Once there lived a hungry princess...

ONCE THERE LIVED A HUNGRY PRINCESS...

Once upon a time there lived a hungry princess trapped in a dark dungeon. Her name was Candi. Candi wouldn’t have minded living in a dark dirty dungeon, but she did. The only problems she had with living there were that she was a clean freak and also afraid of the dark. One night, on the bare box spring she slept on, Candi had a very strange dream. In her dream, she was running along a river side, but the water was pink and made of jello. Suddenly she stopped. Standing in front of her was the Easter bunny, all dressed up in a Santa suit          

“Merry Christmas, little girl!” he shouted.          

“Why am I here?” Candi asked the bunny.          

“Heck, I don’t even know who you are. All I know is that I was sent here to give you a Christmas card.”          

“But you’re the Easter bunny… why Christmas?”          

“You actually believe that junk? Santa Claus does Easter, I do Christmas.” He replied          

“Oh. But it’s not December. Oh, never mind! I just want to know why I’m here!” and she screamed so loud it woke her up. Oh my! She thought.          

“Master, I require a bath. I’m all dusty again!”          

“Whateva’you says princess.” But before she could get up, the barred window in her dank room burst open. Guess who jumped in… NO! Not a “handsome prince charming” it was her mother-in-law.          

“Candice, honey, what is you doing in this here dump hole? Candi! Just a box spring? You’re smarter than that!” while her mom-in-law was yelling insults at her. Candi watched as from the window, her husband stepped through. He smiled awkwardly and hissed,          

“Shut up, ma!”          

“Oh my gosh, peter… where have you been?! I’ve been in this filth hole while you’ve been living it up in Vegas! I hope you’ve brought home some money! Or did you lose it all?” unfortunately, this ruckus was very loud, and the master heard it all.          

“What is all this!? I swear I only had one princess in my inventory and I know for sure I ain’t got no prince! Get out or I’ll get the gun on ya!” they all ran away, but peter was smart. While Candi was yelling, he grabbed her around the middle and pulled her out of the window.          

“Peter! Put me down!” she screamed as he ran away, dodging bullets.          

“This is for your own good, sweetheart!”          

“Aww… sweetie! I am definitely going to beat you to a PULP when we get home!”          

“Here we go again,” he breathed. As they ran farther, the odd trio saw their house.          

“Home!” sighed mom-in-law          

“Finally!” said the princess          

“*gulp*” gulped the prince          

Suddenly a dragon with a ukulele began singing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’. Badly.          

“What a mixed up, twisted fairy tale this is.” Said the princess from between the prince’s arm. Once they had gotten passed the singing dragon, the prince and the princess walked into their mansion. Candi’s mother-in-law was still outside, screaming at the dragon. That’s how they got him to let them passed him. Now, our couple is upstairs and sleeping soundly for the first time in 3 years. Overhead, the Easter bunny passed by the window and whispered into the night from his flying sleigh,          

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.” And away he flew…          

…Into the dark.