Fair play.

The annual challenge soccer match between Rockhaven school's first XI and the masters was always a lively affair. This years game would be no exception. Due some brilliant pre-match play by the masters the usually unconquerable schools team was depleted by detention handed out to five of their star players. This meant bringing in some of the less talented and untried players.

The regular referee refused to be bribed by the masters despite being taken down to the local pub and being treated to several pints of the best real ale and then later a very good chicken vindaloo. Unfortunately what with the ale, the curry and an excellent breakfast served up up by the wife of masters coach, of bacon, eggs, mushrooms,beans and fried bread he had to withdraw due to an upset stomach. His hastily found replacement was the French master affectionately known as 'Mr McGoo'.

The masters kicked off and the ball was kicked high into the schools penalty area. Watkins one of the replacements and an excellent winger caught the ball and raced up the touch line. It wasn't until he had ran halfway up the pitch dodging attempts to stop him that he was finally upended by Mr ‘Nasty/ Jones (Maths) While withering in agony holding his knee he was informed that whilst he was a brilliant rugby player today's game was soccer and would he mind sticking to the rules. A penalty was awarded to the masters.

As Smith the 4 ft 6in. sub goalkeeper trembled he watched the 6ft 10in Mr 'Shithouse' Andrews (sport) begin his 20 yard run up to take and the kick. As he reached the ball 'Shithouse' stubbed the ground sending the ball skidding along the ground towards the goal. Smith, with his eyes tightly closed. bravely dived to his right. The ball hit Smith's foot as he landed, bounced, hit the crossbar only to return at full speed then hitting Smith's head sending the ball it into the net. While being revived 'Shithouse' was jumping up and down..

It wasn't until the game had restarted and 5 minutes had elapsed that it was discovered that he was not celebrating the goal but had suffered a bruised toe when he had stubbed his toe.

By halftime the masters had taken a 3-0 lead. The second goal being a gem. From the edge of the penalty area Mr 'Kojak' Hudson (History) did an overhead kick The ball hit the crossbar came out and hit 'Mr McGoo' before returning goal-wards sending Smith the wrong way. The third was scored from the kick-off without the masters touching the ball. The school players wanting to keep possession passed back until it reached the goalkeeper. Smith ran ot of his goal missed his kick at the ball completely and as he went arse-over-tip the ball trickled into an empty net.

The second half started more hopefully for the schools XI scoring two goals in the first ten minutes. It was now 3-2. With 15 minutes to go they scored again. This was a most bizarre goal. The school were awarded a corner and as the ball came into the crowded penalty area McTaggart rose beautifully above the defenders and punched the ball under the diving goalkeeper's body. At first 'Mr McGoo' disallowed the goal until he saw the linesman flagging furiously.

Going over he saw that while his flag arm was perfectly OK his other was being held behind his back by Jock McTaggart the father of the goal scorer. 'Mr McGoo' informed Mr McTaggart that violence would not change his mind. It was then Jock McTaggart turned his attention onto 'Mr McGoo' demonstrating a fantastic stranglehold that any wrestler would be proud of. After a few moments 'Mr McGoo' conceded that his eyesight was below par and yes his parentage was in doubt and he would be more than happy to reverse his decision as soon as Mr McTaggart kindly released the grip on his neck. So the goal stood.

It was well into injury time that the school XI produced the best move of the game. They were awarded a free kick 20 yards out. As the masters were lining up their defence wall, a commotion broke out on the terraces. Jenny Banks sister of the schools captain and centre forward and a pupil of the nearby girls school was doing a streak across the pitch.

Unaccustomed of seeing young girds in this state they let go of what they were holding and chased after Jenny. Not to be outdone John Howard the schools centre half dropped his shorts and mooned at the now boisterous crowd. Seeing this the masters goalkeeper Mr 'Sweetie' Wilson (English lit) chased after John Howard. This left an empty net for the taker of the free kick. Not wanting to miss out out on the fun. 'Mr McGoo' blew for a goal and full time to join in the chase after Jenny. Unfortunately he ran in the wrong direction and straight into the adjoining schools swimming pool.

So ended another memorable contest, with the pupils maintaining their unbeaten record. With a combination of skill, luck and a little gamesmanship they had managed to overcome their adversaries. Despite their skill,luck and a little gamesmanship it was back to the drawing board for the masters and to come up with a plan to end the schools XI dominance over them.