What I see and what's beneath

It was hot, stuffy, and the unmistakably stench of weed from the rear end of the bus filtered through the air. I threw a dirty look in the general direction, unable to admit I was too afraid to challenge the source. A little girl sitting in front me smiled and I returned a crooked grin. She shouldn’t know the smell of any drugs, far too young to even comprehend and no one to teach her but from observation. The city whizzed pass us in a drizzle of grey in contrast to the warm golden rays of the summer sun that bounced off pavements covered in trash, and grotesque buildings enveloped in a thin layer of grit. It wasn’t just environmental pollution but also mind contamination. Everyone in the city was greedy, selfish and ignorant. The shrieking laughter I heard made me feel ill and bile rose in my through that had nothing to do with the stench. Although the bus was full, the driver had stopped to let an old lady on board. There were no seats open and as she made her way to the back, clutching the rails with her fragile, bony hands I felt my shoulders stiffen in preparation.

“Hello dear, do you mind if I can have a seat? Old age, can’t really stand on moving buses”

I clenched my eyes shut and chanted silently ‘Please be nice, please me polite’. This happened far too often and today of all days I didn’t think I could take it.

“…Excuse me” the girl said, looking up from her fake spidery lashes, before snorting and turning in a way that made her outrageously long earrings sway from side to side.

“Oh” exclaimed the old lady, looking lost and forlorn. No one else got up to offer her a seat.

Making a ‘tut’ noise with her teeth, the girl turned to her friend and said loudly “She’ll probably piss in the seat or something, forget that”

“Yeah I know, shouldn’t go out the house if you can’t look after yourself” her friend replied nastily without shame.

I felt my blood boil, how horrible! The old woman was on the verge of tears, but was holding herself up straight whilst her chin trembled. I breathed in deep breaths, regardless of the putrid smell and told myself to calm down. There was at least four of them, if I got into a fight no doubt I’d be tossed off the bus and beaten in a side alley.

‘Yes’ I thought ‘the bus is moving again’. The driver drove slowly through the rain, but as he turned a particular sharp corner, the wheel ran across a pavement and with a thump, the old lady crashed sideward onto a pole, dropping her walking stick with a clatter. Although I didn’t know her, concern raced through me and I hurried forward to support her weight.

“You could at least move up!” I spat out at the girl.

“What’s it got to do with you? You got a problem?” she sneered whilst the rest of her friends sniggered.

“Go Julie!” one of them jeered.

Anger, fear and logic collided within me. As I was about to retort, a man sitting nearby got up and offered the old lady his seat, which she took gratefully whilst confirming that she was fine. Slowly, I backed down from the challenging glare and stubbornly turned my back till it was my stop.
When stepped off the bus I realised that someone else had gotten off after me. Being cautious, I looked around and with a surprise, realised it was the girl Julie.

‘Damn’. My first thought was that she was going to jump me and I readied myself as I walked, prepared to throw a fist back to defend myself. Often described by others as small and pale looking, Julie was at least 3 or 4 inches taller than me and from the way she stalked forward, looked as though she could knock out a gorilla. There was also the fact that I had never been in a fight before and I was pretty sure Julie probably got into more brawls than she went to school. Well, that was the impression she gave off. That was when I noticed the loud clicking of her two inch heels were fading. She had turned into another street.

For a moment, sheer curiosity overtook me and I followed her.

‘What could go wrong?’ I thought to myself ‘I could easily outrun her in those ridiculous shoes, besides, this is my area, and my house is just round corner. It’s not like she’ll go banging on my door’

I convinced myself it was a precaution, so I could avoid her street, or maybe it was to spite her living conditions in a rundown, shabby house. Either didn’t sound very pleasant so I pushed the thought away and stopped when she entered a house. ‘A council house, that’s what I thought’ I smiled triumphantly.

Now that she was inside, I straightened up and walked past an open window on the lower floor; hoping to hear some shouting and conflict that was normally present from most houses on this street. Instead what I saw shocked me.

Throwing her coat over a chair, Julie pulled open the fridge door and poured out some milk and oats into a bowl.

“Have you eaten?” she asked, mixing gently. She received only a quiet murmur. “I’m guessing not”

Her companion was a middle aged lady who looked like she was in the late thirties. Julie pushed a spoon against her lips but the contents fell in thick dribbles. She was disabled, unable to move from neck down. Even her face showed no sign of recognition or response, she simply stared ahead into space as though day dreaming in class. I recoiled from the window as though struck by an invisible hand and hurried away, the word brain-dead echoing in my mind.

Occupied in my own thoughts about the complications of everything around me, I failed to notice where I was until I reached the end of the road, where a homeless man was hunched in the corner. I slowed my pace, unsure if he would mug me if I went pass. As I drew closer and realised he wasn’t about to make any sudden movements I let out a breath of relief I didn’t know I was holding. You could never be sure or too careful. To calm the guilt still coursing through me, I dropped in some change. It wasn’t a lot, and I expected no response from the man, who I could now see was in his old age, but he looked up and smiled sweetly. It made my heart clench.

“Thanks lad” he said softly with a faint lingering smile.

Turning abruptly I hurried on my way home where I knew it was safe, where I didn’t have to think about the women who could’ve been Julie’s mom, or the old man, who probably had no home, or family or even a place to stay that night.

“Welcome home” mum grinned “how was school?”

“It was ok, normal really, nothing special’ I replied, shrugged off my bag and ignored the bitter taste in my mouth.

“Specially made dinner tonight though, it’s your favourite!”

Warmth spread through me, but the vision of Julie and the woman arose and I knew I didn’t have any appetite. I didn’t want to disappoint mum either.

“I brought something on the way home so I’m not hungry” I said.

Seeing her expression fall I quickly added “We can have it tomorrow. You and Dad always have KFC once a week cause you’re both piggish and there’s football tonight” I teased.Dodging her swipe I ran upstairs to my room where I leapt straight into bed and burrowed myself under the soft cotton duvet, wanting to forget everything I saw yet ironically, fell asleep to the sound of Julies gentle voice and the image of a kind, sweet smile ingrained in my head.


By the time I woke up, it was totally dark outside. The only source of light was illumination given off by the light posts on the street and the fluorescent numbers on my digital clock that read 3.17am.

“Great”  I thought “I slept my day away, definitely can’t sleep anymore now” I sat there in total silence, staring at the purplish clouds outside the window, my mind dazed yet wondering around with little suggestions and ideas.

“What could go wrong?” I said to myself quietly, pondering. “It’s my neighbourhood, and I can definitely run faster” It made me chuckled at the inside humour. I tiptoed downstairs, waited for the water to boil, stirred up the drink and slid on my converses. I eyed my bag which had my wallet and cell phone, but decided I wouldn’t need it. Then I slipped out the door with two mugs of steaming hot chocolate.