The Influence

I went to the mountains to find myself. I am a big outdoors person and the wilderness of the mountains called me when I was young. My family traveled to Colorado when I was younger for many years in a row. I was climbing on a dirt bank on the side of the road and I'll always remember that as my first adventure as a youngster.

My teenage years were a great time for the mountains and I. I went to a camp called Wilderness Ventures. This camp did a lot of outdoor activities in the wilderness and down rivers. I went to Montana, Idaho, Colorado and Wyoming. We went whitewater rafting. It was a great time when we were driving through the different states. I was a great hiker and I can remember once that I had to slow down hiking because I was making the leader tense. We took times leading the group through the wilderness while on trails. I also went to Alaska with the same camp. We went sea kyaking, mountain climbing, and exploring. I remember that I went running with a group of guys through a rural area. I was in training for a marathon that I would later finish. There were the circles that we had that shared a bond with my fellow campers. We would all gather around in a circle. I can't remember what we did I can only remember that we circled up. At meal time, we would share a passage out of the "quote" book. There was a book of quotes that we had on every trip. The story is that there was one of the real early campers that had a red book of quotes. This book soon turned into a mass produced quote book. Wilderness Ventures caused me to mature and grow.

I was backpacking one time while camping with Wilderness Ventures and I slipped and fell. I hurt my arm and there was a huge gash down my forearm. The counselors had to bandage it up. I caught it on a sharp branch. I freaked out the other campers and this is something that I'll always remember.

I can remember that one time this other camper and I were running down the trall. We were hiking faster then the rest of the group. We started to run with our full packs on. It was quite an experience. We had to wait for the rest of the group at a fork in the trial. We were alone and the guy asked me if I wanted to do something that I'd like. He took out what I thought was a cigarette. I asked him why he smoked and he said that it was pot. This was the first time for pot. I didn't like it too much but that wouldn't be the last time I smoked pot. The rest of the group walked down the path that the other camper and I could see. We went to the middle of the trail and I felt so weird. I wouldn't have a good result of my smoking pot for years after that.

College was a great time for the mountains. I would attend the University of Denver. There was a lot of time spent skiing. I didn't do much hiking and camping in college. I mostly skied and spent time at the snow resorts. I once went to Winter Park ski area by myself. I took a Greyhound bus to the resort. The bus didn't leave me off at the ski resort. I had to hike to the resort. I still can't believe that I made it to the resort. I waded through a small river and my pants were soaked when I reached the hotel. The clerk at the hotel must have thought I was crazy. I also skied at A-Basin, Breckenridge, Keystone and also at Winter Park. I went to Winter Park many times with my fraternity brothers.

I went to Breckenridge to work and one of my high school friends had a house outside of Breckenridge. I worked at Keystone. I was a "sharpshooter". I worked taking pictures of skiers and then tried to sell the pictures at the end of the day. I didn't make a lot of money but it was a great job. I wasn't a seller. I had trouble convincing the people to buy a picture of their friends or family members at the top of the mountain.

The drugs on the "thin ice of mountain life" got to me. I was doing well at Denver and had great grades. I flunked out my junior year and went home to St. Louis. I ended up going to a mental institution and recieved a diagnosis of Schizo affective disorder. I was depressed, so my parents and the doctors thought. I just think that I was in a drug induced phase and the drugs had an impact on my mental illness. I still am feeling the effects of my mental illness today. I will be mentally ill for the rest of my life. I have great support and people that care for me a great deal.

I went on a walk when I left the strip club in the city that I lived in. I was a world away from the mountains. I was trying to get a cab ride back to the group home that I lived in. I got robbed and I was beat up pretty bad. There were two of them and they over powered me My nose was hit and the blood ran down my face and on to my clothes. I made it back to the group home at about 1:00am. I didn't get caught but I'd be influenced by this event for the rest of my life. I was a rebel. I went to the strip club often just to rebel against people that cared about me. I was part of a lap dance and I thought that this was great I moved out of the group home and moved to a different state.

I went to an AFC home in a different state. An AFC home is an adult foster care home. I went to one that dealt with mental illness and drug abuse. There were people at this home that weren't addicted to drugs. I will always remember the experiences at this group home. There were people there that talked nonsense or to themselves. There were people there that varied in degree of sickness. Betsy would talk about heaven and how she was going to get a lump sum of a million dollars. She also said that she was religion and that religion revolved around her. There was a man there that would talk nonsense. He would talk about being "here" and not some place else. "Here" was a place where there was great influence and greater in influence than "there". He would not talk specifically.

That is my story. I am mentally ill and a writer. I also enjoy taking pictures and taking part in photography. I will take medication and I'll be mentally ill for the rest of my life. My spirit is stronger today. I am working at a job and am more successful; and accomplished than I thought I could be. Life with mentally illness is challenging at times. I also will be an addict for the rest of my life. I am an addict in all areas of life. People have to understand that addiction is a "life" disease. A life disease means that addiction affects all areas of life not just drug addiction. I hope that when you see a person talking to themselves on the street that it is not their fault. Addiction and mental illness are no-fault illnesses. There is no way that you can cause mental illness or addiction. Addiction and mental illness are part of life at birth. I am glad to have shared my story and hope that you'll appreciate the things that happened in my life that are good and worthwhile.