What happens now?

“Ladies and Gentlemen; we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a very dear one. Paula Jordan was a lovely woman, always willing to lend a helping hand.” The priest started.

“I don’t think I can do this, Ty.” Miranda whispered to her brother.

“It’s ok Miranda. Come on you can do it. Mum would want you to sit here proudly right? Don’t let her down.”

Miranda sniffled and nodded. She sat up and looked down at her other brothers and sisters. She had a huge family; she wouldn’t be alone even though her mother was gone. But she had never felt so alone in her life. She couldn’t take the excruciating weight on her heart. Like her soul was pulling her to move on with her mother.

Kelly leaned over Ty to speak with Miranda. “Sweetheart, you need to keep breathing – just a little while longer.” Ty winked at her.

She let out her breath and covered her face with her hands. She felt Abe on the other side of her pull her in for a hug.

“Now I’d like to invite Miranda Jordan, Paula’s youngest daughter, to come up and speak.”

Kristan walked up with her all the time whispering her reassurances.

Miranda pulled out her cards and looked down at them seeing distorted pen marks as more tears blurred her vision. She looked down at the many people who had come to pay their respects to her mother. She turned her head to look at her mother in the coffin beside her. Looking so peaceful. 

“Come on Miranda!” Tyrone shouted.

“You can do it baby girl!” Abe added.

Miranda blinked out of her trance at once and smiled over at them. It was so typical of those two to make a horrible situation into a joke. She took a breath and began to speak into the microphone.

“Thanks guys.” Miranda started. “You know when I volunteered to speak first here today; I had no idea how hard this would be. My mom started talking about what she wanted at her funeral when I was about 16. And I remember,” Miranda chuckled –“we, we, my family – Joey, Kelly, Kristan, Ty, Abraham-“

“Hey it’s Abe!”

Miranda smirked. “Abe, Jaime, and Caleb. I remember we would always tell her to stop talking about it. That there was time to talk about it later, when there was a chance she was actually going to pass on. And now that she has. I think we did a pretty good job. She always said she wanted her funeral to be a party.” She just stood there for a moment. She couldn’t think straight. She stood looking at her mom. Still and pale.

Her mom was always there for her – for everyone! Abe and Ty acted all brave and tough but she knew that everyone felt the same way about their mom. The only reason she was up there was because she thought everyone was a little bit afraid of the truth. Because that was what she was doing up here. She was saying goodbye. Only this goodbye involved telling everyone the reasons why she was sad to say goodbye, all the reasons she didn’t want to say goodbye. Apparently she was the bravest of her family to actually do so.

Except she wasn’t, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye. She didn’t want to say goodbye – it wasn’t fair. When the family had first learned that she had cancer it was clear everyone was in denial. Miranda remembered it as clear as water, the day her mom told the family she would be dying in 6 months. Abe and Ty made jokes, Kelly and Kristan rolled their eyes, Caleb and Jaime frowned and Joey and she laughed. Back then her mom still had a glow, still was laughing, and still had life in her. It seemed a dream that this day would come.

“But when my mom told my family that she was dying, it didn’t feel like a warning to start planning her party. Neither does today. It’s – it’s... It truly seems like it’s a bad dream. I – I don’t know about all of you but I can’t see myself living without my mom to go home to.” Miranda gulped before going on. “It certainly will be different. There will be no more dinners where my mom pretends to be interested as my brother, Caleb brags about another successful day.” She heard people snicker. “I will no longer hear my mom on the telephone with my brother Jaime, telling him to come back home. Nor will there be arguments between Abe and my mum about cutting his hair. Nor will I be able to walk into the kitchen and watch my mom and Ty cooking a feast for only 3 people who actually live at the house. Never again will I hear my mom being told by my sisters, Kelly and Kristan, the new fads and terms of this century. Nor will I need to endure the many blind dates my mother set up for me. And I will also never see my mom fuss over everyone picking on my little brother, Joey.” She fell silent. “All these memories seem slim to all of you probably. They probably seem very miniscule compared to some of the memories you would have picked. But my mother ... everyday spent with her was another day full of memorable memories. These things are the most important to me because that was my family, and she kept us together even when we were threaten to fall apart. She was an angel on earth, who is – is...” 

She didn’t know how long she stood there but it must have been awhile. Because all the sudden her family was up beside her.

“My mother was something special to all of us.” Kelly said.

“Something no words can describe.” Kristan added.

“When she smiled, she made everyone smile.” Ty said.

“She was always there for support.” Caleb said.

“She gave me my sense of humor.” Abe smiled.

“She gave all of us opportunities we could ever dream of.” Jaime said.

“She taught us everything no school or friend could.” Joey said.

“She taught us that we had each other.” Miranda finished. “Thank you for your support and if you have truly ever met our mother – then I know you will never forget her.”

And they all walked down together thinking that they would make it together, with the memory of their mother in their hearts.