in the right time and said the things i needed to hear. I am just a evil bitch who saw an oppertunity to get away for one night. Even if you dislike me i just have to say thank you. Thank you for an amazing night, i havent been this happy for a long time.
His pride told him to tell her that she was a bitch and leave but a tiny fragment of his heart had already left. This tiny piece had left it's former place under his left chest and moved over to place itself beside hers. In a mixture of pride and heart theft he sighed.
- I'm going.
He loosened his grip on her hand and waste, took out a ciggaret and then left the room. Realizing that he left the fragment in that room but didnt care. He would come back for it another day or let it dissolve.
Dawn stood there alone with only Chet Baker to keep her company. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it was going at dubble speed. Have i just let the one go out of that door? Could she even remember the last time she had had such a happy time? This thought crossed her mind and the record stopped, she took it as her que to run after Alexander.
Quickly she ran out of the room and into the big living room where she found him already chatting up another girl. When she met his eyes she started to laugh and started to walk for the exit. He went after her.
- why did you laugh? You're the one with a boyfriend!
- Well obviously you dont care that much do you? Go back to what ever her name is and end the evening how you had attended to since the beginning.
She said half laughing but she furiously looked for her jacket in the messy entrance hall.
- Well at least she doesnt have boyfriend and at least she doesnt leads me into thinking something else!
- I said I was sorry! But it obviously didnt matther what girl it was as long as she was willing to put out a fuck right?!
Starrtled by her words that to some extent were accurate he looked at her as she gave up the search for her jacket and went out into the december night with only the green dress to sheild her from the cold.
Stupid, stupid boy! she thought as the goosebumps emedietly rose up on her skin as the cold hit it. Then she thoughts of Erick who hadnt tried to call her all night as he had promised to do.
Back at the party Alexander stood looking dumbfunded at the door she had exited threw. Why didnt he want her to go? It wasnt worth going threw this much trouble for a girl was it? But it was. Quickly he ran out of the door down the steps and jumped down from the last three one and leaped for the door and out on the street. First he didnt see anyone, the street was empty untill he heard someone yell in fury. He went around the corner and saw Dawn talking in the telefone
- Well your promise means as much as shit to me! Always with the excuses and lies! I know you've been about but still i thought i loved you and wanted to live in how we used to have it. But no more! I'm done! You can just fuck off for all i care you imbacil!
Furiously almost dangerously she threw her phone into the pavement and panted slightly creating a mist that seaped out of her mouth. She closed her eyes to get back some of her restraint and when she opened them she saw Alexander looking bewildered. After eyeing him a moment she tried to dissifer the look on his face. He was very hard to read she thought as he moved closer to her.
- I just broke up with my boyfriend.
- Uhhm... yeah, i sort of heard.
Both of them was trying to understand what this might mean. Dawn was batteling with the thought that he had just a few moments ago just wanted to sleep with her and then found another one but still he had after all run after her hadnt he? Alexander was batteling with the sense in him saying to go back up to the random girl upstairs but still Dawn had broken up with her boyfriend. They stood there for a while lost in thought when finally she broke the silence.
- I'm freezing.
He looked up at her and saw a smile on her face, her conclusion had been to his advantage.
- Let's go.
As a perfect gentleman (when he wanted to be) he gave her his thick gray wollen sweater and they walked down the street to where they hadnt decided but at least they both were consenting on holding hands.

- Dawn! have you seen my jacket?
He shouted from the small kitchen where he was looking threw the mess for something that looked like a green army jacket.
- I have no clue man!
- Well woman help me find it!
She came into the kitchen only wearing a t-shirt with her hair in a mess after a night full with lovemaking. When he saw her he couldnt contain himself and quickly went over to kiss her. Her head bumped into the door post as she kissed him back, she simply loved this new found passion of his and was consemplating on thanking the blow job raper. Their lips parted and both panthed for air.
- Work.
He muttered as his lips had traced down to the nape of her neck.
- Then... Dont be late.
They looked at eachother and smiled. How happy they were in their small apartment with just each ot... Then a sudden thought just came like a lightning bolt into her head, her period was late. He saw this sudden panic in her eyes.
- What?!
- Alex...I'm late!
He looked confused and then looked at his watch.
- No you're not. You're free today but I'm late if i dont leave now.
He said and let go of her and was about to go out in the hallway when she seized his arm looking terrified now.
- No! I mean i'm five days late!
For a second he didnt know what she meant but then he understood.
- You mean you're pregnant!
- I dont know! But i'm usually not this late! Oh my god!
They both stared at eachother.
- But how will we fit in a baby in this small apartment?
This was the first thought that struck him, of all the thoughts this was the one that seemed most urgent.
- Are you saying...that if i'm pregnant.... you want us to keep it?
He hadnt had time to think like that, of the possability that they could take it away...
- I don't know,
- But wait... Before we do anything we need to get a pregnancy test and...well maybe you should call in sick or something.
- Of course!
Quickly he called his job and faked a cough that was passable and then quickly hung up to put on his shoes.
- Stay here i'll be back! Drink alot of water or something so we wont have to wait.
20 minutes later he returned with a shopping bag with three pregnancy tests in it. Dawn who had been feeling as if she was about to pee her pants grabbed the bag and went into the bathroom. Alexander was walking back and forth outside of the toilet. He was thinking of what he would have to do if she were pregnat and what affect it would have on their life.
- You know I will have to get a more serious job if we are going to have this baby.
- What?!
She didnt really understand, did he want this baby? They were so young and Alexander was so not ready to become a father according to her knowledge but maybe he would man up and actually be fit for it.
After a minute she came out of the toilett determine to settle things.
- What does it say?!
- We have to wait three minutes but before we look at it we have to settle things dont we.
- What do you mean.
She sat down on their small sofa and put the pee stick back in it's package and ordered him to sitt down next to her.
- So...
- So... But dont you want this kid?
- Alex, we're only 23 years old arnt we? Should we really