The Voices

They are surrounding me. Everywhere I turn they’re there. How can I escape them? I can’t out run them- they’ll follow me. I can’t hide from them- they’ll find me. And I can’t destroy because they are a part of me.

How can I get away? I can’t. I must live with them. They are a curse. They follow me and mock everything I do. Criticize me. I fall asleep every night to their voice, “You will never be good enough.” Every night I lay in agony, wondering if I they’re right. Am I good enough? “No.” But I have family! “They don’t love you! They never tell you they love you! They hate you.” What about my friends? They care about me- I don’t have to be perfect for them! “Think again child. They don’t like you, you sit in the shadows and pretend that you are a part of their group but you are not. You are not good enough to be loved or wanted.”

Every night I banter with them trying to prove to them that I was good enough for family and friends. But every night I feel more unsure than before. It gets harder to sleep. They torment me, driving me towards the edge. Every day I get closer to my doom. They laugh and provoke harder and longer than they ever had before. What did I do to deserve this? What did I ever do?! I can’t take this agony any longer. I jump over the edge. The end is near. They rejoice as I tumble over the side. My brain in frenzy, I fall silently topple into dark waters below. I don’t struggle as my lungs burn for more air. They are getting antsy because I am taking too long. They want to be free. Black dots appear in my vision and they smile as they feel me slipping into the darkness.

I feel myself loosing it and my world became black. It could’ve been hours or even days before I felt myself being aroused by a hand slapping against my cheek. Why wouldn’t they stop? My heart was a deafening roar in my ears. Thump. Thump. Thump. I failed. I was still here.

They- I stopped. Where were they? Had they taken my body and left me on the rocky shores? What happened?

“Miss! Miss!” a voice yells near my head. “Are you alright, Miss?!” The voice sounds frantic. Why was the voice worrying about little old me? ... There was no reply from them. Where were they? My head didn’t feel as clouded as it used to; I could think again!

Without a reply for the voice I quickly got up only to fall back again with a heavy, aching feeling like what I got with them. For a brief moment I thought they were coming back for me; to make me finish what they started. But luck was on my side as the only voice I heard was the soothing voice above me. “Careful now. You took a pretty nasty spill back there. What were you doing up on that cliff anyways?”

I shook my head; trying to get used to the feeling of no extra voices in my head. It was nice, no noise, and I could think without having comments swarming everything like moths to a flame. I could get used to this empty head, though something was lurking in the back of my mind. I couldn’t place it but it felt like I wasn’t alone; like they were still there. But they couldn’t be, they’d be ranting about how I didn’t finish. They weren’t there, I told myself. They’re gone.

Or are we?