Epilogue

EPILOGUE


And there she was...Waiting for me to come.She was sourounded by very young people all dressed up fancy in the hope that someone will come to visit them.Starring out the window she heard her name.She turned around.Trough all that messy hair, that gave you the impression it was never washed,the skinny and pale face,wet eyes you wouldn't have recognized her if it weren't for that mestorious smile, that she seemed she had never lost it, after she said a very soft "Hy".We both sat down at that grayish metal table that gave the impresion that place wasn't a rehab...it was a place of lonely people, people with no hope or courage anymore.People forgotten by humanity.People that lost everything including sanity.I asked her: "Are you ok? " She just stared at me without saying a word as if i was supposed to already know the answer to that question.She started to speak very softly as if nobody should hear what she's saying:
" Let me tell you a story.It's about you,me,and everybody else."
She got up from that chair and head it to the big window that revealed the back courtyard of the hospital,if i could have called it like that.
"Three months have passed,two in which i adopted a style of life that many have chossen before,that some are still tasting it, and maybe a few that gave it up.And one month..one month that showed me nothingh but some tables and some chairs,my bed, a shower and some food.I need to be able to feel again,to see and last but not least to choose."
I saw that she was trying to find her words,to me she always was very ambiguos in her speaking but there were times when i felt that I quite understand what she's saying,wishing or asking for.
"Can you see that guy over there ?" Pointing her finger to some guy sitting at the nearest table and playing chess on his own,if that could have been possible.I could hear him now saying all the time "King to C5, King to C5.."
"He's been here for 6 months and i still don't know why he didn't left this place by now.Everyday after lunch he sits at that table and for exactly 2 hours he plays chess with himslef moving all the time from a chair to the other one.After 1 hour and a half you will find him sitting where you see him right now and for half an hour he repeats the move that he has to make to win the game...but he never does that move.When i asked the doctor why he is still here he told me that he has double personality and can't even distinct reality from ireality.After half an hour of repeating over and over again those words he says "" I give up "" and puts up a face of a loser,deafeated guy.Finally he moves on the other chair and in a couple of seconds he gets up and start screaming "" I won, I won, I won "".Now i have something in my mind that i want to do" she said while she was headding away from the window very slow towoards the guy."It passed 1 hour and 45 minutes since he started to play" She finally reached him ,she posted herself next to him, she bend her body on his left shoulder and made the move: the King to C5 and won the game.The guy moved to the other chair and i could hear him say with a very disapointed voice: ""i lost , i can't believe i lost..not possible because i never told him what move he can make to win"" In a matter of seconds i saw her occuping the chair that earlier belonged to the guy. "What makes you think he won?" she asked him but didn't understand why she didn't use the second person and she used the third one.It would had made more sense to say that if you want for a person with double personality to understand the differecence between "I" and "He". My thoughts were interrupted by the guy's answer: ""Because this is the loser's place"" I could saw her smilying even though she didn't had her face turned to me. Suddenly the guy entered in an euphoric state of mind and start screaming so hard you can tell he never screamed like that ever : ""I Wooooon ,i won".One of the nurses around came in quickly and tried to settle the boy down but he continued screaming : "" i won, i won". The nurse, an old lady, you could have read her tiredness face while she was saying: ""You always win.Now let's get you some rest"".""But..no this time i really won" i could hear him shouting while the nurse was taking him away from that area, that they called it "living-room".It looked more like "diying-room" to me.I wanted to ask her why the guy said he was sitting on the loser's place if till now he was a winner exactly in the same place but i turn around with my eyes on the place where a few minutes ago she was there.But she dissapeared.
"I can learn something from that", she said ,and i turned my face to the window where she was.What on Lord is she dooing all the time in front of the window !? I felt like she was trying to say something to me or show me something outside,something that only she was able to see.
"Did you noticed that from where you're sitting you can't see anything but the leafs from this tree and a part of the sky? And also from the chair in front of you you can see some leafs and a biger part from the sky? But from where i sit i can see the whole tree ,the whole sky, the road that leads to here, the flowers from the courtyard and the forest found in the back of these picture? ...You don't have to answer me" she said to me and for a moment i felt like I was saying that to myself.There was that kind of disscussion that only i could have open if i saw that view.
"I never wanted to fail,i always wanted to win something no matter how tiny that thing was. And now all i know is that i can't find a logic to logic things,to be able to say this is logic because...and of course the other way also the logic to not logic things.How can i figure what is normal and what is not normal ? Reality or fantasy ? Because right now all that i can see is that i am alone.Or maybe not.Maybe i'm not even here.Either way i can't say goodbye.Not yet."
And she turned her face on the wall in front of me.There was a very big clock up on the wall.So big that made you feel like you really run out of time.For a second i thought that the clock is showing me how much time do i have.
"It's time for you to go" she said with a very big smile on her face.I could have sweared that she was somewhat happy that i was going. "Today is Friday and the doctor has a meetting at this hour".The clock was 3 and there was nobody else around .Just me and her.
"The cleaning lady takes her lunch in her room, the front-desk girl is listening to music and she is not bothered to much by who comes in or out.And the two nurses that are right now here, they are actually at the locker room to change and leave when the other shift will come.It would be better for you if you will go now so no one will ask you nothingh about me.Because you know..they are good...very good.You don't know how they read you...And you wouldn't like them to find out that i'm crazy,would you ??"
I got up from the chair , stretch my feets, as if i was getting ready for a marathon.I turned around and while making a few steps i thought and said to myself : "" I came here to see how she's been doing, if there are any chances for her to return home and all i got was a strange disscusion, or lets just call it a loud monologue,and really thought for a second that she was really insane,that she had lost the power that I knew she had and all the courage she always proved.I turned around hoping that the look on my face will make her clarifying things for me.Again she dissapeared.How was that possible, I said to myself.Where could she be gone? I made my way to the exit and while I was passing the lady from the front-desk, that really had head-phones on her ears I had a strange feeling of deja-vu.
I went to the car,got in and left.The road passed for one moment behind the rehab centre..and i looked in the mirror at the window ,hoping she was there watching the picture she was telling me about earlier.But she wasn't there. I saw all those things for her, the whole tree with the leafs, the flowers from courtyard, the clear sky,the forest and the road I was driving on.I felt free when i saw that house left behind while I was driving.I could only hoped for the better for her.
I finally got home from a long and painfull road,tooked a shower and got in the bed.In the next few days I was thinking about what she told me,how she was looking at me, at others, I was trying to describe what she told me and why.
-Mom...mom ?
-What happened?
-Where is my other phone?Did you see it ?
- I don't know honey.Didn't you had it with you in Switzerland? Trying to remember if i didn't somehow forgot it in the living room from the rehab centre
-So..how was it there? ,my mom interrupted me while i was trying to figure it out what happened to the phone
-I'm not sure if I want to talk about it, but I lied because I wanted to talk with somebody about her and everything that she said to me but deepinside me I believed that I will be called crazy if she hears the story.
-But you are ok now, right ?
- Of course I'm ok...
"Why wouldn't I be ?!" I said to myself as if I was the crazy one there.
Two more days passed and I wanted to call to the centre to ask about her.If she's ok,if she needs something,maybe she just want to talk to someone familiar to her.I turned the drawers from my study upside down looking for that piece of paper that had written the phone number from the centre on it.
-What are you doing ? ,my mother asked with her face all scared up, as if I was having a personality crises.I stoped for a second and put a soft smile on my face, so she wouldn't be like a stone anymore.
-I'm looking for that paper with the phone number from the rehab, and continue smiling at her as everything was alright.
-Why ? Did you make friends there and you miss them ?, said to me laughing, but not very hard, while she was closing the door from my room.Who would like to make friends there? For sure i wouldn't like to be friend with a guy who plays chess on his own.A friend who plays on the computer with the computer sounds more ok to me.
After I found the paper I tooked a few minutes to work on the disscusion.How to ask her and what.It looked like i was getting ready to have a conversation with me.I decided to keep it shortly, just "How do you do?" Do you need something ?" Get better" and that's all.
-Good morning ? I said with a shaked voice,like I wanted to hang up that phone
-Good morning. How can I help you ?, the person from the other side of the phone said to me.It was probably the girl listening to music on the headphones.I wonder how she heard the phone ringing.
-Can I talk to Andreea, please?
-One moment please, i'll make you the connection with the doctor
-Ok, I said wonderring why she had to put the doctor on the phone.Did something happened to her !? A milion thoughts passed trhough my mind till I heard the doctor's voice
-Hello
-Hello, I said very rushed, can i talk to my sister please? Is there something wrong ?Something happened ?
-Well not sure how to tell you this but she's gone
-What do you mean gone ?, and realised that she could leave that place whenever she wanted because nobody wasn't keeping her there against her will
-I mean she dissapeared, we couldn't found her anywere,i guess it's almost a week since she dissapeared.Hey listen i tried to call you on..
-I'm sorry ,I got to go, and i hang up the phone before he was able to finish his sentence.Because I realised what she told me and why.She made me realise that common objects that people use everyday are worthless if you don't choose to choose them or use them and it doesn't matter what place you are in a game ,if you don't have the power to make a decision at the right moment you will loose and don't let others make your move cause no one will believe you that you won and you end up in the same spot.The one who lost.The outside part of what you see is very beautiful and rare so make the courage and step on it and you will find that some little details can bring you to that road that you once saw from a window and you can breath easily while you are stepping on and say "I am free".Don't forget to believe only in you as much as you can,seek happiness and wellfare,keep your body strong and healthy and say "No" to everything that you want to say "No" to and don't forget to say "Yes" when you want to say "Yes".And she was right: "I can learn something from that".Yes we do, we can learn everyday from everything.I can't believe she's gone.Will I ever see her again.?Probably she's walking around the world right now trying to find a new life, new things to hope for, new persons to smile for , a new begining to live for.
She will come back.For sure ..One day she will come back.And when she'll do that...You will be ready to hear her STORY. BEACUSE SHE WILL NEVER GIVE UP.



ONE WEEK LATER

-Good morning, I am detective Reynard.I understand that you called me in for a missing person ?
-Yes, indeed, she dissapeared 2 weeks ago and we couldn't found her anywhere.Don't get me wrong,people that are here are free to go whenever they want.It's their choice.But still I guess it would have been normal to anounce if she had left.She didn't took anything with her.
-I understand.But tell me something.For how long was she here?
-I guess one month.Yes exactly one month
-And the reason she wanted to be here was ?
-When she camed here she said that she needs help.She needs to understand,to explain herself some things.And I asked if this place could really help her.And I can still remember what she said :" I know ,this place is perfect or else i wouldn't have choosen it".I never heard it talking with other people .She just said thank you when it was required.I remember that once i tried to speak to her to ask her how she feels and she said to me that she doesn't need anybody to talk to her, she apologised and got out of the office.And i respected what she told me and never spoken to her again.She wasn't a trouble.She was just sitting all the time in front of the window watching outside and from time to time sat down on every chair from every table or starring at the other people.And I guess that's all that i can say about her
-I see.Tell me something else.She didn't had relatives?.She didn't complete a paper on her way-in?With her adress and some phone numbers?Did you try to find out if maybe she returned home?
-Well now you see this is the strangest part.When a new patient comes here, he is asked to fulfill some papers at the front desk.She didn't gave us her full name,neither her adress.She only gave her sister's phone number in case something happens to her to have who to call.After completing the papers one of the nurses tooked her to her room to unpack her things and I called her sister to verify her identity and if someone from the famyli knows she's here. Her sister confirmed that she knows and that's all
-And ,excuse me if I ask, but what is strange here?
-After Andreea dissapeared ,a week after she dissapeared actually her sister called in saying that she wants to talk to her and I told her that she dissapeared and i also wanted to tell her about the phone but she hang up on me and i wasn't able to call her back because she called in with a blocked id.
-About the phone ??
-After Andreea dissapeared i tried to call her sister but when I called I heard a very soft ,sharp sound coming from Andreea's room and when i went inside there was a phone on the bed with a missed call, a missed call from me.
-Ok thank you very much for your time and information,doctor, i will try to track her sister.Maybe she knows some things that could help us find her.We'll keep in touch.Have a nice day!
-Wait, detective....You didn't hear the strange part.
-Excuse me...
-Well...The strange part !!! She didn't had any visitors ....




- THE END -

Motto: "Don't be afraid to make a change in the world,be afraid if you are the change"