Through the mind

Through the Mind of Good and Evil


Good and Evil, yes they are both prevalent in all of us. Science itself can not make or break what we are, but what are we? Look at us, we define ourselves as so called humans of mankind, but what are humans? Our definition is inane for we do not understand the simplest, yet alone the most complicated of things. We sit and ponder at the idea of death and the earth, but then try to understand the universe. We are fools! But then again what are fools? Hmm.. I smile at my own incompetence, for even I am one of them. They betrayed me, even though I am one of them. They locked me up for many accusations which I neither knew of nor committed, but yet they found me guilty. How? I haven’t a clue. Ha, if they only knew what I have in this mind of mine, if they could only see and understand the things that I do. They would learn… Yes they would learn not only the truth but also definitions. Definitions of all things. Some called me crazy, some called me a genius, but none of them understand what these words mean, all they know are the definitions that the so called mankind has infected in their minds. My wife left me because I had all these lost thoughts that she saw as a sign of my lunacy… she is dead now. I can still see all the blood, her face, that look. They thought I killed her because of my many in depth descriptions of the crime scene. They don’t understand that my mind is not normal; I can remember pictures and foster any images in my mind with the most vague of descriptions. But they laughed. Their spit hitting my face like rain. Look at me now. Here I am among them. I am one of them. Yes, I can feel it. What it is ? I shall not say.

“Are you okay?”, she said as she looked at me with the most inquisitive of looks. She understands who I am, yet she fails to see the path that I have developed for her.

“I am fine, Don’t worry”, I had to lie because she could, no, will never understand who or what I am. She loves me; I can see it in her. She plans to ask me out soon; I can see the hesitation and nervous ness in her. If she only knew the type of person that I have become. I have changed; I have become the same thing that my parents tried to make me not become. I, what is ‘I’, I hear it so often and yet I can not understand it. We all speak it but no one of us can tell the true meaning of this one single word. I have been made to believe that ‘I’ is the pronoun used to describe a person’s own ideals, thoughts, etc. But once again, this teaching is inane for it is taught from those that don’t understand; from those that were taught this same lesson that I was taught. All these thoughts and ideas, where did they come from? They have grown throughout my years on this planet.

“You are so shy, why don’t you just speak your mind? What’s going on in that furtive mind of yours? Why won’t you speak to me?”

He is so pedantic, yet foolish. He knows I love him, but does not even bother to make a move or flirt with me. I remember it like it was yesterday. The day that I met him; I knew at once that he was to be mine, of course he did not. I know every and any thing about him or so I think. He absolutely loves science and reasoning, to the point that I think this passion blinds him from seeing what he has in front of him.

She is thinking; I can see it in her eyes. That look of concentration. She is wondering why I have been so withdrawn with her; she knows I love her but questions herself because I have not made any attempts at winning her. In due time my dear, in due time. She really is an exquisite beauty. Those highlights in her hair bring out the beauty in her complexion. Her smile alone gives me hope in changing, but what is hope? Ha.. there I go again with all these mindless questions and thoughts. Once again, she insists on staring at me with those eyes. With that face. She thinks her beauty alone can make me open up, but she is wrong. She is lost to think this. I still remember it like it was yesterday, the day she labeled me as hers in her mind, the day she thinks that I never know. The day she fails to understand was the day that she became apart of me. I had stated earlier that she knows I love her, but then again do I? What is this love that we all seek in some way or form. Is it mutual attraction with one another? Or is it that fake sense of hope that you have found someone that is you. That person who is the reflection that you see in the mirror. Well, it is neither of these things, and it is nothing. Love is death in itself. Love is pain and Love is isolation. Love is what we have engraved in our souls and minds to think and feel. It is like the sky. At one moment everything seems as peaceful and joyous as can be, but in a split second it changes. It becomes dark, with lightning and thunder, or as I call them, death and destruction. Once again, she stares off into the distance, but she is not thinking this time. Oh no. She is enjoying the beauty that is the opposite sex. Oh how I hate her. She loves me, yet she glares and becomes infatuated with all these men of whom she doesn’t even know. Look at me. How pathetic I am. Raging with jealousy for a woman that is not even my partner, I must fix this. She must leave, I must be by myself to think and to understand. She will be upset, but it has to be done. She must leave. Now! Go tell her you fool. Tell her that she has to leave in order for you to be by yourself. At once you ignorant prick! No, no more, I will listen to myself and only myself. She must leave, but I shall not tell her the reasons as to why she must leave. I shall simply lie and grab her velvet coat.

“I am deeply sorry, but it is getting rather late, and I would not want you to walk all alone in this treacherous weather.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, it is only seven in the afternoon.”

“ I know, but it gets rather dark outside in these time of months, just look outside. It looks like we are having a lunar eclipse for heavens sake. Please, do take my advice and departure now. We can have so much time with each other tomorrow.”

“Well if you insist. I shall be leaving then. Are you sure that you will be fine?”

“Positive”, there I go again with that mundane of a smile.

All alone at last, there she goes. Look at her, that contour of a body. Hips made to bear children, legs made to run, stomach made to be kissed upon. Stop it! Stop it now you fool. Why do you insist on being with her? She is lost, don’t you see that? Do you honestly think that she loves you? Ha, don’t pity yourself. You are a monster. Listen to me, your thought, and you will go far in life.

Shut up. You have no say in what happens in this world. You are nothing.

Oh am I now… fine I shall leave you to think and ponder on all this foolishness that you insist on figuring out.

Lets begin. One and only one thought prevails my mind. God. Who are you? Are you a you or a it? Many of us are taught to believe that there is this supreme being that is above that is watching our every move. This being is the creator of all things. So it is said in these books I have been reading. This being is all powerful and of all forms. I have read books about this being as Buddha, as Allah, as Jehovah, and the list goes on. But what really are you? Are you real? The answer it seems is no. You are fake. You are nothingness just like love. This world has made you up for society to have some hope in something. I shall discover the truth regarding you one day. When that day arrives, I shall destroy you. Why? Because you have created a world that has no purpose. A world that has lost what they think they still have. A world which can not and will not relinquish its lust for perfection. A world that can never attain perfection. I will destroy you because, you yourself have no purpose. You are the supreme being, yet you fail to create the perfect and ideal world. You a mockery to yourself. I laugh at this world that you created for it is of no importance to me. You claim all this power, yet I am not afraid of you. You can not kill me. Why? Because you are afraid. You are afraid of the one thing that you created. I pity you. You hear me. I WILL DESTROY YOU! Now I must sleep.

Chapter 2

I was given birth to on a day that I can not remember. All that I remember was that the day was dismal. It had been raining for some months and the air was stinging on the skin. My father was one of the most compelling scientist and philosophic person to date, but as I grew older, I began to see a side to him that I would have never thought possible. He was a drunkard. He would come home from work, then drink, drink, drink, until he could barely hold the bottle up.

“Cum here boy”, he said with that scent of alcohol that you could smell from a mile away.

“Yes, father, what is that you want me for?” I said with hesitation.

“Boy, don’t ask questions, just get your ass over here. Don’t let me take off my belt boy.”

“Yes, father.”

I walked over to him, not knowing what he was going to do. My father was usually a predictable man, but when intoxicated, you learned to fear him and live in terror because any thing could happen.

“Now, listen hear boy, you are ten years old come next month. You know what you going to do today?” You’re going get your sister and both of you are going to strip naked and dance for the old man. Got it? Now, don’t go telling your mother or else there will be some repercussions.”

“Yes father.” How disgusting this man who was to be called my father was. Watching his own children strip in front of him and dance for entertainment. How… I can not even think of a word for such an act.

He was pleased. This was evident because he let us off early this time. Usually we would be his entertainment for hours upon hours. No dinner or food what so ever. He did not care. All he wanted was his source of entertainment.

I was now a man, eighteen years of age. Harvard college was to be my next home, but before I left my own amittyville horror, I had to see to it that he was punished. If not by the law, then in some other way.

I walked up the stairs, with the ice cold lemonade I had made for him. Little did he know that there was a lethal dose of Mercury in that lemonade. I opened the door. There he was, laying in bed, smiling to himself, as if life was amazing. He turned and saw me.

“Hello, my son, how are you?” He said with the most soft of a voice. He was himself again, the loving father that I once loved.

“I am fine, I brought you some lemonade and it is you favorite kind.” I looked at him. Such a magnificent specimen he was. He had it all. Dark hair, blue eyes, body of a twenty year old, (it is worth noting that at this point in my life, my father was around sixty years old) promiscuous life, and money. But that was not enough, so he went to the bottle. He sipped the drink down like an elephant in the desert of Africa. How I felt no remorse, none at all. Why should I? He deserves to die and in the end he did, but not from my poison, instead from AIDS.

Harvard, what a splendid place. The air of Massachusetts is so more vibrant than the air of my previous home. The people here are so sophisticated. They all have their own ideals and philosophies. Tall buildings, the ocean, and gothic style buildings. I knew at once this was the right place for me.

I entered the room that was to be split between me and some other person who I have not met yet. He was fairly sized. around the size of a garage in our modern day society homes. The window was splendid because right outside was the beautiful ocean sea. The beds were as soft as a baby’s bottom. The style and texture of the room drew me in more than anything else. It was dark, yet uplifting. In she walked, my room mate. She was to be my first wife in the future.

“Hi, what is your name?” she said with the most beautiful of smiles that would make any man happy.

“What is yours?” I said in reply avoiding the question that she had first proposed to me.

“Sunny. You seem like you are enjoying that bed over there.” She began to laugh so violently that I began to question her own sense of mind.

“That bed”, she said, “is mine. It is on the left side of the room and the left side is always the females. Did you not read that in the hand book?”

How dumb I felt, here I was laying in this comfortable bed only to be told that the other less comfortable bed was mine. She smiled at me with the most seductive of smiles that one person could ever imagine. That first night with her was to be one of my most memorable nights as I speak.

My favorite class of all was ethics and science. To think that there was some way in which we could connect the daily habits with science was simply titillating. I learned many things from years at Harvard. Those were the good times. What was that?

“Who is it?” I had finally awoken from my dream of the past. It seemed as though someone was in my home, but this was false for I was the only one that knew all the codes and combinations to the locks.

It was only midnight, I had been sleeping for only two hours and here I was thinking. I had began to realize something. Something that surprised me. Something that I now knew was the truth. I shall write this down, for I feel it is the last thing that I shall write for a long while.

Chapter 3

Dear world and society,

I have found the truth behind all the questions that all of mankind has yet to figure out. Human civilization for one thing is lost. Humans will never find the truth to all that they seek. Civilization has no purpose because we have been on this planet for so many years and have yet to discover this purpose that we seek. Humans will inevitably become apart of this planet just like the dinosaurs that perished many years ago. We have nothing left to live for because we can do nothing but cause destruction. We seek peace, yet we fail to understand peace. Humans are nothingness. Secondly, teachings and all that we define as knowledge are garbage. We can not and shall not find true teachings because there is no all knowing that teaches these things. People can not learn anything because there is nothing to learn. All of this nonsense that we call education is the makeup of mankind. This makes it nothingness. Knowledge is falsehood. It is knowing nothing and learning nothing. We will not know anything because what is to be known is what was made to be known by mankind. Thirdly, love is a hoax. It is falsehood at its best. This so called sensation that one feels for another human is nothing but lies engulfed in the mind. Love can not exist for we as humans know no what love is, we think we have the definition of it, yet so many people fail to achieve it. Love is a curse that we have brought upon our own heads. It is something that we shall never find because it was never there in the first place. Love is like a black hole. It is all emptiness that leaves one dead and gone. Love always fails. Fourthly, death is a gift. It keeps us in check, it proves that we have no purpose because if we did, we would be long living. Death is as pure as water, it causes what humans see as pain and lost but in actuality, these things are to be uplifting. Death teaches us the lesson not to get attached, it shocks you anytime it knows that you are falling for that foolishness called love. Death is and shall continue to be the best thing that mankind created in its mind.

There is one last point that I shall make and it will be my best of all…

Chapter 4

..lastly, this so called god that you all seek to worship is not a deity, it has been among you all these years. It has been watching you, critiquing all your actions and motives. This god is not all powerful, but is all knowing. This god is nothing and is pathetic. It is not worth noticing and that is why so many humans have fail to realize that it has been walking among them. It is purposeless and shall not be worth worshiping. This god that we call Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, etc, is the complete emptiness that was first made. It was not perfect and will never be perfect. I shall destroy this god. I shall teach the world the lesson of emptiness and nothingness with this. They shall learn what I call nothingem. This nothingem is the ideal lesson that all of this so called mankind should learn to love.
This god is the creator of nothingem. This god is me.

Sincerely,

God

As the Detectives walked in they saw the man that was god hanging from the ceiling. He had kept his promise. He had destroyed god…