Caravan (WIP)

CARAVAN

Associated with Robert Bensema, Ryan Casto, Sara Walters, Anthony Michaud, Andrew Sappington and Justin Shields

Chapter 1.

I felt the adrenaline in my feet, arms and ears. Deep within me I can feel the pulse of heartbeats and thoughts in the other room. Room? I smell the ovens cooking the dinner for the hundreds of people we were entertaining tonight. I feel a rush of wind and hear a crash of thunder come from behind me and I laugh to myself. Donovan is having fun tonight with his jumps. The music that filters in vaguely from the main tent is fun and Jesse is coiling herself around my arm.

My fanfare begins to play, and I walk three steps. Three steps and I disappear. "MEREDITH CRAWLOR... THE TATTOED WOMAN WHO CAN DIVINE YOUR PAST, AND YOUR FUTURE!"

I reappear in swirls of blue and gold, the center of the ring. Jesse is tight on my arm, waiting for the right moment to reappear as a solid animal for the crowd. I speak my bit, sway my hips so my costume hugs myself and twirls in a mysterious ways that make this dumb group of people wonder what exactly lies beyond the mountains of the east. It's time to figure out who is my first target, and the man sitting in the second row, missing two front teeth, is perfect.

Portly belly and yellowed teeth. Expensive shirt, but the hem along the bottom is of twine. His hair is a ruddy mess, and his hands are not callused enough to afford his lifestyle. This must be a political figure.  I wonder what secrets his soul holds? Every Tuesday he goes to a race to win money on the rigged races.... good thing his wife is home with their child, isn't it? it says.

"The spirits are speaking to me already! Someone in your midst.. a he... yes, a man! HE enjoys... those sweet muffins! No, sorry, not you sir... your girth is not nearly large enough!" The crowd is in awe as they look amongst themselves.  I spin around dramatically, my hand over my eyes pointing around frantically until I stop dead on the man, with Jesse coiling back into existence.

A woman screams, and there are gasps all around. I open my eyes and see the fat man looking at me with disgusted interest.

"You! Yes, yes it is you... I am getting a J." He looks around at everyone in the crowd, thinking someone had given him away to me. Oh, your wisdom is so low... I continue with my ditty, enjoying every second of it and have him crying by the end of it. I bow to the applauding crowd, having Jesse collect the silver pieces being flung at me in a small bag. I take my three steps, moving in a circle and clap my hands above my head, disappearing in the blue and gold once again until I'm out of the light and under the stage. Ella is down below with me, collecting the money I have earned.

"You keep on doing that thing with the snake and someone might suspect we aren't natural!" Ella, the cute little gnome lute-player who always has a way with words, stashed the little sack into the box we keep under our big top. "I have to say, I like what you're doing with the exit, it's getting more gold than just walking off."

"I figured it would be a good idea, little one. Better get topside soon." I smiled at her. Gnomes weren't all too common in this area of the world anymore. In fact, I hadn't seen very many until she joined our circus. Curious little things.

I made my way upstairs and out the back door, and headed toward the kitchen coach. I bumped into Zalnitarious as I got to the wagon circle, he was carrying a few armloads worth of firewood. He's always been the oddest of the bunch, not a moment passes when he isn't on fire... and if he ever gets put out he goes into a rage. Funniest thing too, I can swear that I've seen him change colors.

Zal and I exchanged pleasantries and I continued towards dinner. Finn was leaning off the side of the food cart, ladle in one hand, twirling the hair of what I guessed to be a local girl... no, no, it was a boy, just a slender one. I caught the last part of the conversation.

"Oh, you are just so beautiful! I would love you to come to my table. Yes, please. You must." The young man blushed, looked around awkwardly, whispered an answer into his ear, and then sauntered off. I walked up next to the window and laughed quietly.

"Finn, you won't ever get past the trousers of one of these backwater boys. Wait until the big cities or you'll just get your hopes up for no reason." I grabbed a bowl and motioned toward the big cauldron bubbling that didn't smell terribly of beef.

"But the boys... even the girls! They are both just so beautiful. All of them, almost everywhere we go!" He held up his hands in distress, his hair changing from watermelon pink and green to a more depressed tone before leaning back on the ledge, ladling a good portion of the worker's dinner. "Merry, your life is just too easy.. you do not fall for anyone so easily! But I, I need them all... I need too much."

"Don't worry Finn, maybe some day we'll get you a nice boy for you to settle down with." Finn rolled his eyes at me, and then started looking dreamily off into the distance at Zal as he leaned over to start the camp's bonfire.

"You know," Finn started, "I've been noticing lately how well those leather pants fit on Zal, the way they hug his thighs..." I noticed a little bit of drool on Finni's lips. "But more than anything else, I've been wondering who can best hug those succulent legs of his... the pants, or me?..." Finn continued smiling and waved me off, going back to playing with some of his contraptions, adjusting his hair and cleaning off parts of his face from the grime that comes with cooking duty.

I can hear laughs and the dull rings of music coming from the tent, the few blasts of air going through the crowd pushing the door open for a few seconds. The fence near the area our tent is set up is lined by a few fallen trees, and I sit down to eat my dinner. It's generally quiet now that I'm farther away from the hustle.

I feel the wind blow a bit more and the last of the clouds in the night sky dissipate. The moon is big on the Western side of the continent. I let my thoughts drift a bit, pulling a knee up under my chin and looking at the reflection of the moon in a puddle that had formed from the last night's rains.

The world here is so much colder than where I began. So much bleaker. There isn't any blinding heat, and no threat of death... life everywhere, even in the summer. But the winters freeze over. It seems vaguely familiar, but for some reason I can't bring myself to remember where it had been that I had felt the winter chill. The world then was so alien to me.. indeed, it's still alien. I can sense in myself that there is something terribly wrong with me. Something beyond Khaeleth and the eyes. The secrets I had gained access to were something unique to this life. But when we would visit the churches, an act of good faith on the part of our carnival, there was something familiar about them, but not all together comforting.

Donovan plops down on my right side, crossing his legs and cracking his knees in the process. He grins and makes the funny face he does when he does something he knows will bug me. I had known Donovan the longest out of the rest of my fellow carnies.

"Well lass! What're ye doin' all by y'self?" He always tended to slip into this weird accent whenever he was concerned for someone, or putting on a show... sometimes it was hard to tell. 

"Oh nothing," I shrugged. "I've never gotten used to these cold winters."

"No worries, Merry, ye won 'ave te once we move te the south in a few days." He looked towards the simmering pot. "An what 'ave we here... Bah! Stew again. Did Finni make this?" He gave me a one-eyed look, before shoveling a large spoonful of the stew into his mouth.  I rubbed my shoulders and looked up at the moon before giggling at the site of seeing Finnegan chasing after another set of boys.

"You'd think he would'ave learned by now that he won't find a filly that'll go to bed with him in one of these shanty towns," Donovan said, finishing the last of the stew. The look on his face seemed elsewhere than on the idea of Finnegan. My head was also. I looked at him thinking about what to say, and there was a bit of silence while I finished my own food.

"You'd also think that our bosses would give us a bit more information on what our futures held than just 'Eat here, walk there'," he mused, dropping the showman's voice. I had known Donovan since I arrived here, and still there were times I thought he was holding out on me when we would speak. Donovan put his bowl down below him and leaned back on his rock, his gaze turning to the stars.

"Simplicity is a nice thing. It's nice when you aren't driven out of town for supposedly cursing a crop, or being wicked. When you are only spending a few days in any given town, you can relax yourself and not worry about people seeing you as a freak. When you work in a circus, well... no one questions why things are. They will accept that they are only well placed tricks of perception." He closed his eyes and smiled. "We know it's not a mystery, but they don't and that's all I care about."

Simplicity. It was the same for everyone else I had talked to... no questions about who you were, where you came from. None even about what you were. There was more silence and I could hear the slow exit of the crowd. It must have been midnight. Slowly a few more people began coming over; Ella weary-eyed. Zalnitarius, the Genasi fire-soul with the strength of a bear, and Finnegan. Frank came not long after clutching one of his pads of paper, carefully drawing Finnegan in one of his many states. Before long our mentors, Varen, Daelus and Shade, came and sat by the fire. Patrick made the biggest entrance with a bang. He was Frank's mentor. We slowly ate our dinner and talked loudly, but before long Varen wanted to speak with us and everyone quieted down.

The show had been a blinding success. We had enough money to tide us over financially for a few months, leaving us free to travel. Everyone had been excellent the last few weeks, and they were proud of us. They wanted to speak with us individually later.. Donovan to Varen, Ella to Daelus and I to Shade.

Shade was an older man of about sixty. His hair had all but disappeared from his head, but where it was gone was replaced by silvered markings swirling around it. His left eye was all but blind... but it had a slight glow from it. He was like me in some respects. He too had made a promise in order to gain power. I was to meet him later that night in his tent.

It was about seven songs later and three deep mugs of mead before I walked to his tent. There was candlelight coming from beyond the flap, with a few dots of color pouring out. I knocked on one of the barrels outside of his tent with my foot.

"What? Oh! Yes. Come in." His voice was scruffy and thick with booze. Inside were his usual toys.. a crystal ball filled with a light colored smoke. The air smelt of thick incense and the books splayed open across his cot. He was sitting at a small makeshift desk with his monocle in his good eye and had some sort of green energy swirling around his hand. "AH Yes.. this will do nicely. Evening, Merry."

"Evening," I said and cleared a spot on his cot and sat down. "What did you want to talk to me about?" Shade was turning a small silver spoon around in his hand and looked at his reflection in it carefully before suspending it above him for a moment before setting it on his table.

"Well.. as you can tell, I am quite old." He hadn't turned to me yet and was still looking at the spoon. He heaved a mix between a cough and a sigh and turned, his face heavy with some sort of deep emotion. "Much too old to be traveling around with a bunch of vibrant people."

"What are you talking about? You aren't much older than I am, are you?" I grinned at him and he smiled in return, hooking his thumbs under his suspenders. "But seriously Shade, there can't be anything beyond our group worth pursuing is there?"

"Ah, but I have been doing this for many years, Merry. You've been here how long, four or five years? And how old are you in this reincarnation?" He leaned back and closed his eyes taking a deep breath. "Meredith, you know I'm nearing my time. The deal I made can't last forever."

That was something that had brought us together when I first became a part of the circus. I had made a deal to get my power. I had seen something during those days in the desert. It never fully revealed itself to me. It seemed familiar but too distant. I can remember what it told me however.

Stand up. Don't just lie down and take what the world is giving you. You are above this! Stand up and I can give you more power than you could possibly desire.

I can't.

No, you won't. Stand up and show me that you can survive.

But the heat... I can't see.

I can be your eyes. Just trust me. Now stand up.

Shade was looking at me intently before he rustled around in one of the boxes he had open. He threw out a few books, and a piece of cloth and threw me something small. It was scrawled in something I wasn't familiar with, but I could tell there was different versions of the same word along the cover. It was heavy in my hands and I could feel something powerful in it. Magic was pouring out of every nook and cranny that was exposed in this book.

"A dear friend of mine gave that to me when I was young. It has everything in it you need to learn the languages necessary to survive around here," Shade came over to me and opened the book, running his finger above one of the lines that was in a language I could read. "Primordial.. Elvish.. even some of the languages of the Underdark.. yes it exists, don't look at me like that.. they're all written here. Their grammatical rules and phonetic sounds."

"Did you use it to learn those languages, too?" I ran my finger under one of the lines marked Celestial, the letters forming beneath my finger in sparkling whisps of script. I felt myself making the connections in my brain of what all the words were and how they sounded rolling off the tongue.

"I never used it." Shade was quiet as he sat back down on his stool. "In fact, I never opened it before tonight. I guess I knew it would have a better owner worth it's weight by the time I felt like opening it."

The book seemed familiar to me, but I didn't know what to make of it. I stashed it away into my pack and had a brief conversation with him before retiring to my tent and turning in for the night. We were due to arrive on a large city in the next few days, so we were to leave early that morning. Something about this next town sounded important. Maybe it was all the people intimidating me, or maybe it was just the idea of a big payout. It was probably the money.

<b>Chapter 2.</b>

When we woke up the next morning, our mentors were already awake and standing by the caravans. Some of the hired hands were helping us pack, and others were just now also waking up. I noticed that a lot of my friends probably were in the same boat that I was; our mentors were leaving their jobs to us, and will be traveling with us to the biggest city before they depart. Donovan was standing by Varen, laughing heartily about something terribly funny and Zal's fire was bleeding a bit differently today from his pores. Instead of the usual deep purples or reds that would come out in little spouts, it was blue and green. Finnegan took on the appearance of a timid little man, and Ella seemed a mix between sad and deep in thought. Frank was doodling the sunrise, using yellow and green for the sun.

As I walked over to them, Frank jumped and something caught on fire. It was quickly put out by Finnegan, who just so happened to have a bucket of water near him. Everyone had some sort of trinket they were given from their mentors, who had all said the same thing. Everyone was retiring, and the circus was going to be left to us.

After people said their goodbyes, we managed to keep our faces straight during the long road that day to the big city. The tent had been packed that morning into three carts, the first one pulled by two zebras, the second by a donkey and a rhinoceros, and the third by two horses. Various carts followed carrying food, pots, pans, sometimes a person playing an instrument. The carts held all of our belongings, our entire lives, and the place we were heading to our livelihood.

I felt at peace on the road, continuing over small hills and through dense conifer forests. Over the course of a few days we traveled through a bit of rain and had a few cloudy days. It was the beginning of August, so the heat was pretty dry. The areas we were traveling through, aside from the bogs or marshes, were quite arid.

When we reached the city, we set up our base tents just outside the main walls. Frank was busy sketching the horizon, as it was reaching about sunset and everyone else was working on getting our 'little houses' up. Once I had my tent up, I retreated inside for about an hour, lying down and thinking about the day ahead. It was going to be an interesting one at the very least. I was woken up by Frank knocking on the pole outside my tent.

"Crawlooorrr, they're leaving!" His voice sounded like he was going to cry, so I carefully lifted the tent. I was hoping he was just being melodramatic. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Frank was wearing a rainbow-colored shirt, which he had called "tie-dyed" whatever that means, and sobbing. "Oh hush, come on. It's not going to be that bad," I said, woefully putting my arm around him while I walked over towards the rest of our friends and mentors, who had packed up their belongings and were looking anxious to leave. "It's not like they'll be gone forever, right?" I smiled and propped him up and a smile broke through his tear-soaked face.

"I just love these guys so muuuch." About then I started to ignore what he was doing out of respect. Obviously he was a bit distraught over them leaving. I noticed that Varen had pulled Donovan aside and was talking to him intently before they hugged and he returned to us. Donovan seemed to be a mix of confused and a bit put-off before he came back, still cheery albeit a bit less. Frank was clinging to his mentor, who was also crying. He was able to keep his sniffles at bay long enough, after we promised to get him a new pad of paper, to bid our friends & teachers good bye as they set off for their families in the city. The circus was officially ours.

After a while I was able to get Donovan alone long enough to ask him about the conversation. I had slightly cornered him near the food cart, and was leaning against it when he walked by.

"So are we just going to keep what Varen told you between us, or do I have to divine what he told you?" I smiled, knowing I would at least tweak a nerve. I had used it before in play, and had never asked any of my "spirits" for the answers to those questions. But what he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right?

Donovan jumped slightly when I began talking, and then settled down and laughed. "I was going to tell you as soon as I could, but it's kind of hard when Finnegan is trying to "fork" me on the table." I looked around and noticed Finn with his watermelon hair running around shirtless, saying something about approval and desperate has nothing to do with it. It made me laugh and then Donovan stopped me, pointing to the food cart to get in. The door was still closed on the opposite side, and we could talk privately.

Once inside he sat on the counter and crossing his legs, picking through the fruit that was in a bowl on the side, choosing an orange and began to peel it. "Anyway, Varen told me that we might want to talk to one of the bookstore owners in the city. He didn't specify why, but he said it had something to do with Ella and that it is up to us if we want to let her know."

"Obviously it's important, right? Otherwise he would have just told Ella. Why would it matter to you?" I picked a small cluster of grapes and pulled one off the vine, popping it in my mouth. We never did an official lunch time the first day in the city, because most people wandered around and spent their pay on new clothes or something frivolous.

"Well," he said half grinning, half sucking the juice out of the rind. "It might be something to do with our powers. He said it was run by a person of the Ella stature, but also that he might be able to answer some questions that we have." I nodded and ate a few more grapes before putting the cluster back, full side up.

"That sounds worth checking out at least." I was interested in it, and after a while we left the rolling kitchen and went our separate ways. We were both going into the city, but he headed straight for the heart of it, while I lumbered around the outside of it, looking at the street vendors and the small hole-in-the-wall shops with mild interest. Two hours in, I felt a tug on the back of my sleeve and spun around. There was a man, looking intently at me before thrusting an envelope into my hand. He grunted and then turned away from me, disappearing into the crowd. I opened it and read what was inside.

To whom it may concern..
I've been looking around town for you. If you could, please come to the bookshop on the corner of Cherry by the temple. I might have something you're interested in.

It wasn't signed, but there was only one temple in the city. I had enough of an idea from the landmarks of where I needed to go, so I started towards it. It took me about a half hour before I reached the tiny bookshop, and was able to figure out where the knocker was on the door.

The door wasn't opened immediately. After I knocked, I heard the sound of something dull and possibly fleshy hit the ground. There was a bit of other violent sounds in the background and then the sound of keys in locks covered the door until it swung open a bit. I looked inside but didn't see who could possibly be there. I then felt the tug on my leg and heard a slightly small voice.

"May I help you?" Brightly colored hair, a pointed face and a set of vaguely fairy-esque eyes looked up at me in annoyance. Behind him I could see stacks and stacks of books and a small chair sitting precariously on top of larger texts and what looked like the holy book of Pelor.

"Oh, yes! I got a message to come here, see." I handed the creature the note and instantly his demeanor changed. Excitedly he pulled me into the room and shut the door, climbing up to lock the several locks on the door. The thing seemed quite odd. His limbs were foreshortened and he looked about an inch taller than Ella.

"Come in, come in come in. We can't have them seeing us together in a place like this." His eyes jolted from one side of the window to the other, pulling a cord that shut the drapes of his little book store. Now inside, I could look around a bit more and noticed that there was also a lot of food between stacks of books. Moldy bread by a copy of something called Alice, and there was a few pieces of stagnant beef lying on the floor under the only cleared table in the room. On the table there was a few drawings and old pieces of parchment with strange drawings on them, something that looked like the world but intersected with another world. Both had strange writing between sepia-toned lines, with some letters or symbols highlighted in an almost blood color. I took a step closer to try and discern what was written on the paper, but the small man noticed me and jumped onto the table, pulling a blank piece of parchment on top of the strange drawing.

"Private! Maybe in time, but not now! Now, you sit," he said loudly, crossing his arms and almost knocking over a lamp in the process. I looked around for a chair but before I could find one, I felt something hit the back of my knees and was knocked backwards. "Sit! And listen.

"I'm sorry that we had to meet like this. You have to understand, in my line of business I have to be careful.. indeed we all have to be careful nowadays because of history." His eyes rolled around in his head and he seemed to contemplate his next words before saying slowly, "I.. am like you, in a way. And like Donovan and Zalnitarious." How could he be like us? Not only was he vertically challenged, but he seemed scatterbrained. I sat waiting for his words but he seemed distracted, looking past my left shoulder towards the old books.

"I'm sorry? I got your note and figured you would at least like to meet me, but.. I'm afraid I don't quite follow what you're saying." I cocked and eyebrow and pulled my gauntlet a bit tighter around my wrist, fiddling with the clasps and frayed end of the leather bounding. The male.. thing startled and laughed, seeming to ease up a bit.

"Oh! I'm so so sorry... I seem to lose my mind too often these days. My name is Balin, I am a Gnome.. I happen to be Ella's brother, but I doubt she remembers me after the accident." Wait. Ella? Our tiny hobbit folk? Impossible. I guess my face must have reflected the amount of shock, because he stepped closer to pat my shoulder. "Yes, scary, I know... Gnomes are dead, and Ella just popped out of the ground one day, yes. But I've already spoken with Donovan about the situation and he and Frank have already agreed to help me in what I need to do.

"You see, Meredith.. yes I do know your name, close your mouth and listen, you currently look like a giraffe. See, I have an issue that I'm sure you could help me with, given your... abilities. The book your mentor gave you before he left was a big part of your development, since it gave you the ability to understand a few of the languages not necessarily known or circulated." Balin seemed to know more about my every day life then I knew about raising puppies. He also knew about my powers.. all of ours. I had to ask more.

"What do you mean, my abilities? I don't know what you are talking about.." I pulled the sleeve of my cloak over my opposite arm, adjusting myself while keeping my gaze steady on him. Balin sighed and jumped down, pulling my sleeve over enough to reveal the head of Jesse on my skin, his body curling up on my arm. I flushed a bit in fear and hung my head. Balin was barely able to pat my head and sat on the edge of the desk.

"I mean that we aren't like most people," He slowly closed his eyes and then pointed at a stack of books, his palm open and moving towards the ceiling. The books floated slowly upward and then fell down to their stack after a minute. "Not only that, but most 'normal' people can't handle having a tattoo like that, since it requires a large amount of concentration and personal effort to control a familiar." He sighed and began tinkering with a small contraption. "Alas, we have more important things to discuss. If you could follow me we can start focusing on the problem at hand."

We weren't alone, after all. For the first time since I had come into being, I felt like I wasn't going to be lost to history. I followed Balin to the back room where the books were in tightly packed stacks on the floor and clambered over them awkwardly. He pulled a book from the wall slightly and moved it back, and stepped aside as part of the book case pulled open and revealed a corridor lit by strange water dripping in little basins from the walls. I could see candlelight flickering from beyond the end and the sound of pages rippling through fingers.

"One of your friends is already thumbing through my collection. We'll talk after... you might even find something you'd like to keep." Balin smiled and then gently closed part of the door, leaving just a crack open enough so the natural light peeped towards me. I made my way down the hall and saw that Zal was already sitting there, his fiery hair flickering faintly as he moved his hand over the rough pages of a large leather-bound book. Around him there were similar books, all in different colors and the same was said of the walls. Some of the titles on the spines were illegible to me, and I couldn't tell if they were even words. I sat down to take in the sight and Zal looked up.

"Merry, there's stuff about my history in here. About people like.. me," he said, his eyes a bit glazed over from the scrunched up words he had been reading on his current page. "Some of them are exactly like me, but some aren't just aligned with fire... there's a water one!" His hand thumbed back a few pages and he showed me one of the pages from the book he was reading. There was a girl drawn out elegantly, with words and information in flowing text. She had similar markings to Zal, but hers were much more fluid. The image on the page seemed to almost shimmer when I saw the girl flip her hair back.

"OH!" I exclaimed, surprised. As I watched the girl slowly push her hair out of her face and smile at me, she went back to sitting how she had been. I could see the covers of the books were slightly moving as well, and realized that this entire library was literally magical - and just why Balin said I might find something useful to me.

I must have spent an hour in there, looking at everything and reading. I learned about this history of the world and how magic used to be common, until it was locked away by powers that even the books couldn't describe. I read how the world went through several ages to regain the grandeur it once had, and also how it learned to do it's tricks without the aid of a wizard or warlock.

When Balin returned to the room, Zal had long since left. He climbed onto a table and sat on a small stack of books before interrupting my reading. "I suppose you found the history book," he said, kicking the book that sat upside down on a chair to the floor. "I think that book isn't exactly what you should be reading if you want the truth about why I need your help."

Chapter 3

I returned that night a bit confused. He had given me a bit of advice before I finally left for our camp just outside the city. "The world nowadays is a cold and cruel place. Being who we are, we can make it lighter and warmer... but we always have to be careful. Remember your friends when it gets hard, Merry, and stick with them."

When I got back to camp, everyone was a bit quiet. Zal was sitting in the fire, and seemed to be contemplative. Finnegan and Frank seemed to be talking quietly, a surprise for Finni, but what was stranger was how they acted when I finally got into the ring of firelight. I eyed Donny approaching me and motioned for him to follow me to go closer to my tent.

"We need to talk with the others about Balin," he said, his voice low. His hair was pulled back, but a few strands were pushed back behind his ear. I went into my tent and dropped my bag, containing a few stray goods I picked up and traded with what little I had. I came back out and he was looking up at the night sky, his hands on his head. I guess he heard me come out, because he began talking again. "If what we have is something that more people once had... what if it isn't... I mean, what if these powers were forgotten for a reason? You've seen what happens when I lose control of this... affliction. If we gave it to more people, then we'd be unleashing untold destruction upon the world."

"I guess so... but, think what it could do. It might mean you never have to worry about controlling it, it might mean that you could finally master it," the idea intrigued me about our powers, and I knew for Donny it was more of a curse than a blessing for him like it had turned into for me.

Donovan sighed, "At what cost? Nothing comes without a price, you should know that more than anyone, Merry. I would just as soon be rid of these powers and be a normal human being again. But we both know there's no going back, you can't change the past. You can only choose how to move on."

I thought a bit before I said anything. "If moving on means I might be able to at least remember why I was in that situation when I came to, it might at least be worth looking at.. like you said, there's no going back. I just don't feel like we were meant to be circus performers all our lives."

He chuckled and looked me in the eye, "I never thought I'd be in a circus in the first place, but I know that I have a family here. I could care less what we did for money, as long as my family was there with me." Donny looked back towards the sky, almost longingly. "I suppose that's what's most important, isn't it. If the rest of the family wants to go.. what right have I to stop them? But I stand by my caution: if we open these... seals, we'll be responsible for what happens afterward."

I hadn't liked what Balin asked my comrades and I to do. Four secret areas across the continent that contained the deepest secrets of what our powers could truly do. Unlock Ella's memories, give Zal a connection to his peoples history and bring more control to Donovan's powers. Frank would get the visit to the library of his dreams and Finni would never have to look normal again. For me he said there would be an explanation for why I was alone in the beginning, and the option of having my skin changed to what it was supposed to be. Everyone else seemed to have been baited with a big playing card. For me it was as if I was a side thought. Why would I risk my life to be a side thought?

"I know it would mean a lot to the rest of them if they got their answers," I sighed and explained, my voice faltering at times. I was almost shaking with anger knowing everyone else would get their answers, leaving mine in the dust, even Jesse could feel it. "From what Balin told me, everyone else has something they're interested in being offered to them. For me it's just... there I know they want to go, but I don't know. It's a new path, and I feel like right now it might prove interesting... the mess we might have to clean up from opening the seals just might be worth it."

In explaining what Balin had said to me, I had moved to the outskirts of our camp. The sky was cloudy but there was a reflection of the landscape on the lake near the city. The noises had finally died down a bit and there was enough stillness in the air to hear the sounds of the bits of grasslands surrounding the city.

"If you're sure, Merry.." Donovan put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. His palm was hot and suddenly I sensed him move close behind me and run a hand through my hair. I could feel his hand shudder on my shoulder, his fingers soft on the opposite end of my collarbone and so dangerously close to my neck. I felt my skin tingle and stepped away, my face flushing. Donovan's hand lingered a bit before it dropped off and I heard him exhale sharply.

"We might as well talk to them now." I remarked. I felt away from myself and looked back. His face was vaguely soft and he seemed a bit taken aback, before moving past me. He seemed to be stressed or on edge... I guess there was more bugging him then I had guessed. I walked towards the fire and and leaned on a pole of a tent near the fire. I waited for Donovan to start, but he instead sat down. It looked like I was going to have to take charge.

"I think we all know what we're going to have to do. I think I'm right when I guess that everyone spoke with Balin today," I looked around the fire and didn't hear anything different. Everyone had gathered by now and was sitting; Frank close to the fire with his hands under his legs, looking calm. Finnegan and Zal were sitting on the opposite side and Zal was, for once not under full flame. Donovan had sat down directly across from me.

"I know we were all offered something that mattered deeply to us... our histories. Answers. To not be considered a freak by society's standards outside of a circus." I felt disconnected from everything I was saying. It wasn't my spot to be saying it, it was Donovan's. But he had stayed quiet. "The travels would bring us around the world, close to our schedule aside from the journey into the Desert. Our two month break would have to be spent away from the caravan and on our own going through it with little to know idea what we were doing... I might be able to scout out the oasis ahead but it would be a challenge.

"We would be leaving our family for the next two months, and meet them in Digern in time for the last leg of the journey to our grounds." I looked down and then moved forward, crossing my arms. "I will follow whoever decides to leave to begin this." Glancing around, I saw everyone thinking, then slowly Finnegan stood up.

"I'm going." His face was slightly solemn, and his hair had taken a more muted color. Zal stood up next, followed by Frank and Ella. I saw Donovan staring at me across the slowly dying fire and saw his eyes. He seemed to be anxious and nodded towards me before standing up.

"Alright. We'll leave in the morning."

- - - - - - - - -

The morning crept up slowly, the frost from the night leaving a dew as the sun touched on the tips of dried grass and brush. The patches of green seemed muted even in the clear light. I stepped out of my tent and headed towards the lake, like every morning, to do what Donovan called breathing. It was really stretching, but whatever he called it didn't matter to me. I hoped I wouldn't see him just this once, hoping that I could spend my time in the early spring morning alone with my thoughts.

I couldn't believe what happened yesterday, and waking up today I had hoped that were hadn't reached the city and that it had been a dream. Balin was this bizarre character... had it really happened? I kept my eyes closed as I moved from one stance to another, breathing deep the crisp air. As I came back up, I felt something warm near me and opened my eyes. Donovan was ten feet away from me, matching my pose but with his eyes closed and relaxed. I felt my chest tense up and face tighten.

Relax. Breathe. Just continue.

I wanted to either yell at him for being there... but how could I get angry at him doing that? He was always there. When I was worried about frivolous things, he'd be there to remind me that it was alright to worry. No, I need to clear my mind... or else I won't feel better.

I finished my exercise and moved towards the lake and washed my face. I saw Donovan's reflection in the water before I saw him. I started at first because I wasn't expecting him to stay after and after that, I paid him no mind. As I washed myself slightly, he did the same and still neither of us said anything. I felt better after stepping into the water a bit, just enough for my toes to sink into the sandy bottom of the lake near the shore and calmed down. There was nothing wrong. We have to get supplies in the city today, and then we leave.

As I left the lake, Donovan stopped me. He looked a bit guilty and shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers before speaking. "I am sorry about last night. I.. don't want it to be taken the wrong way." I felt awkward standing before him partially damp from the water.

"It's fine.." my voice was small and I felt timid standing before him. He had taken his hair out of the ponytail and it was falling across his face. It felt eery seeing him like this, even though it wasn't an uncommon thing. We had known each other for a while now and I thought we were just friends. Maybe something else was there that I had never noticed before, but it was something I was scared of right now. "I'll see you back in the camp."

Continuing on to the camp, I noticed Frank was already up and drawing out the sunrise. Dawn had come and gone, and the smell of breakfast was just starting up near the food cart. I could see Frank already had his bag sitting outside of his tent - his bedroll and a few books were sticking out of it. I wandered over to my tent and began to pack what few things I had.

I honestly didn't have much, either. I had my bedroll, the book Shade had given me and a few various things I had picked up in my travels. There was an extra set of clothes and a warmer blanket and I had a small dagger I had got in the mountain city. I stared long and hard at it and bit my lip, before tying it to my hip. For once we would have to defend ourselves. I was scared.

I shoved my pack onto my back and stepped outside. It was about an hour later and most everyone was more awake now. Something dark and aromatic flavored the air near the fire, and the smell of food hugged my senses as I realized I was starving. I sat next to Finnegan and dropped my pack behind me, before accepting a bowl and being served eggs and fresh fruit. Donovan sat down next to me and I began eating slowly, talking with people quietly about who was taking over whose job.

Our circus had grown since I had first joined - my friends came after I joined and earned their spots, but the only one who was still strangely new was Ella. We had picked up others in our travels, but they took on the more grunt jobs willingly. We had a man join not too long ago who brought with him two large striped horses and a giant bird-like thing. It's eggs were marvelous for breakfast, and it had a habit of going through your clothing bag if it smelled good or clean.

By now, people were saying good byes and were making last minute requests for the condition of their particular goods. I could hear Finni talking about his puppets before finally being dragged off by Zal. It seemed the circus was a little shocked by our leaving, but they seemed apt to take on the extra work of running the circus. I threw my pack onto my back and moved to the edge of our campsite, near the road. Donovan's pack was light, and Zal seemed to be carrying Finni's prized stew pot on his back. Frank and Finni seemed more at ease. I smiled and looked around at everyone. These strange and quirky people had become some of my best friends. No, they were my family.

"Well guys... lets get going, shall we?"