the wee tube

I am No longer continent
me bladder's upped and left
so they stuck a bit of tube up me
i dunno if that was best

i used to be quite regular
i'd go six times a day
but then i started dribbling
and i cant stop
any way

they rushed me into hospital
and weighed the scene up quick
then they stuck this bit of rubber
right up the end of my.....

pricks in the arm they gave me
injections of antibiotics
then they stuck me in a ward
full of incontinent
psychotics

they wheeled me down to xray
in a chair pushed by a porter
but he left me bag
hanging on the bed
it didn't half make me eyes water

i used to go down the social club
boozy nights i never missed
but by the time i got back home again
i found me trousers i'd.......

persistant drinker i was
until me bladder was lost
now only a half
and i have to be bath'd
so how much do catheters cost?

technology is wonderful
it moves in jumps and leaps
it leapt right over incontinence
and gave us that for keeps

on many subjects i ponder
like...i wish me willy was longer
but sooner or later
i'll be with me maker
and i wont have a tube up me donger!