When You Capture A Child's Heart

If somebody asked me a few years back the question, “Is it possible to be loved without any conditions being set, without any expectations inevitably happening, and without being discriminated?” I would have answered “No. There is no such thing as unconditional, boundless and indiscriminate love. Expectations will always arise, silent conditions will always be there and judgment will always be imposed. Only the naïve ones will ever think that such thing could even be possible.”

I used to think that way and honestly believed it to be so. But I kinda found myself taking back those words at one point and began to believe that such thing could really exist in this world. I never thought it could be possible either…

Not until I was able to capture a child’s heart.

Two hearts, actually. The hearts of my elder brother’s kids, my nephews.

For some reason totally unknown to me and my whole family, I seem to have captured the hearts of these two little boys, and they, in turn, have given me such boundless love and affection – something I can’t ever remember asking from them. Sure, they’re naturally sweet and affectionate kids who never get embarrassed to show their affection for the people they care about. But it seems that among the people that exist in their little worlds, Auntie Kei had become their most favorite person (well, next to Mommy) in this whole wide world.

Mommy and Auntie Kei are the prettiest and sexiest girls in their lives (I did not coach them!), Auntie Kei is always included in their nightly prayers (even to their parents’ surprise considering I don’t see them or get to talk to them everyday), and Fridays had always been a treat to them because they know they would get to see Auntie Kei come Saturday morning.

My sister-in-law would often text me, “Are you coming home (my mom’s home in the suburbs) this weekend? The boys are asking for you.” And whenever I get those kinda news, I just know that I have to go home even when I have planned not to just to be able to catch up on my work. Ahhh… to h*ll with work, I would often tell myself, I wanna see my boys. And ditching work (and further backlogs as a result) just to spend one weekend with the two boys has always been well worth it.

I always get different kinds of heart-warming welcome from them. *Sigh* Their squeals of delight as they call my name could be heard in the entire neighborhood as soon as one of them sees me entering the gate of my mother’s house. And I always know I would soon be greeted by one of them jumping up to me and wrapping those skinny arms around my neck while proudly announcing, “I’m a baby koala bear!!!”  The other one, meanwhile, would immediately hang on to my thigh and say, “And I’m a sloth!”

And poor me, would always end up struggling to keep my balance in my high heel shoes as I try to keep all of us from turning into a hilarious sight should we all fall together in one big heap.

Yeah… It’s always such a treat to be welcomed by them.

I remember one Friday night I decided to go home to my mother’s place, I received a text message from my brother. “Where are you now?”  he then asked.

I always get irritated whenever he asks me that coz most often than not, it meant he’s waiting for me because he has a favor to ask. It was almost midnight then and tired from work and from the drive, requests for favors from anybody was a sure guarantee of going to bed irritated. So, my disrespectful response was, “Still a good 20 minutes away. Why? What do you need this time?” 

And immediately felt contrite when he replied, “You fool! What kind of question is that? I’m asking you because we couldn’t leave mother’s place to go home because the boys are waiting for you. They refuse to go home and insisted on staying here when they learned you’re arriving tonight!!”  And sure enough when I got home at past midnight, my two nephews were waiting for me and just wanted to welcome me home. And my brother’s whole family immediately left afterwards. The boys just wanted to give me their welcome hugs, kisses, and their short reports about what happened to them during the whole week. And then left. 

I always feel special when I’m around my two nephews. Well, who wouldn’t be? Both would vie for my attention, even when their other Aunties (my two other sisters) are around, sometimes even getting into fights against each other over who gets to sit beside Auntie Kei at the dinner table. And my brother always had to resort with an irritated, “Just stay in the middle of these two boys so we can finally eat.”

There were also times that they would fight as to who gets to talk to Auntie Kei first whenever I call them up  that I had to ask my sister-in-law to just put them on speaker phone so I could talk to the both of them at the same time.

I really have no idea what I did to make them this fond of me. Honestly. My mother would often ask, “What kind of potion did you give these two? They’re always asking for you and no one else!” Actually, I have been asking myself that question as I can’t believe it either.

For one, I don’t shower them with presents or money or any of those material things. – I sometimes even fail to buy them birthday presents simply because I have no time to shop for one. Second, I’ve never been the “motherly” type and had often asked myself if I will be a good mother. Well, anybody who knows me well enough would know better than to ask me to babysit their kids.

I remember a few years back when I started to notice their growing preference for me over my two other sisters, I felt a bit uneasy over their obvious bias. Though I felt flattered that they liked me better than my two other sisters, I couldn’t help but get overwhelmed by the attention and affection they were starting to give me… I don’t know, I guess I felt as if I didn’t deserve them at all considering the kind of person I was…

But I soon learned that there are just some things in this world that we should no longer question or rationalize or doubt. That there are, indeed, some things which can be possibly offered to you wholeheartedly without ulterior motives, without anything in exchange, and without any conditions set if you take them.

They are being offered simply because it is in their nature to give. Because they see something in you – something the others nor you, yourself, cannot see – and they feel you’re worthy enough to receive whatever they have to offer. And they don’t care who you were in the past nor do they care what you will be in the future… What they care about is that “you” right now. Because that’s what they see right now.

Yeah, I soon learned that when a child gives you his or her heart, it is being offered without conditions, without discrimination, and without any expectations. And that all you have to do is to accept everything they offer you.

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One Saturday I was with the boys, I could feel the telltale signs that I was soon gonna pull my hair out strand by strand in my frustration over their rowdiness. And I almost went limp in my relief when my brother shouted, “Ey, you two! Nap Time!”

I knew from experience that both kids would never let me out of their sights and would refuse to take a nap if I wasn’t with them. And “Nap Time” as our next activity was such music to my ears at that moment and would prefer it any time of the day than playing whatever kind of game they were starting to concoct for me. Unfortunately, I kinda forgot how rowdy these boys could also get before they exhaust themselves to sleep – I had to fend off their playfulness, had to answer all of their questions, had to exercise patience over their curiosity which included the younger one poking my breast and asking, “What’s that?” and with me shouting, “Little boy!!! That’s not a push button!!!! Now, BEHAVE!!!”

But when they started playing on my face, with the older one forcing my right open and asking his usual question, “Why are your eyes brown?” while the younger one started pulling the corner of my left eye and saying, “You’re a pretty Chinese…”

Aaarrgggh!!! I really had to shout, “LITTLE BOYS!!!! IF THE TWO OF YOU WILL NOT STOP PLAYING, I WILL LEAAAVVVEEE!!!!”

I guess that threat worked. Because after their dramatic squeals of “Noooo!!! Please don’t gooooo!!! We love youuuuu!!!” they finally quit playing and decided to quiet down. Alas, after several more minutes of squirming, tossing and tossing and turning around the big bed, the two finally found their comfortable sleeping positions – but not too comfortable for me though. The little one ended up using my tummy as a pillow for his head while the older one’s arm and leg was thrown over and draped over my left thigh. I knew right then and there that I would be incredibly stiff when I wake up from our nap.

Just when we were finally slipping into oblivion, I heard my younger nephew call out to me, “Auntie Kei…?”

Oh Lord… Don’t tell me we’re going to have another one of this Twenty Questions… “Yes?” I responded with all the patience I could muster.

“When I grow up…” he continued on.

Geez... Not Twenty Questions, but the “When I Grow Up Story.”

Indeed, it was one of their “When I Grow Up” stories. But this version was surprisingly different from all the “When I Grow Up” stories that we concocted before.  Something that surprised me and at the same time rendered me speechless.

“…when I grow up, you don’t have to worry because I will be your boyfriend.”

And I just had to smile when I heard the older one’s sleepy voice concur, “Me too…” 

I think they heard my argument with my mother a few weeks back about love and commitment and of how I said that I no longer want to be in a relationship because I don’t want to undergo and carry the responsibilities of one once again. My mother then had walked out on me while giving “The Sermon” about how I will regret my decision when the time comes that I just find myself alone and without anybody to share my life with.

But I guess my nephews already solved that problem for me.  “You are already my boyfriends…” I answered sleepily before slipping into that sweet oblivion.

Yeah… I know that there will come a time when their love and affection will wane over time when these boys transform into men…
That in a few years, they would no longer be this sweet and affectionate towards me…
That soon, they will start getting embarrassed whenever I hug or kiss them in public…
That though their affection for me will always remain, the time will come when that affection will no longer be shown to me…
And I will no longer be allowed to show them mine…

But as long as they still give them to me freely and without restraint today and within the next few years, I will continue to accept and welcome what my two little boys wholeheartedly give me.

And I now know that that’s all they want from me – just to accept what they want to give. Nothing more, nothing less. Just to accept.

It will always remain a big mystery to me as to how I was able to capture my nephews’ hearts. Perhaps, I will never know. But I do know that by accepting the gift of love and affection, they have entered my own heart and have secured their respective places firmly inside there. And that place will be reserved only for them for a long, long time.

Yeah, when you have captured a child’s heart, they will surely capture your heart as well.

Just like how my two little boys captured mine.