Memories

At 39 years of age, i'm old and ready to die. And here i sit, with paper and ink, where i shall share my memoies to others to read on, once im gone.

Like any other girl, i was the 'normal' one, well so it felt like. I lived in big family, mostly of boys, and believe it or not, i was the only girl. All together i had 8 brothers, i could not know how my mother could cope. Two were younger, Jeremy and John.And my wish was not to remember any of the older ones, since they were never home, or they were the ones who picked on me pretty much in any spare time and whenever they saw me. I felt discrace, unwanted as i already was.

Isaac, the idols to all idols. He was the only one who respected me, and appreciated me for who i was, girl or boy. He was 15, and by farest, my only favoured one. I remember him as the handsom dark haired teenager with the most gorgeous geneticly uncommon green eyes, the one that the girls could never take their eyes off. For father, well what can i say. He felt like the proudest father on earth. And said that boy was too amazing to be wasted on marrige and children. But this didn't stop Issac from the girls, he was a real charmer. And had a date almost every night, but i had to keep that between me and him. I would wait till he came home from one, he would sneak into my room and we would giggle and laugh as he told me everything that happened. Isaac never kissed and telled, whenever i asked him, i had to suffer consequences, BEING TICKLED. And i was the ticklishest ticklish person in the whole world, so i never asked him too often. Besides i was only four. But very intelligent and understood everything Isaac told me.

My mum, she was the lemon bitter bitch. Yes, bitch. Welcomed to my vocabulary when i was four. By my lemon bitter mother. She was the next in line to be voted as the devil, a horrible woman. Is all i remember of her. And my father had to pay the price. Whilst yelling from mouth to mouth i would peek through the small cracks and watch such torture between two uncapable souls. It was sad, since an innoncent man like my father, was forced to spend his last moments with this witch. Some days me and Isaac would sit on the creeky old stairs and listen to the ear peircing voices. For some reason, my name was always mentioned. Mother thought i was a sin, and unholy child and a discarce to the family. Because i was a girl. Tears would always catch me eyes. But Isaac was always with me, and wiped the tears away. He would wrap his arms around me and whisper that im the most beautiful, intelligent girl he knows, that means out of all his girlfriends! that cheered me up all the time. But always ended up being tickled after. He thought it would help bring that smile back to my face faster.
One day it went too far, we sat on the stairs as usual, and i would get upset. Dad was really mad this time and ran out the front door. Without me noticing, Isaac tickled me. And i let out a high pitched scream and pulled away from his grasp. Next thing i remember was the look on his face. I felt a presence behind me, and before i could turn around I felt a sharp burning feeling from the top of my head as i was picked up by my hair. I squinted from the pain and tears ran off my cheeks on the wooden floor boards. I opened then. But came face to face with my mother.
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID LITTLE RAT!" she spat in my face, then threw me on the floor near the wall, i tried to scramble to my feet and get up, but she grabbed my arms, to quick and stong for me to run, i took the hard sting of her slaps on my arms.
"Put her down you fucking whore of a mother" Isaac yelled and came racing to my resuce. Imediently my mother turned on the spot and slaped him hard across the face. It was a blur since it was hard to all proccess. But i remmeber being scooped up in Issacs arms as he ran to my bedroom.
I remember being laid out on my bed, whilst looking down at my bare whit skin now were purple and blue welts covered. I looked at Isaacs face where he sat next to me, my eyes imediently looked at a big red scratch from one side of his face to the other. He looked at me with tears dripping out of his eyes. This was the first time I saw him cry.
Dad discovered how intelligent I had become, and decided to teach me in his spare time. I was good at maths and English, and I was very fond of art. Whilst I was being taught, I noticed other girls my age were suddenly disappearing with no goodbyes, I heard that went to other families, to cook and learn how to do jobs like mothers did. Cook, clean? I didn't know where that came in place for me. It hadn't been mentioned to me at all.
I was studying most of the time, and had no play time with my adored big brother Isaac, while he was also training to be a knight. And, I had to admit i did miss such support. I spent majority of my time caring and looking after both my younger brothers, since mum had no care in the world to look after them. I saw her with other men, and half the time its obvious, but my father seems too blind to realise. I had to keep her cheating a secret. If I told any soul, I was destined to get a beating.
I slightly remember my other brothers, the older ones, saying such things that since i was a women in the making I had to obey every thing they say. I never believed such lies. Women were special, and had to be respected. Since it's what my dad tries hardest with my cold hearted mother. But this was because I kept myself away from the actual truth. I had no idea.
One night, and I actually remember this memory so clear, but now I wish I don't. Since it haunts me. And even to this day, it hurts as much as it did that night. That changed my childhood into a tragedy.
It was one of those nights, where all seemed like nothing could go wrong. Calmly still, quiet and relaxed. I was in my bedroom, awaiting for Isaac to come home, and tell me the date he had that night. I waited, waited, and waited. Till eventually I was that tired and drifted off to sleep without ease. I don't know how long I slept, but I remember being awoken by Isaac. I looked up with weary eyes into his bruised and battered face. It looked awful. His lip was swollen and cut, he had a bruised eye, dry blood lingered on his face. He squeezed me tightly, I could feel him shaking as he held me. Still unable to know what was going on, he said his final words.
"Remember me Lizzie (my nickname that he called me). Don't ever forget that your a special unique girl. And I love you" He whispered in my soft brown hair.
And that was all he said before he kissed me on the cheek and walked out of the room. Confused and in a daze I ran after him, having no idea what to do. But he was to quick and i heard his running footsteps down the stairs, and the bang of the front door. I ran to my bedroom window to find him in the arms of two men. Dragging him effort sly along the dirt. Isaac held his head down. I felt weakness and my knees, till my legs finally gave in and I collapsed to the floor, and silently cried.
After that Isaac never came home for a couple of days.
Once a week me and my dad go into town to do some shopping. As I held my dads hand, we walked down the street, stalls were on either side of us, but it look unusually empty. We walked along silently to find the source of the emptiness. We heard up ahead gasps and yells. There was a group of people standing around the place where ropes hung with loops. I knew this wasn't a very good place to be, but dad continued to walk to the crowd. We pushed past people, as I closed my eyes. Then a man bellowed.
"This young man here! Is a SINER!" He screamed, like the devil in hell. " Sinned is FAMILY! His FRIENDS! His LOVERS! and this TOWN!" He yelled once more.
I covered my ears since it was all to loud for me to take in.
I heard the man take a deep breath before he continued " This Boy" he spat , Made another's man wife in child, now must suffer the consequences. PENALTY! His punishment will be sentenced to death, by hanging!" I heard people whistling and cheering, other gasping and crying.
I couldn't take this, and I opened my eyes. And looked up to face the last person expected to be there. Isaac. I tried to run to him but dad grabbed my arms, and he was too strong to break free. Tears welled in me eyes, as I was helpless and unable to help him. I couldn't see Isaacs face, but saw tiny clear tears run off his nose on the ground, he shook like a leaf in the wind and I could tell he was about to break down, but couldn't. I watched him being walked up to the rope. and felt a lump stuck in my throat as the loop was put over his neck and tightened. I squeezed my hand, and he pulled me closer to his waist. Now I couldn't bare to look, but my eyes wouldn't close, and I watched. He stood on the wooden board on top of rotting wooden planks. I looked up at my dad, he felt so shamed, I saw welling tears in his eyes, to see his proudest loved son, live the last minutes with a rope around his neck, feeling ashamed. This was not what he wanted. It was silent, and I looked towards the dirt on the ground. I heard a sudden bang, which was the planks hitting the ground, by then I wished I deaf, but all I was focused on, was the sounds. I heard the rope tighten on the soft innocent skin of a a confused boy, then his gasp for air, that was forbidden. Then it was silent once more. People started cheering, and whistling. It was disgusting, what cruel people they looked, they watched an innocent boy die in front of there eyes, in one of the worst way possible. This was a cruel world I lived in. And now the second Isaac died, I don't want to be here either.
Its been a couple of years since Isaacs death, and that grey cloud now dominates us, my dads and my life. Aged only 13 Mother is no longer with us, she left one day, no goodbyes, no warning. My father was falling, and there was no support for him, I wish Isaac hadn't made that mistake. I often daydream life, as if nothing ever happened. But the fact is what's done is done, and I cannot do anything but accept and live my life, my horrible life which I did not want to encounter anymore.
When mother left, nearly everyone did as well, my brothers all went to marry. And now all was left is Jeremy and John, Dad and myself. Life was a challenge. I was forced to look after my younger brothers by myself, cook and clean with no skill and still have time to myself to study, which I found impossible.
I was struggling, and father noticed and decided I needed some advice and help. This is when Missy entered my life. She was 4 years older then I was, and was a maid. My dad hired her to help me learn how to cook and clean, like a proper lady. Life seemed a little higher, we bonded like sisters. Probably because of the close age difference. She was a local, and knew my brother, actually dated him. But we never really mentioned him that much, she knew how close he was to me, and chose not to question.